It truly was an embarrassing moment, one that Rowan Agoul couldn't see himself living down even five years from now. No even five wasn't the right amount of time for such a thing. It was truly something that would stand the test of time, within how much it could embarrass him upon remembering it later in life. But even then the moment just happened and the sting of that embarrassment stung so bad one could forget that it was fresh and assume that it had time to fester in its embarrassing nature. Either way he wasn't going to be living this down anytime soon and he'd make no effort to do so.
Elara: "Uh Rowan? Are you okay?"
Rowan:"Yeah I'm fine just came out to get some fresh air that's all! But I think I'm fine for now so I'll just leave you to it!"
In truth he'd simply wanted to get away from the area as fast as possible. Not only was it due to the embarrassment that he'd faced at the hands of his own incompetence, but it was also due to the presence of Elara Fey who scratched his very soul. The rejection, while the strain of it had lessened a bit, the overall sting of the action hadn't dissipated at all. Even though Rowan Agoul was good at putting on a strong front, he was terribly bad at doing so internally.
Rowan: "Oh man that was so embarrassing. I should get out of here as fast as I can and try and put this whole thing behind me!"
Elara: "Rowan?"
Rowan: "Yes?"
Rowan seethed at the obedience he displayed. Thinking "dang it she called my name and I just couldn't leave!" It was truly a pathetic display of willpower befitting for the man named Rowan Agoul. He wouldn't have been able to help it had Elara Fey even looked at him so hearing her voice calling his name was something he knew he wasn't going to be able to avoid at all.
Elara: "I'm sorry."
These were truly the last words the young man had been expecting to her at the moment. He didn't expect such a thing to be spoken especially within the present moment. Of course this reaction could have been anticipated simply because of the fact that Elara Fey is too kind, something Rowan Agoul was well aware of. She simply didn't have it in her to not feel bad bait rejecting someone, that feeling was even more amplified when it was someone she'd cared about as deeply as Rowan.
Rowan: "Huh, what for? You don't have anything to apologize for, there's nothing that you did wrong."
Elara: "That's not true."
Elara's voice didn't seem to be anything like it usually was. It's usually carried almost nothing at all in it, aside from the trademark sweetness that was always present within it. This time it was replaced with something heavy, that seemed to be weighing heavy on her heart. Rowan thought it was unbecoming of Elara Fey who'd never even sounded unhappy in the years that he'd known her.
Elara: "I really hurt your feelings didn't I Rowan? I can see it in your eyes, I really hurt you...…didn't I?"
For the first time in awhile Rowan Agoul was taken aback. He was appalled, simply because the one who'd caused him this much pain, was the one who felt the worst about it. The only one said to have felt the pain of what transpired more than Elara Fey was Rowan Agoul himself. Yes, he was truly appalled by how just unflinchingly kind and caring this woman was. And at the same time he'd realized the title of [Hero] was the only one that was correct for a girl such as Elara Fey.
Rowan: "Elara...…"
In that moment Rowan Agoul has a choice. A choice he'd made a decision on so fast, it'd seem that he didn't have to make much a choice at all. His two options were to either be honest at the moment, or to lie about the way that he was feeling but in that moment one could say what swayed him was Elara Fey. She was being completely honest about how she feels, completely upfront about the feelings that were sitting within the confines of her mind.
It would've been disrespectful for him to disregard that.
Rowan: "You're right...…you did. You really hurt my feelings."
Elara shuddered at the honesty of the man, and her gaze became downcast as the words stepped inside of her ears.
He'd decided to tell her the truth, feeling as if he didn't want to disrespect the feelings that were present inside him as well. It would've been a lie to Rowan Agoul and Elara Fey had he decided against that course of action. And he, at least respected Elara Fey's feelings.
Elara: "I knew it...…even though they hail me as a hero I still fall short at everything else."
Rowan: "You hurt my feelings but...I'd be lying if I said I ever thought you'd go for a guy like me. I should've known I'd get rejected, so I don't blame you or anything Elara! That's just how it goes especially when you're just a [Weapon Holder] or a guy like me. We never get the girl, am I right?"
Elara: "Rowan..."
Rowan's voice started to break and the inside of his mind started to yell at him. They wanted to stop him—stop him from making a mistake his body seemed keen on making. His eyes started to water and his brain realized they'd be unable to stop the reaction—-no. That the reaction had already started to permeate the existence known as Rowan Agoul.
Rowan: "I mean what was I expecting to happen? You say yes to me and then we float off our feelings and fly off into the sunset? Get real that was never gonna happen! It was a vivid dream—-a wild fantasy at best! I knew things would never play out that way!"
Rowan's voice started to raise at no one in particular and Elara Fey steeled herself opting to listen to the young man's cries. Though to her the existence of Elara Fey wasn't the person that mattered the most at the moment. To the normal person's gaze it seemed as if he wasn't talking to anyone, but Rowan Agoul was. These words...…he aimed them at himself. It was a private conversation between the [Weapon Holder] and [Rowan Agoul].
Rowan: "And yet I still found myself hoping right? Thinking that one day you'd come around to my feelings. That'd we'd be able to laugh about our times together—-to be able to smile as we looked forward to making memories for our future. I should've known that something so awesome...wouldn't be possible. It was out of my hands from the start wasn't it?"
As if his body had give up holding in its reaction Rowan Agoul cried. He cried, so much so that you would've thought that Elara Fey wasn't there. It was as if he was simply alone, crying in his own bedroom with how many tears were actually streaming down his face. His mind—-his body, had given up on maintaining the facade of the human race. He was unable to hold onto such feelings anymore. And a more natural—a more primal feeling grabbed hold of him.
Elara: "Rowan I see now...the damage this did to your heart is irreparable. Damage I'm truly responsible for as I was the one you gave access to your heart, making me responsible for all your pain and suffering. It's not something I wear lightly...…knowing I've caused you a great deal of pain."
Rowan: "It isn't your fault Elara. Yeah it's not like I expected you to fall for a guy like me let alone be in love with someone as pathetic as I am."
Elara: "Still the fault is mine as a [Hero],I was unable to take in your feelings. And as a friend I was the cause of all your pain and suffering. I was the one who made you like this, isn't that right, Rowan?"
Rowan: "No you've got it all wrong! I'm just pathetic a pathetic excuse of man who-"
Elara: "No you're wrong!"
Rowan: "Elara..."
Elara: "I'm the one who's pathetic aren't I?! I'm the one who calls herself a [Hero] yet causes such anguish in her friends! I'm the one who causes pride in Geonosia to rise again? Aren't I Rowan?!
Rowan couldn't even respond he was just tongue-tied. Elara Fey was rarely this emotional yet she seemed to be shaking at the moment. He'd never seen her be this fired up outside of the work she'd done as a hero, did she really feel this much responsibility? No. Of course she did. This was the woman who was hailed as the [Hero of Geonosia] after all.
Elara: "I'm sorry I wasn't able to return your feelings but I have a duty to the people of Geonosia—-a duty I have to uphold as a [Hero]. I can't let them down and I'll do anything I can as long as I can uphold that."
Elara's voice was clear but at the end of her words there was a slight break in them. An emotion that was undoubtedly leaking its way out into her words. But but before Rowan could snatch that Emotion and begin to analyze it, it shrunk. It almost became non existent. As if it'd never been there in the first place.
Elara: "Even if it means all I'll ever be is a [Hero] I'm okay with that. Even if it means...…letting my humanity go, I'm okay with that."
Rowan: "Elara..."
Elara: "As long as I can be their [Hero] and yours too. And nothing more."
As Elara said that her voice carried a dryness Rowan never heard it bear before. It wasn't something befitting of the feelings she talked about when being a hero. It simply wasn't a feeling worthy of resting upon the gallant woman, Elara Fey. Her silver hair fluttered as the wind blowed revealing her face even more to the tear-jerked Rowan. And in those beautiful light blue eyes he could see it—-a tear unrecognizable on the face of that hero, was the look of true despair and reconciliation.
Rowan: "Elara I-"
Queen Seraphina: "Oh! There you are!"
Like clockwork the Queen's voice rung out across the balcony. How was it that moments like these were ruined daily by interruptions like these? Of course this wasn't really simple interruption as the one who'd done the interrupting had a voice that was impossible to ignore. One for how loud it was when it had let out that yell, and secondly the weight that voice carried in its every sentence. It was immensely heavy, something neither Rowan Agoul or Elara Fey could ignore.
Sylphine: "We've been looking all over for you, what were you guys doing out here?"
Rowan: "Oh...Elara and I were just talking so we ended up getting distracted is all. Sorry if we caused you any trouble."
Rowan bowed his head as he deemed it was the appropriate thing to do at the moment. Indeed it was right for a subject of a county to bow to their king or queen when they'd shown them such great courtesy. But hadn't the bow done by Rowan Agoul been done a bit differently? He didn't know why he'd straightened his arms at his sides and bowed as stiffly as he did. All that mattered to him was that he made this effort and didn't do it half-heartedly either. One thing Rowan Agoul would always do was try his best.
King Alden: "it's quite alight, The ceremony is about to start but if you and Elara need to finish talking we're happy to-"
Rowan: "No it's fine. Me and Elara were finished talking anyways."
Said Rowan as he wore a wry smile on his face. Elara wanted to stop him but didn't reach out her hands to do so, as she realized it too. Or rather neither of them realized what they needed to in that moment. They'd both decided to let the topic go at the moment,regarding the current situation in front of them as paramount. While this was the right choice for such an occasion, it was the behest of something that had both been the right mindstate they'd—-no even then they may not have considered it.
That was just the nature of Rowan Agoul and Elara Fey, both pushing their feelings down never regarding themselves as first. And so a conversation that should've ended then and there became extended, and would be lost to time in the etches of their story.