Playlist for chapter 5~ I don't want to die by Kado
James was hurting inside. He knew he was no matter how many times he told himself that it's just his imagination.
It all started after the day of the ceremony when he was announced as the head prefect of his class as well as a rank one soldier. The only problem was that he couldn't remember what he was being rewarded for.
There were bits and pieces, fragments of a person who happened to be him, inside of his memories. Sometimes he would wake up in the middle of the night, sweaty and out of breath, afraid for someone, worried for someone, missing someone.
He had no idea who that someone was. He tried to explain that to commander Zin but he was no help. He told James to take it easy, to relax and enjoy life. Commander Zin had told James that his last mission led him to have a concussion, so bad that he forgot all about those three months he was away for his mission.
"You don't look so good", his roommate Ken said.
"I'm fine", James mumbled in reply.
Ken snorted ,"Yeah sure".
"Hey, have you ever been in love?", James asked his roommate, who over the years had now become more like a brother to him.
"Yes of course", Ken winked at him.
"Really?" , it surprised James, he had never seen Ken with someone, he was always so reserved when it came to his love life that even after two years James had no clue that he could be with someone.
"Yeah, why do you ask?"
James cleared his throat, "So, before you judge me, it's not love or anything I feel, it's just....I keep on dreaming about someone, someone I think I felt very strongly towards. Maybe they were friends, maybe they were more...? Maybe not. It just feels like some part of me is aching for them and I don't even know who they are and that makes me feel like an asshole, I feel like it isn't fair to Sara.", James spills it all out.
"Do you love Sara ?", Ken asks with an arched eyebrow.
" I care about her, I always had. I had a huge crush on her before I went for my mission. I had even confessed to her back then but she rejected me, so I was in a pretty dark place before the mission and after I came back with a broken head, I was still heartbroken , I just figured that it had to be for Sarah."
"But now you think that it might be for someone else?", Ken asks
"Yes, I am not sure but it kind of feels that way. After I came back Sarah told me that she had a long time to think about my feelings for her and that she would like for us to give it a chance and I obviously said yes because I thought it would ease the pain.", James's throat tightened a bit.
"And I am guessing that it did nothing to ease the pain?"
"No...if anything, it hurts even more now"
"Oh Jamey. C'mere.", Ken said opening his arms for his little brother.
And James crashed into his embrace. Ken was only two years older than James but he always acted like his parent in situations when he needed to sort his emotions.
"Maybe you should call it off with Sara. No need to pressurise that head of yours." , Ken said, stroking his hair.
"But I feel like she understands me, we have built such a strong bond and I don't want to mess that up.", James's voice came out in shivers.
"Aw , it's ok kid, if you ask her to be your friend then I am sure she would get where you are coming from because you are right, what you are doing right now is unfair to Sara but more than that it's also unfair to you."
" I will think about it, cause maybe I am just overthinking. Maybe there is no one and my mind is just playing tricks on me." , James came to a conclusion.
"Yeah maybe, but just know this James, there is no need for you to force any feelings that you no longer feel."
James pulled back from the hug and looked at Ken . He looked worried for him so James nodded obediently, trying to give him the indication that he will think about it, long and hard.
A knock came from the door of their room .
"Who is it?" , Ken shouted.
" I am here for James Cartland, the commander wants him in his office right now." , the voice came from the door.
James quickly got up, "Coming" he said as he looked towards Ken, he looked as confused as James felt.
"What's that about?", Ken asked.
James had no idea.
End of chapter.....