"A-Ah-! What I meant was... You're completely different from normal people like me... or Miyacchi, for example."
"What do you mean by different?" Kiyopon tilted his head.
"Well, you're really smart and athletic. You're super strong, too." Somehow, complimenting him like this feels a bit embarrassing.
"Ohh... I mean, Hirata's the same, right? Kouenji, too. And I'm sure there are some students in other classes who are like me. Not to mention the higher years."
That's not what I'm talking about... Well, it is, but-
"You're right... You're right but, there's just something about you that..." I can't seem to articulate my thoughts. "It's like you're... more mysterious than anyone else— like you're still holding back..."
Ahh, dang it... Why can't I properly say what I want to say?!
"I see... I think you're just talking about my negative traits, Haruka. For example, I don't like talking about myself and I'm not that great at making casual conversations, so I might give the impression of aloofness and mystery. I also don't look motivated when doing anything, so it feels like I'm still holding back... And because I'm your friend, you might just be romanticizing those negative traits into something positive, which is understandable."
There he goes again... Explaining everything so soundly using reason and logic.
"That's... You might be right... You're probably right... But somehow, I just get this feeling that—... It's like you're... unfathomable," I said. "I'm sure Miyacchi, Airi, Kencchin, and everyone in Class B have already sensed it. Sure, there are a lot of exceptional students in this school, but you give off a different kind of 'exceptional' vibe."
"Is that so...? Well, I can't understand it myself. My perspective is distinctly different from everyone else's, after all."
There's no way Kiyopon can understand how other people see him. That's why I want to make him understand, but I just can't seem to do it...
"It's pretty weird though. You were popular in your younger years, right? Especially since you're a foreigner in America."
"No... I didn't really have any friends."
"Eh?! Like, zero? I thought you were just exaggerating!"
He nodded. So he really was a loner?
"Were you not showing your abilities back then like you're doing now, or something?"
"I guess so. I didn't really take school too seriously, so everyone left me alone. I had a pretty peaceful school life."
"You're a weirdo. You would've been extremely popular!" I reprimanded him.
"Well, I didn't really know how to talk with people back then," he explained. "I just forced myself to socialize with others in this school. Even if I liked solitude, I can't possibly ascend to the higher classes without associating myself with you guys."
This school encouraged competitions between classes, and the results were directly tied to our futures. I see. I think I can understand him a bit more now. Still, it's just a waste to hide your abilities when you have them. But knowing Kiyopon, I guess he just didn't want to stand out.
"Ohh... I see... That makes sense..."
"Why'd you wanna talk about all this?" he asked.
"Ah— Eh... That's... I just wanted to know you more, I guess." I scratched my head while trying to make an excuse. "Hahaha..."
He stared in silence which made me panic even more! I quickly tried to change the topic.
"By the way, Kiyopon!" I called. "You call Kushida-san by her first name now, huh? When did that start?"
Crap, why did I ask that of all questions? My inner feelings are leaking out.
"Ah, if I remember correctly, we agreed to call each other by our first names on Friday."
"I see, hahaha, I guess that's understandable. She's your best friend, after all!" I said with a grin.
"I don't know if you can call us best friends, though. We're not even in the same friend group, right? But you can probably call her the closest girl to me," he replied.
The closest... girl... Lucky her...
"The closest... girl..." I muttered. "I see! Well, isn't that great?"
T-That was bad... I almost thought out loud.
"Well, enough about me. How about you? Did you have a lot of friends in middle school?"
Ah, he's right. I've been interrogating him for too long.
"Oh! Fufun~, of course, I did. To be honest, I would've done the same here, but I don't really feel like getting close with some of the girls in our class," I laughed bitterly. "I love Airi, though!"
I don't want to associate myself with the likes of Karuizawa-san or her friends. I honestly don't think we can get along... I'm good friends with Kushida-san's group, but in the end, I still feel like an outsider.
"I see."
Arrghh! You know what, I'll just ask him outright! It won't be the death of me even if things go wrong.
"Uhm, Kiyopon..."
Kiyopon looked like he was about to ask me more things, but my curiosity couldn't help it anymore.
"Yeah?"
"This would've been more fun if the rest of our friends were here, but I really wanted to ask you now... Do you... have a crush on anyone?"
I asked it! Will Kiyopon think that I have some sort of motive behind it?
"Hmm... No, I don't think so. We've talked about this before, right?" Of course, he just answers me directly...
"Well... You've got girls like Kushida-san who are very close to you, and it seems like you're good friends with Ichinose-san from Class C, too. I was sure that you'd at least come to like one of them," I explained. "I thought you were just too shy to say anything back then, so I didn't really believe you."
They were all cute girls. Boys were crazy about them. It wouldn't be weird if it turns out that Kiyopon has a crush on any of them.
"I do find a lot of girls attractive, but I don't think I'm fit to be in a relationship just yet. And it's not like any of them would be interested in me," he replied.
What? I understand the relationship part, but his last sentence was just a bit too ridiculous and ignorant.
"Do you seriously think that? I'll punch you." I glared at him while raising a closed fist.
"I get that my athleticism and academic abilities can attract people, but once they get to know me, they'd probably get bored."
Kiyopon has been very vocal about his lack of conversational skills and dull tone. I've thought about this for a while now, but I don't think he's insecure about his personality flaws. He goes as far as to call himself boring, but it's not like he's bitter about it...
Still though... That's not true, Kiyopon... I don't think you're boring at all...
"Why... would you say something like that about yourself?"
His words inadvertently made me sad.
"Don't worry, I'm not saying this to earn any sort of pity from others. I'm not upset or sad about it. My dull personality is just something that I'm aware of. If I were as good as Hirata or Ike in making conversations, then I'd probably feel more confident with myself in that regard," he said. "But it's not like I'm not satisfied with who I am now. I'm quite happy with my current self. And besides, I made good friends like you guys."
He wasn't insecure about anything. As usual, Kiyopon was thinking about himself in a very logical way. That might also be the reason why I felt like he can act cold sometimes.
"So you're saying that you're just a normal guy, like Kencchin and Miyacchi?"
"Probably. I'm not really any different from anyone— at least I don't think so," he shrugged. "Ken would beat me in any ball sport, and I aspire to have Akito's demeanor. And those two's street knowledge is something I want to learn, as well. In the end, some people are just better at different things."
After hearing his words, I've finally made up my mind.
"I see, I've learned a lot about you today, Kiyopon," I stood up and straightened my clothes.
"You're going?"
"Yep~!"
"That's not fair, though. I didn't learn anything about you," he protested.
"There's always next time, Kiyopon~! We'll be together for a very long time, after all."
I-I can't believe I just said something so embarrassing... I reflexively made a run for it.
"Bye!"
I exited Kiyopon's room with quickened breaths.
My mind stayed blank until I got back to my room...
"Hah... What am I even doing?" I muttered. "I tried to look cute in front of him, but I wonder if it even had an effect at all...?"
I sighed once more.
Until now, I've never gotten into a relationship. But I would be lying if I said that I've never liked anyone.
When I was in elementary school I had one, in middle school I also had one. They were both senpais, two years older than me. Unfortunately, I've never talked to any of them. They were intelligent, handsome, good at sports— those types of all-rounded senpai.
More than liking, using the word "longing" in order to express my feelings would be more fitting. I tried to start a conversation with them countless times, but I never had enough courage to actually pull through.
That was a past where I couldn't even confirm whether it was love or not. The next time I harbor these kinds of feelings, I don't want to regret it again. I had been thinking like this all the way until now.
In short, the threshold for me to fall in love was a bit high, or maybe I wasn't interested in ordinary boys. As a living creature, this should be very normal. In brief, my ideal standards were extremely high.
But I don't get him... I don't get Ayanokouji Kiyotaka at all. I know he explained everything to me, and I know I should get what he was saying, but that feeling didn't go away. I still felt like something was hidden beneath his calm and cool expression.
I was interested in him. I want to know more about him. I want to spend more time with him. He was my ideal... No, he exceeds my ideal.
Unlike the longing I felt for my two senpais in the past, I can confidently say that I like him.
I like Ayanokouji Kiyotaka.
This feeling... I won't let it go to waste— not anymore. I've regretted my past decisions twice, so I won't make the same mistake again.