It was time for the ball. Time to truly begin this newest act. What fun.
I donned tonight's armor with Annes help. A midnight dress with red highlights just peaking through a sea of ink. 'To bring out your eyes' the shop attendant had said. I mostly picked it to fit the role I was once again stepping into. A stage outfit, fitting for the opening act of this life's coming drama.
Anne pulled the dress tight, did my hair up to resemble a crown of braids upon my head (rather fitting), and completed it with a pair of earrings and a necklace both inlaid with ruby's. My armor for tonight, a physical barrier between myself and the rest. A reminder of just who and what I was.
I shared one last look with Anne as she smiled, trying to be encouraging. Knowing I was being sent out and would be surrounded by nothing but thinly veiled (and sometimes not so thinly veiled) hostility for the rest of the night.
"You look beautiful my lady." The compliment slid away as it always did. This body was objectively beautiful, but it was not mine. Not truly. I force myself not to think about those things though. Down that road lays madness.
I finally force myself to turn, to leave the safety of my room and begin the march to war.
I meet my father in foyer. Neither of us speaks, he gives me a single look to make sure my outfit meets his standards then turns away. We take a carriage, house emblem stamped on the side for all to see. Lavish and treading the line of being tasteless.
The ride seems to last an age, but still not long enough. As time marches inexorably forward, as it always must.
We arrive to the palace, white stone and gold metal gleaming in the moonlight. Beautiful flowers line the drive and pathways. It is just like every other of its kind I have seen.
We disembark, and only now that we are surrounded by other nobility does my father bother with offering me a hand down. I take it, silent, eyes down, expressionless.
He offers no words as our arrival is announced, simply strides away to speak to people worth his time.
And so I am left alone in the crowd. I can feel the stares that surround me, can feel the weight of their judgement. However, I pull my persona tighter around me, feel the weight of my dress as the reminder of who I am. I stand tall, apathy my greatest shield.
I go through procedural greetings with a few noblewomen who approach me, who's names I conjure as though it had truly been me who had lived in this body my whole life. That was always the case, there were always remnants of the girl who was once here. Only found in muscle memory and habit.
However, I soon find myself at the edge of the crowd, simply watching. Always the outsider looking in, never part of the crowd. Not that I particularly wanted to be, not for some time, and certainly not this time. I was taking a break this time, I remind myself, like a jellyfish simply bobbing along with the current. Unbothered by the world around it.
Finally, the long awaited moment arrives, nobles have gathered, and it is time for the royal family to make their grand entrance. The crowd becomes quiet as they enter. A beautiful family, with bleach blonde hair, and eyes of seemingly every shade of blue simultaneously.