The World As Will

I wish I were deaf. Deaf to so many sounds and noises, opinions and voices. He said: I wish there were utter silence or at least music, music with no voices. To be unbounded by anything, yes having reached this stage is an accomplishment. There is no looking back, no nostalgia because though souvenirs may exist there is no longing for the past and for childhood lands. There is only the present. I AM partly deaf, he thinks, despite how the family tries again and again to bring him back in a place he has left for good. Where he is now is not better, no, he is not attached to it either. Not anymore at least. Perhaps there is the waiting. We all wait for life to unfurl and to reveal itself before our eyes. He says all this with a dignified and categorical tone of voice. He does seem sure of what he says because it appears only logical to his mind. Not only mathematical logic but existentially proven, as something only found in wisdom books, kept in secrecy. He always felt he was some kind of philosopher. Detached in some way from the materiality of existence and above it all. Such things as family ties, careers, even love, do not hold any real meaning to him. Unless as concepts or narratives. Some hold that he is on a mission but it is not true. He has been like that forever. But he is not alone. Alone in existence, yes, yet not the first and only to think like that. That is what he tells himself because he found likeminded persons through the books he read. Their lives, their trials mirror his own. Once and for all, he wished that he had departed. But it did not happen. No sound of it remains in his memory or perhaps is it kept buried under layers that he himself built, like a dead man. Roderick. The fears he has are for the animals under his watch but for himself, what remains of him, there is no reason why he would fear anything. Except perhaps being in a dark room for too long, tortured, feeling the hotness like burning magnesium. Nonetheless there is no reason why one would do such to him.