Abbott's POV
The kiss was supposed to be rude and stopped abruptly but for some reason, I let it linger.
It was meant to be a teachable moment to encourage the red haired girl in front of me with the greenest eyes I have ever seen to forget the notion of marrying into my family.
that being a Raven was a very bad decision on her part, a decision I planned to dissuade her from but for some reason, the kiss lingered.
I did not understand why and I have lived this life enough to realize that it is a waste of time trying to decipher some things.
Some things are just easier if left unanswered because some questions do not have answers and trying to understand them is excruciating and pointless.
I don't bother with pointless questions anymore.
I don't bother asking why the first ten years of my life are blank. It used to bother me that I don't' remember anything about my life till I was eleven years old. It used to bother me that I don't remember my mother's face or name or anything about life before I woke up from the unwilling slumber that left me fighting to live. A slumber Aldous Raven placed me in.
I don't bother asking why a father would despise his offspring the way Aldous despised me or why an uncle would hate his nephew the way i hate Markle or why for some reason, i have a need to protect this insolent child in front of me who doesn't know the harm she was about to do to herself.
I watched her curiously and I saw exactly what I was looking for. The hate in her eyes.
That hate I understand very well.
Hate I can deal with but the other part of her completely eluded me. The part of her that looks at the cut on my lips as something to be fussed about, those feelings she made me feel when she touched my split lips and inquired about how I came of it. It was alien and it made me uncomfortable.
My hand wandered to my lips and I touched the injury. It would leave a scar of course. Aldous tends to leave marks on me. He is the only man capable of doing that. My mind drifted to the conversation we had in his court yesterday.
I remembered every word that was spoken and every stupid face made and every bloody time he laughed like a stuffed pig.
I remember the way he watched Abigail leave the court and I remember how angry it made me.
"Well…well, the creator is indeed on my side, don't you think, Rat?"
"I wouldn't pretend to know what the creator wants, Aldous but i do know we have an agreement and you will honor it, your majesty or so help me, i will finish what i started when i was fifteen of years and this time around, i won't miss" i could feel the anger coursing through my veins but i remained calm as a still ocean.
I remained calm and I didn't flinch, not even when he slapped me across the face with the silver whip he was holding, drawing blood as usual from my split lip.
I spat out the blood on the floor. What else was new?
"You dare tell me what I can and can not do, rat?!"
I stared at him and it dawned on me instantly. Father got old.
He used to be this huge monster I ran from and feared as a child. He used to be what kept me awake at night and what haunted me during the day. He used to be the terror in my soul and the pain in my lower back. He used to be the demon of apocalyptic proportions.
He used to be the definition of hate and evil.
Aldous is the reason why i hate Markle as much as do right now, because i used to think Aldous was the way he was because something in him was broken…it was broken so bad that he was rendered incapable of feeling anything…incapable of love or any other emotion a man should feel for his flesh and blood and it was just enough explanation to stop the internal struggle in me.
Because hate might come easy for him but for me, it didn't.
I used to struggle…before.
I struggled because unlike him, I didn't hate him. I sought his approval and adoration afterall he was my father. I tried to love him despite his flaws and evilness.
He was a broken man…I said.
He was made wrong by the creator, it was no fault of his!
If he could, he would love me!
I came up with a lot of excuses because hating the father i loved was just too unbearable for an eleven year old boy who worshiped the ground he walked on, who wanted to make him see that he could amount to something, for that little boy who did everything in his power to protect the nephew he loves from the monster he wished someone had protected him for.
For the longest time, I kept Markle away from his wrath and whips and kicks. I kept my little nephew safe so he wouldn't have to experience what I did in the hands of Aldous.
I was only six years older but I took on the job of Markie's protector. I offered myself up for the crime Markle committed more times than i can count like when he accidently knocked over father's seal and it broken into two, that crime got me a kick to the groin and two nights in the dog's cage in his room, i found solace in the fact that i suffered so my flesh and blood didn't.
For the longest time, I kept Markle safe from this monster of biblical proportions until one day I stumbled on Aldous standing in the hall with Markle alone…I saw Markle accidentally knock over a vase and it shattered into pieces. I hastened up my steps because I knew what came next - the silver whip he always carries with him. I hastened up so he could beat me with it instead of nine year old Markle. I was only fifteen myself but I would rather he hit me than the nephew I loved.
I ran with all my might till I stopped abruptly because something cosmic happened…something that defined who i am today, something that both broke me and fixed me all at the same time.
I watched as this man that was supposed to be broken and incapable of love or any human feelings, I watched as he picked up Markle and checked to see if he was hurt.
I watched him kiss his cheek and cradle him like he was a babe.
I stood frozen there as he broke my heart…as he shattered me completely leaving me with nothing but pain and hate. It was the moment I realized that King Aldous Raven wasn't broken and he was capable of love and every human emotion. He was capable of loving someone…he just couldn't love me.
I am the thing he couldn't love.