First person narration:
Two thousand years. Two thousand fucking years.
Can you imagine what it's like to exist for so long without going completely insane? Well, spoiler: you do go insane. But after a while, even insanity gets bored of you and leaves you alone. So here I am, saner than ever… or so I think.
And where I am is Tenkai, the realm of the gods, where Olympus is, Valhalla, you know. A place where each god has his own domain, his own little fantasy world where they do whatever they want. Some use it for useful things, others for silly things… and me, well, I barely touch it.
"You finally appear, damn it!" An explosive voice brings me out of my lethargy.
In front of me stands Kaelos, god of war, a giant in red armor and eyes like glowing embers. His domain is a fucking eternal war zone, with armies marching and swords clashing 24/7. And right now, he looks like he wants to kick my butt.
"So what did I do now?" I yawn, without getting up from the rock I'm lying on.
"It's not what you did, it's what you DIDN'T do." Kaelos frowns. "You haven't lifted a finger in centuries, your domain is empty."
My domain. Sure. Every god in Tenkai has his own space, a reflection of his essence. Kaelos' is a battlefield. Ylisse, goddess of life, is a green paradise with rivers of light. And mine… well, mine is still a fucking depressing snowy forest. There's barely any light.
"And what do you expect me to do?" I shrug. "Build an amusement park?"
Kaelos looks at me as if he wants to punch me, but before he can respond, another voice interrupts.
"Leave him alone, Kaelos. Not all of us want to live in a circus of chaos like you do."
This is Nyara, goddess of night and destiny. Her domain is an endless sea of stars, with golden threads floating in the air, representing the destiny of every living being. Or so she says, I think she just likes drama.
"It's not about what he wants," Kaelos growls, "it's about what he should do. We are gods for a reason. We can't just exist without purpose."
Therein lies the problem. The purpose.
Kaelos believes that a god without action is a dead god. Nyara believes that everything follows a pre-written path. And I… I'm only here because I have nowhere else to go.
Kaelos crosses his arms and glares at me.
"Your domain is that of heroes. Do you have any idea how useful your authority would be to my war simulations? With real heroes, my armies would have more than just cannon fodder to crush."
"Oh, right. Because what I want most in life is for you to use my power for your little war games."
Kaelos growls, clearly irritated. "These aren't games, these are training. A god without action is a dead god, and you've been doing nothing for centuries."
Kaelos snorts and shakes his head.
"You're a waste of power." He turns and starts to walk away. "When you get tired of existing without doing anything, maybe you'll remember that you're a god, not a shadow."
Nyara sighs and gives me a look that is somewhere between bored and understanding.
"Don't take it personally, you know how it is." Then he gives me a slight smile. "But maybe he's right about something. Think about it."
And just like that, he disappears into a dark breeze.
I'm left alone in my empty domain, as always. And to be honest, that's fine. I'm not antisocial, I just... don't need to be surrounded by gods who think the world revolves around them.
…
I stand there, staring into the emptiness of my domain. Fuck, I don't want to think about it too much, but Kaelos' comment sticks in my throat like a fucking thorn. Am I a waste of power? Sure, sure… like I want to be the fucking protagonist of the next simulation war of that kind.
But for some reason, the word "purpose" keeps getting stuck in my head. What am I supposed to do? Honestly, I have no fucking idea. I haven't lifted a finger in ages, and it feels like the world keeps turning without me.
Sighing, I throw myself down into the snow. Of all the things that could have happened to me after thousands of years, ending up as a bored god in a fucking snowy forest is the worst thing that could have happened to me.
"Xander!"
Someone calls my name. Again.
"What do you want now?" I reply, without moving, without wanting to get up.
It's Nyara. Her shadow looms over me as she crouches beside me.
"What are you doing?" he asks in a tone that could almost be affectionate if it weren't so laden with drama.
"Nothing, just like always," I reply, not in the mood to explain. "Did you expect me to be dancing in circles?"
Nyara sighs, sitting down next to me. "It's not that, Xander. But are you really going to keep going like this? All this time just... existing?"
"What else am I supposed to do?" I reply, staring up at the cloudy sky. "I have no desire to be anyone's hero, or follow their damn plans. I'm just a god with a name that no one cares about."
"And that's the problem," Nyara says, almost whispering. "It's not that you don't matter. It's that you've forgotten yourself. That's what happens when you stay in one place for so long, Xander. You become what surrounds you."
"Well, if that makes me who I am, then so be it," I say, my tone thick with indifference. "No one asked me to be an example, anyway."
Nyara stares at me, as if trying to figure out if I'm really serious or if I'm just playing the troublemaker.
And maybe I am. What else can I do when all that surrounds me is this absurd emptiness that has no end?
But for some reason, Nyara won't leave. It seems that, despite everything, she still believes there's something worthwhile in me. Maybe it's just because she doesn't know what else to do with her cursed fate.
"Think about it, Xander," he says, as he stands. "The power you have is not just to be ignored. It's not just to be wasted."
And, as always, it disappears in a cloud of shadows.
I'm left alone again. But this time, something keeps nagging at me. Maybe, just maybe, Nyara is right.
I rise from the snow, shaking myself a little as if that would take away all the weight of the centuries. But it doesn't. My thoughts grow cloudier as I try to move on. I can't help but think of Ouranos' words: "What fate gives you is not dependent on what you wish for, only on what you can learn to control. Your power, though immense, needs to be guided. And despite your attitude, you still don't know how to use it properly."
Those words piss me off, you know? Because even though I hate everything to do with fate and "control," part of me knows he's right. What the fuck am I doing with this power? I've been living like a god for centuries without even knowing how to use it, and it's getting tiring.
I decide not to stay here with my head full of doubts. If there is one thing I am, it is stubborn. And if Ouranos is right, then the least I can do is try.
"I'll start at the beginning," I mutter to myself. Because if I don't know how to guide my power, then I have to learn. Somehow, I'll have to know what I'm capable of doing.
Without further ado, I close my eyes and begin to concentrate. To search within myself, to feel that energy that is always there, waiting to be used. The air grows even colder around me, and the snow crunches beneath my feet. But I won't let it distract me.
First, the most basic: I feel the connection to my domain. What should be mine. And instantly, images of what I could do begin to invade my mind. The snowy forest darkens, the branches of the trees twist, and the wind begins to blow hard, as if it is ready to do something. Something big.
It's kind of… weird. But damn, it's working. There's something here I can control. Something I can shape.
I concentrate harder, moving my hands slowly, feeling the energy flow through my fingers. The snow dissolves around me, revealing firmer, more solid ground, almost as if the place is taking on a shape of its own.
It's not much, but it's a damn start.
I smile, because for the first time in a long time I feel like I'm on the right path, even though I have no fucking idea what to do with all this yet.
But that's okay. At least now I know I can start to figure out how to handle what I have. And that's something.
I focus and the idea of the altar pops into my head, so I start to shape it. I don't want it to be just anything; this has to be something that not only looks epic, but also has a purpose. The kind of altar that lets anyone who comes by know that I'm the boss here.
Power begins to flow through my veins, and instead of letting it loose as usual, I channel it. The stones on the ground begin to move on their own, columns rise, large as if they were built to withstand a fucking earthquake. There's not much grace in the matter, but what matters is that it's taking shape.
The rocks are stacked on top of each other, and each time one is placed, I feel something in my domain snap into place. It's like the altar is a direct plug into all this snowy chaos. The structure grows larger, more solid, until I can't help but look at it all and think that, somehow, it looks pretty good.
The columns have engravings of something or other, stories of heroes or something. I don't care that much, but it gives it some character. When everything is ready, I step back and the thing is already standing: a huge altar, connecting to the center of my domain, as if everything was connected by a fucking cable.
I reach out and touch one of the columns, feeling the energy coursing through my fingers. I don't know if I'm doing it right or not, but at least this has a purpose. Every time the soul of a hero passes through here, it will feel like this is my territory, my place.
"Well, not bad," I say as I step back a bit and look at the result.
I'm not a genius at this, but it's something, and that's what matters. My power doesn't feel so out of control anymore. At least it has a place now, a starting point. And while I don't know exactly what comes next, I know that at least I'll be able to use it for something.
…
Time has passed, but something in the air has changed, and I'm not surprised. Silence is what has always reigned in this place.
Suddenly, I hear a laugh that makes me raise an eyebrow.
"My, my, who do we have here?" sounds a voice I don't need to see to recognize. Loki.
There he is, floating with that smile that makes you think he knows all the gossip in the universe.
"What are you doing here, Loki?" I ask, letting out a sigh.
"Me? Nothing, I was just a little bored in my domain and thought, 'Why not stop by and see what this loner is up to?'" His tone is playful, as if he were right at home.
"What you don't do out of boredom, huh?" I reply, crossing my arms, without much enthusiasm.
"Sure, sure. Hey, what's that?" He points to the altar I set up, with that look of someone who is evaluating whether it's a masterpiece or rubbish.
"It's an altar. Don't get excited, it's not for you," I tell him.
Loki laughs, as if he didn't hear a word I said. "Oh, Xander, that's too bad! An altar for yourself?! I thought you'd be a little more creative. Aren't you embarrassed?"
"It's not to do visitors a favor. What do you want, a show?"
"Exactly!" she replies, raising her hands as if she were announcing the show of the century. "You know what this place is missing? Fun! And what better way to make it more... let's say, dynamic. What the place needs is a little chaos."
"You're going to have to sit and wait, because chaos isn't what I have in mind," I reply as I walk around the altar, looking at my work.
"That's what you say now," she replies, circling me. "But you'll see, in a couple of centuries you'll be calling me to teach you how to do the fun stuff."
"You better call me for a beer, because this whole being on top thing is way overrated," I say sarcastically, giving him a sidelong glance.
Loki stretches his back a little and lets out a laugh. "Ah! I like that. I hope you stop taking things so seriously. Life is more fun when you don't hold on to everything too tightly."
"I'm not one to go looking for pranks and chaos. So when you're done here messing around, can you let me do my job?"
"Work? Work?! Don't make me laugh. You've got a frozen kingdom that must be eating you up from the inside," he says, but without losing his playful tone. "Just relax, you know? The worst thing you can do is take all this too seriously."
"Don't worry, Loki. I'm already as relaxed as I can be," I say, glancing over my shoulder at her as I take another step toward the altar.
Loki stares at me for a second and then starts laughing again. "I told you, Xander, yours is a comedy, but one that no one wants to admit they like. Well, I'm going to go fuck myself somewhere else, I'll leave you alone... for now."
"How kind," I say, already accustomed to him leaving me alone only to return at some other time.
"You're welcome," he replies, disappearing into thin air with a wink.
I was left alone again. As always, but at least Loki's presence had been... refreshing, in its own way.
Maybe, just maybe, I could think about doing things in a more... interesting way. But not today.
Loki kept appearing in my domain every so often. Each time with a mischievous grin, mocking my attempts to do something "important" with my power. At first it bothered me, but after a couple of visits I knew I couldn't help it. And, to be honest, his jokes gave me some company in the midst of so much loneliness. What I could never foresee, not even in my worst predictions, was that Loki would be here to give me news that I had never dreamed of.
Another century had passed, and I was once again pacing around my altar, thinking of what I could do next with this power I still didn't quite know how to wield. I was tired of the eternal cold surrounding me, so for once, I began to let my mind wander. What would I do if I could move beyond these boundaries? Could I...? My train of thought is halted when a familiar laugh breaks me from my musings.
"Xander, what a surprise to see you so pensive! You're all emo, huh?" Loki says, appearing out of nowhere, as usual.
"What do you want now?" I reply, not really wanting to interact, although the truth is that it doesn't bother me as much as it used to.
"Oh, nothing big, just a little news! Well, maybe not so little..." she says, and you can tell she's restrained in excitement, like a child with a new toy.
"What's wrong now?" I ask, knowing something weird is about to happen, because when Loki looks like that, it's never a good sign.
"We can go down to Genkai now!" She blurts out with a glint in her eyes. "Come on, Xander! It's time to get out of your frozen cubicle and put your powers to the test in something more... fun!"
I stare at Loki as if he had said something completely out of place.
"Genkai? What the hell do you want me to do there?" I ask, more curious than anything else.
"Well, what heroes do, right?" she replies, raising her eyebrows as if it were obvious. "It's time for you to go to the land of mortals and start creating some action! You know, conquering, creating chaos... Typical god stuff. It's not like you're just going to sit here for eternity."
"Conquer? Create chaos? What are you talking about?" I ask, not sure if Loki is just messing with me or if he actually has a plan for this.
"Oh, please! I knew you'd be the kind of god who complains before doing anything exciting. Enough of doing everything in this lonely place. It's time for you to explore, to interact with heroes, mortals, and everything in between. After all, your domain is over them, isn't it? It's time for you to see how great your power can be... in the real world!"
I stare at her for a moment, processing what she just said. Loki always has this ability to sell me things as if they were the big opportunity, although I never quite trust his enthusiasm. But for some reason, I don't know why, this time I'm intrigued.
"So... how do we get down?" I ask, still suspicious that this is all a joke.
Loki gives me a look like I'm the last being in the universe not to know how things work. "Oh right, the process isn't as simple as jumping around," he says, with a sarcastic laugh. "To go down to Genkai, you have to be on the list. There are plenty of gods eager to go, and each one has to wait their turn. So forget about 'immediate departure'."
I cross my arms and look at her with a raised eyebrow. "Ready, huh? Great, because you know, what I want most in life is to get in line to go to a mortal world," I say, sounding completely uninterested.
Loki settles himself on a nearby rock, seemingly in no hurry. "Well, it's not that bad. The entrance to Genkai has just opened. So there are a lot of gods desperate to get down, but don't worry, you're on the list. It's just that we have to wait."
"Wait? How long exactly? Because, if this is just a joke, I promise you that..." I say, while rolling my eyes.
"Easy, easy," Loki replies, holding up a hand calmly. "It's not that bad. Maybe a few… a few centuries?" he says without concern. "We're pretty well positioned, so it shouldn't be that long. Nothing like a grocery store line, you follow me?"
"Centuries. Sure. And I'm here as relaxed as if it were any other Monday," I reply, with a sarcastic half-smile. "How fun."
Loki laughs in his typical playful tone. "You'll get used to it. Besides, you have all this time to be a god... or whatever it is you're doing here. Don't complain, you could use some patience!"
I give him a look that's half amused and half tired. "Patience? I'd rather do it my way. But in the meantime, I guess I'll just have to keep playing the lonely god. How exciting."
"You'll see, everything is going to get more interesting," he says, before disappearing again, leaving me alone.
I stare at the empty spot for a while, thinking about everything Loki said. The wait doesn't seem like such a big deal, really. I can get on with my life here just fine, but the fact that there's something else waiting for me now... that's a change. Whatever comes next, though, I'm in no hurry. After all, if I've learned anything, it's that there's no point in rushing.
Centuries pass and, as if it were the most normal thing in the world, I am still here, in my cursed domain, waiting for the go-ahead to go down to Genkai. Loki has already left, he went down to Genkai without giving me too many details. All he said to me was "you'll see how fun it is" and a couple of jokes about what awaited me. But that was a long time ago. Quite a while. I don't even remember how many centuries have passed since then.
One day, tired of being stuck in my comfort zone all the time, I decide to do something productive. Or so I tell myself, as I head towards the center of Tenkai. My plan is simple: investigate the list. If Loki could get down there, I guess I could too, right? If there is a damn list, that is.
I approach the registration point to descend into Genkai, hoping that everything will be as easy as Loki told me. But when I get there, I find something quite different.
The guy who keeps the register, some sort of god of bureaucracy or something, looks at me with a bored look. "And what do you want?" he asks, as if he were interrupting a divine nap.
"I came to see my name on the list to go down to Genkai," I answer, crossing my arms, waiting for him to tell me yes, my name is already there, somewhere glorious on the list of gods eager to jump to Genkai.
The god looks at me with a raised eyebrow. "Your name? You're not on the list," he says, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"What?" I reply, almost unable to believe what I'm hearing. "What do you mean I'm not on the list? Loki told me I was already there!? Are you kidding me!?"
The guy lets out a sigh, as if dealing with my lack of understanding is the worst thing that's happened to him in ages. "Loki didn't tell you that you have to apply in person, did he? Of course, everyone has to apply, we can't just apply for you because it's you. Divine bureaucracy is a personal matter, my friend."
At that moment I was in shock. What I needed: Loki had played a trick on me. All this time waiting because she told me I was already on the list... and it turns out I wasn't. Damn goddess.
"How could she do this to me!?" I curse under my breath, as I start to feel anger rising in my stomach. But instead of screaming, I just let out a tired laugh. "Funny, huh? Always so playful. Well, now I'm going to have to ask for it, aren't I?"
The god of bureaucracy gives me a look of resignation. "That's right. You just have to fill out the form, put your name down and wait. Maybe in a few decades they'll accept you."
"Perfect," I said sarcastically, turning away. "Thanks for nothing."
Turning around, I can't help but smile bitterly. Loki played me right. Sure, I have to wait again now, but I can't say I don't deserve it. After all, in this god thing, there's always something else waiting in the line of fire. And I, as always, have to adapt.
The decades passed without me noticing, as always in this damned place. Here I am, the same as always, with nothing much to do, waiting for time to slip through my fingers.
One day, while walking through Tenkai, I overheard some conversations between other gods that struck me as somewhat curious. It was beyond my intention to get involved in the gossip, but somehow, the words floating around caught my attention.
"Hera just got back," I heard one of them say, and I almost stopped dead. "After what happened to her family..."
That made me pause for a moment. Hera? The Hera? The same one who had one of the most powerful families in all of Genkai, along with the Zeus family. A goddess who, even with her powers sealed when she descended, was still a force to be reckoned with. If she was returning, there had to be something big behind it.
"It wasn't of his own free will," the murmurs continued. "His family was destroyed by the one-eyed black dragon… one of the most powerful."
The one-eyed black dragon. That phrase echoed in my head like a bad omen. A monster so fucking strong that it could destroy Hera's entire family, one of the most feared.
But of course, that didn't fit with what we knew: the gods sealed away her powers when they brought Genkai down. People, adventurers and followers, depended on her blessings to advance. If Hera was letting herself be torn apart so easily, there had to be something fishy about that story. The one-eyed black dragon was no simple monster, that was for sure.
…
So when I got the news that in ten years I could come down, all I got was silence. There was no one around me celebrating with me or making fun of how long it took me. Loki was already in Genkai, and I was still here, waiting my turn like an idiot.
I had no way of knowing how she was doing down there. I couldn't send her a message, I couldn't ask her if Genkai was really as "fun" as she said. I could only imagine her, laughing, drinking in some tavern, enjoying the freedom I didn't yet have.
Ten more years. Just ten more years and I would finally get out of this boring heaven.