—Let's go —said Sophie, taking my hand—. We don't want to be late.
The sunlight filtered through the silk curtains of the classroom, bathing the polished wooden desks in a golden light. I sat in the front row, as always, with my eyes fixed on the teacher while he taught. I could feel my eyes shining intensely, absorbing every word like a sponge thirsty for knowledge. Human knowledge was fascinating.
Around me, I noticed that other students struggled to stay awake. Some were absently doodling in their notebooks, others were looking out the window longing for the end of class. But I was completely immersed in the lesson, my hand constantly rising to answer questions or add comments.
—Excellent observation, Miss Anastasia —said the teacher with an approving smile—. As always, your understanding of the subject is impressive.
From the corner of my eye, I noticed how some of my classmates rolled their eyes or whispered among themselves. I shifted uncomfortably, wishing for a moment to be invisible. I tried to ignore them, focusing on the satisfaction of having answered correctly.
I wasn't doing anything wrong, I was just being myself, right? When the bell rang announcing recess, I gathered my books with a bright smile. I turned to Sophie, hoping to share my excitement about the fascinating lesson we had just had.
—Wasn't the explanation about fractional numbers incredible? —I exclaimed, with raised eyebrows—. I had never thought of solving them that way!
Sophie simply shrugged while putting away her things. —I guess —she mumbled without much enthusiasm.
I frowned, noticing my friend's lack of interest. —Are you okay, Sophie? You seem a bit... distant.
Sophie sighed, closing her backpack with more force than necessary. —I'm fine —she said dryly—. Let's go to the playground.
Already in the playground, Sophie and I sat in our usual spot, under a large oak tree that provided us with shade. The air was filled with laughter and shouts from other children playing, but an uncomfortable silence had settled between us.
—Sophie —I began, determined to break the tension—, are you sure you're okay? You seem upset about something.
Sophie fidgeted with a fallen leaf, avoiding my gaze. Finally, she looked up, her eyebrows were furrowed and her lips pressed together.
—You want to know what's wrong with me, Anastasia? —Sophie snapped—. I'm tired. Tired of feeling like a shadow beside you. Tired of everything always revolving around you and your 'brilliant intellect'.
I felt my pupils trembling. I stood there gaping, surprised by my best friend's sudden outburst. —I... I don't understand —I stammered—. What are you talking about?
Sophie let out a bitter laugh. —Of course you don't understand. How could you? You're Anastasia, the genius, the prodigy. Everything comes so easily to you, so naturally.
I knew it, I had always known it. I was different, and that made others feel bad. Why... Sophie? I expected this from anyone but you...
—I... I don't want to make anyone feel bad —I said with trembling lips—. I'm just being myself, Sophie. Is that so wrong?
—Being yourself? —she replied, her voice rising—. Have you stopped to think how that affects the rest of us? Every time you raise your hand in class, every time the teacher praises you, every time you solve a problem in seconds... you make us feel like we're stupid, like we're worth nothing. Like we're trash.
My skin bristled with shivers and I felt my spirit split in two. Her words hit me like a punch to the stomach. I felt short of breath, and I bit my lower lip hard.
—That has never been my intention, Sophie. I just... I get excited about what I learn. I want to share it, I want to...
—Want what? —she interrupted—. To prove how smart you are? To show us how inferior we are compared to you?
I felt tears beginning to well up in my eyes.
—No! —I shook my head hard, clenching my jaw while tears were already running down my cheeks—. I just want to learn, I want to understand the world!
—That's the problem! —Sophie shouted, attracting the attention of some of our nearby classmates—. You 'being yourself' makes us feel like we're nothing. You're so wrapped up in your own world of brilliance that you don't see what's happening around you.
An emotion I had never felt before, something completely new was taking over me, it took all my power not to lose control.
I had never considered how my natural talent and passion for learning could affect others. I had always assumed that everyone shared my enthusiasm for knowledge.
—I... I'm sorry —I whispered as I lowered my head with slumped shoulders, pressing my lips tightly, The pressure I felt in my chest was suffocating me.
—I'm supposed to be your best friend, but sometimes I feel like I can barely breathe beside you because I'm so busy trying to catch up to you. —She paused as her voice broke, her eyes shining with contained sobs, as if she had released everything she had kept in her chest—. Sometimes it doesn't feel that way, Anastasia. Sometimes I feel like I'm just another person who's there to admire you, to applaud your achievements while I fall behind.
I remained silent, while bringing my hands to my chest, I lowered my head and my clouded eyes focused on the ground, I began to cry with rage, with sadness. I felt humiliated for having believed that Sophie was my best friend.
I wanted to explain, wanted to defend myself, but how could I do it without invalidating Sophie's feelings?
I had always valued our friendship, had considered it a fundamental pillar in my life. Discovering that Sophie felt this way, that she had been suffering in silence, was destroying me.
—I... I need to go —I mumbled, taking a step back.
My heart was beating hard in my chest, and I felt short of breath. Without waiting for a response, I turned around and ran, leaving behind a stunned Sophie and a group of surprised classmates.