Zero remained deflated near the riverbank, examining the gigantic feral hog's dead body in front of him. His snake companion was draped round his neck lazily with its head swinging about as if to make light of the mess he was in.
"Okay, Zero think. You're an educated modern man. How hard can it be to cook a boar?" After a short break, he paused to give the beast a squint. "I'd be tempted to say... Very hard… damn it."
As his temples pounded while memories of YouTube videos on how to prepare dishes surfaced in his head, he remembered the portions that must be used for the specific dish. The problem? The meat was in nicely packaged portions. No one had ever showed him how to process an animal's entire carcass.
"Okay, I am down to my last resort," he said quietly while still crouched behind the dead animal, "this should make it easier. Just cut out the fur; it's not that hard, alright? Alright." He extended his hand tremulously and tried to pull at the coarse hair of the boar. "This is revolting! Why does it have so many hairs?"
Zero's stomach started to growl and in response, he turned to the snake exclaiming how useless it was. "You are worthless you know that? Just have a look at yourself. How in the world have you contributed to this partnership apart from freaking me out?"
Hissing, the snake in anger swatted its tail about. It was only then that Zero observed the end of the tail that had a sharp, knife-like edge. A wicked grin spread across his face.
"Wait…" A smirk broke out on his lips. "That tail of yours looks great for the cutting. Come on, buddy, let's get put your tail to work!"
The snake gave out a whine, its body squirming in a futile effort to escape as Zero sought to clutch its tail.
"Oh, you're not getting out of this one," Zero stated, capturing the snake and lifting it into the air. The snake howled helplessly, like a human being, while in Zero's hands, the tail was already placed like a blade.
"Don't you dare cast your gaze at me like that," Zero commanded as he pulled the snake in the direction of the boar. "Now both of us are a team and there is no 'I' in a team, only a 'we'."
Zero initiated the scraping using the snake's tail against the boar's fur. The snake twisted and hissed, sounding suspiciously like it was cursing him in some unknown language only it knew. Nevertheless, the tail had the desired effect, cutting through the boar's coarse hair like shears.
"Quit fidgeting! Right now, you are the sharpest thing I possess!" Zero growled. After what felt like eternities (at most ten minutes), most of the boar's fur had finally been removed but it was in patches and uneven.
"Gosh, I can't believe how brilliant it is!" Zero said excitedly. The snake's glare was more pitiful but that never ceased about the task at hand.
'The next step was the guts if my memory serves me right.' Zero thought as he remembered his life watching survival shows.
Gasping, Zero was forced to use the snake's tail in quite a peculiar manner, cutting into the boar's linea alba. The stench was unbearable. He backed away while placing his hand on his stomach. "Please, no. Please."
The moment the liver's pungent odor reached his nose, Zero lost his mind. He turned and vomited into the bushes, the snake looking at him with what could only be described as smug satisfaction.
Slowly cleaning his mouth, Zero bellowed the teen like a banshee, "This is the worst day of my life." He looked over at the snake, "And you don't have the privilege of judging me. You were supposed to be my survival buddy!"
The snake flicked its tongue as if to say, "Not my fault you're weak. I am not the pathetic one. It is simple, squeeze yourself in and fight.. Amateur"
Disregarding the snake's inactivity, Zero went a step ahead to look for something more challenging and focused his attention on the challenge for which this place was famous.
Zero, determined not to let the snake win whatever silent argument they were having, set his sights on the next challenge: fire.
The words echoed in his head. Fire. A fundamental element of survival.
"Okay lets do this, fire. Fire is easy.
There is nothing difficult to achieve here. People have been able to do this for thousands of centuries. It only takes two pieces of wood to do this, some swatting, and er… some willpower?" After searching for a piece of wood First, he picked up a stick, then a small piece of wood, and began rubbing them energetically.
But nothing happened.
He tried once more. And again. Sweat collected on the specific areas of his face and the sun was beginning to withdraw from the horizon. His arms hurt terribly and his stomach made the most unnerving sounds he had ever experienced.
"Why. Is. This. Not. Working?!" Zero shouted as he hurled his stick.
The snake went down from Zero's neck.
As it turned out, the snake's next destination was the boar's body. In a single motion, it quickly stamped its long tail onto flesh and commenced chomping down on it.
Mouth slacked open in shock, Zero exclaimed, "You're joking! You're going to eat it raw?"
The snake ignored his comment as its tail waved back and forth while it chomped on more flesh.
His stomach growled again, louder this time he controlled himself and made an inside joke. "That's nonsense. That's not happening? Nope. Nope. No way! I'm not doing that. What do you think I am? A savage! I am a modern man. I will have cooked meat, or I will have nothing!!"
___
Zero tried to drag time looking at the sky hoping the hour would pass quickly. The Exhaustion Law on you is that the one whose arms become like noodles from excessive exertion. Then, after much anticipation—a tiny little spark finally appeared on the block Zero had been rubbing for a while.
"YES!" he stated in a whisper so that no one else could listen to him. All eyes were stuck on him now; "Wooooo!" Zero pushed with the imaginary crowd's cheering.
But just as quickly this time, as the ember was lodging itself onto the tiny base, water suddenly crashed into it obliterating it thoroughly.
Zero stared in disbelief, his jaw hanging open due to the sudden splash of water, as a small ripple spread across the river.
"Did the—did the river just—what...WHY! Why did the river do that?" He felt discouraged with nothing working out and sat down.
Now flat on his back, Zero was tossing and turning on the floor as he twitched with the growl of his stomach. "Why me? Why live this life? I didn't ask for hell in the jungle!"
In his dreams of escaping the pain, he managed to roll to his side. His eyes saw something far away which was glowing in the darkness. A small lizard came before him, abruptly a flame had appeared on its head.
Zero froze like a mannequin and his mouth hung open in shock, "Is that… a living lighter?!"
The lizard turned its head and now its fire was burning even brighter, as if it wanted to tease him more.
Zero pointed his shaky finger at the direction of the creature. "You! Fire lizard! Come here!"
Before the word could fully leave his mouth, the lizard blinked and ran away into the forest.
He was ready to dash after the lizard who had darted into a shrub. "Oh no, you don't!" Zero yelled risking his life as he gave chase.
The snake coiled around Zero's neck as he bolted across the jungle, with Zero holding on for dear life and crashing through vegetation and roots. His only goal was his 'Living Lighter'.
"I'm not going to come in second place to a lizard. Come back here, you little fire hazard!" Zero shouted.
The lizard, appearing to relish the escapade, quickened its pace further, its little flickering flame dancing joyfully in the wind. With nothing but stress and paranoia, Zero strained himself even more in desperation and hunger sent him jostling forward.
"Snake, do something useful for once!" howled Zero when he stumbled onto a protruding stone. Snakes' hiss came out rather fiercely compressing its body against his neck.
The scene progressed further into the daylight hours only routing the screams of Zero cut with the snake's hissing making for a cacophony that filled the jungle as the lizard led them on an escapade.