Tired delusional life

Suddenly I had this thought what really is love. I guess love is nothing special. It need not be anything special. Sharing ourselves and our thoughts , that is enough. Sometimes we get scared we become a coward of whether what we are experiencing is love or not . We often lose the people that we really want to loved by because of that fear. But we just move on. Sometimes we don't understand why it is so normal when we are with our loved ones. Sometimes even dull and boring and it would lead to a fight somehow. I think it's just because we think romantic love is something our heart should always flutter for. I have never dated before nor had any crush. Not experiencing doesn't mean we don't know anything about it. Delusional life is not that bad. I guess because it keeps us away from the reality. I don't know why I get suddenly sad and depressed like I experienced something really bad but not so. I get tired of life I want to fast forward the time. Sometimes I think a lot, a lot that I just want a holiday from this reality. Sometimes I really want a person I can hold on to but sometimes I just want to be left alone in this world so I can be myself even for a moment. I don't have anything special like a huge sad moment or a huge happy moments in my life or something that I can talk about. My life is very normal. So normal that I don't really have a moment that I cried for being sad. Thinking about it I don't really have any sad or happy moment. My life is just full of neutrality. Sometimes I hate for being so normal. It's not a sin to be normal but I just feel like it. I don't feel any emotions. I want to talk a lot but I don't have anything to talk about so I just keep silence. Fading away I guess it is. Fading till death.