The room had gotten cold hours ago, barely illuminated by the white light of the monitors.
Bum, bum, bum… I could feel it.
The throbbing pain forming over my eyebrows, giving me the sensation of swelling, like a slight hood over my sunken eye sockets. I had always been haggard but nothing like the dark lines that made my high cheekbones even more evident, together with the blue light from the screen, gave me a sickly appearance. I nonchalantly glanced at the calendar in the bottom right corner of my computer, a week without sleep. I thought I would feel worse, but my mind was still surprisingly clear. Only the pain not quite building in the back of my head bothered me. And the constant burning in my stomach and throat… coffee was the only thing that kept me going, along with an occasional meal. I didn't have time for more.The tablet stylus scratched relentlessly, the sketches had been approved, and I could finish them. 9 more scenes and I would rest, I couldn't pay an assistant so I did everything myself, it was the most ambitious job I had taken on in the last two years. I had to do it, so I could take a few months without worrying about the next assignment. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of the small, empty doughnut-shaped bed. Chichi had died two weeks ago. Her things were still scattered all over the house, the cat was 15 years old, she had gotten sick and they had to hospitalize her, they were difficult days where the bills piled up. In the end she left, at dawn, under the yellowish light of the pet hospital, her cold body was all I got. I had to buy an urn, I couldn't just throw it away, I would sell my heart before abandoning her in a landfill, so I said yes. To the overpriced wooden box, to the cheap metal nameplate.
I considered selling my computer and tablet to pay for it, getting rid of everything I could to bring it home with me. It was a lonely pain. She was my girl, but she wasn't human, so I couldn't muster the courage to ask for help, I couldn't stand the stares, not knowing what to say, with superficial concern, silently offended by my pain. Because it was so stupid that I would do all that for a surly old cat who kicked them off the furniture when they came over. I couldn't help it, and rubbed my eyes, feeling a slight pain in the corners. Working also helped me not think and not to feel, I cried while drawing from time to time.
"Once it's over, I'll be able to cry, I'll sit down, take his things and cry in peace."
I was secretly afraid to shower, because I was afraid I would falter and not be able to get out of bed and sit at the computer to continue.
"Just this once, I'll do it like this, just this once, I'll finish and with that I'll be able to rest once and for all and I'll do what I have to do"
The little blue screen of my tablet was my savior, my lifeline, the thing I clung to to keep going and find a shred of normality in my life. When you suffer a loss, the first thing you want to achieve is not comfort, it is normality, desperately that normality that seems to give so much meaning to life.
"Red"
I repeated to focus.
The color of the villain, all of him was dyed red, his eyes were red, small and malevolent, and a bitter smile on his lips. I recognized the smile that I wore all my life. Even so, that rascal was a handsome man, because of my pride he had to be, I had built a reputation for drawing attractive characters and this would be no exception.
"You must be having a hard time to smile like that. My bad. Although, being a rich nobleman, I know it will happen soon"
I wanted to encourage him. The villain reminded me Chichi a little. Maybe that's why I talked to him while I drew him. Maybe I was just feeling lonely. A little more work on the roses and their cape and that would be it. I allowed myself to close my eyes for a brief moment, leaning back to rest, pursing my lips in an air kiss, craving for a cigarette. I had given it up because the cat didn't like it.
Looking back at the blue screen, I blinked a few times, my vision fading, cracking around the corners. tendrils of light that little by little went out, similar to a dream, and at some point a small picket...
My body spilled onto the floor from the chair, on the carpet the dull noise was not heard by anyone, in the darkness under the blue light that crowned my head after having dragged the wires of one of my screens. My breathing stopped and the familiar ceiling became a black mass…
I reached for the small screen. Where an uncompleted figure smiled at me sardonicly, with his demonic, tired eyes, and his messy black hair. The bloodthirsty archduke's smile seemed to widen before everything went black. Unknowingly, after great affliction, with few regrets and a feeling of weariness in my soul, I said goodbye to this world.