"What's up with all the long faces? And why is this guy tied up? Don't tell me he's been bitten?"
Ash Williams, grinning as always, hoisted his buzzing chainsaw high, the buttons on his suspenders clattering noisily. His posture made it seem like he was ready to saw Quicksilver in half.
And don't think for a second he wasn't serious. Or that he was just bluffing. This was the same guy who, on his first day crossing into the Marvel Universe from Evil Dead, had tried to take a swing at Daredevil with his saw.
Whether he actually landed that swing, well… that's another story.
"Don't move! Ash, that's my brother. He's not infected!"
A red energy instantly enveloped the chainsaw, forcibly jamming the chain mechanism. A harsh clanking noise echoed as the device ground to a halt.
Ash turned his head to see Wanda Maximoff standing there, one eyebrow raised in irritation, her hand glowing with crimson energy.
"No way… was he seriously about to cut me?" Pietro stared at Ash in disbelief. "Does this guy even ask questions before acting? He doesn't seem like he's socially awkward."
At that moment, a shrill, screeching voice pierced the tense air.
"Quack-quack-quack—Howard! Today, you'll be my feast—"
BANG!
The screeching was abruptly silenced by a single gunshot. Everyone turned in shock toward the source of the sound, which came from behind Ash.
Flapping weakly on the ground was an oversized duck in a tattered blue suit, trying to crawl forward. Its once-vivid feathers were now dull, gray, and unkempt. Lifeless, oversized eyes filled nearly a third of its face, adding to its grotesque appearance.
Scratching his head, Noah muttered, "Man, this thing looks like it wandered over from Mickey Mouse's side of the fence. Well, except for the zombie part."
Howard the Duck, or Howard T. Duck, had once been a resident of Duckworld. A freak accident stranded him on Earth, where he'd reluctantly turned to detective work to make ends meet, even resorting to working at a zoo for scraps during tough times.
Now, though…
Its once-adorable bill was twisted and grotesque, with decaying flesh stretched over its surface in mottled shades of gray and black. Sharp, uneven teeth jutted out in random directions, smeared with blood and bits of rotting flesh.
When it opened its mouth, the sight inside was even worse. Jagged remnants of decayed food were stuck between its teeth, and its tongue twitched like a lump of spoiled meat. A stomach-turning stench wafted out, enough to make anyone gag.
"Howard the Duck? I think I remember this guy. Isn't he, like, a half-baked superhero or something?" Pietro, perched on Noah's shoulder, craned his neck to get a better look.
"Well, if your idea of a superhero is someone who drives a mean taxi and spies on cheating spouses, then yeah, it's him," Noah replied dryly, raising his gun and putting the poor creature out of its misery with another shot.
"So, Ash, are you still playing with that busted chainsaw of yours?" Noah turned back toward Ash, but his words caught in his throat.
"Yeah, yeah! Without my trusty chainsaw, how else is the great Ash supposed to carve his way through this world, find the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis, and save the world from the fires of hell?" Ash declared dramatically, his voice filled with overconfidence.
"And now look what your little missy's done! The chains are jammed! How am I supposed to use it like this?"
Ash gave the saw a couple of frustrated kicks, muttering curses as he tried to fix the jammed chain. He yanked on the handle, jiggled the device, and finally managed to get it working again. The chainsaw roared to life with its deafening buzz.
"Alright, miss, looks like I'm back in business! Now, where's the next quacking zombie for me to fight? Bring it on!" Ash smirked, his grin equal parts heroic and deranged.
Wanda, unimpressed, rolled her eyes and pointed to Howard's lifeless corpse on the ground.
Before Ash could launch into another round of boasts, Wanda quickly changed the subject. "Ash, do you know anything about the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis? Where it came from? How it works?" Her voice betrayed a sense of urgency and hope.
Time was running out. If the Necronomicon could help end this apocalypse, it might just be worth the risk.
Ash had barged into the Avengers' compound less than an hour ago, shooting the locks off the door and yelling about the end of days, demonic possession, and an army of the dead. Now, with the zombie outbreak in full swing, his wild claims didn't seem quite so ridiculous.
"Of course, I know! This is the rise of the Army of Darkness! All we need to do is find the book and—"
"Stop. Just stop. I've heard enough. It's all nonsense," Noah interrupted, his voice heavy with exhaustion.
He had hoped Ash, as the protagonist of Evil Dead, might have some profound insight into their current predicament. Instead, all he got was more theatrics and vague warnings about apocalyptic armies.
Wanda looked at Noah for guidance, but he was already waving her off.
"Wanda, do us all a favor: take this guy and his chainsaw, and throw them as far out of the city as possible."
"Gladly."
With barely a second's hesitation, Wanda raised her hands. Crimson energy wrapped around Ash, chainsaw and all. With a flick of her wrist, the air around him warped and twisted, and then he was gone.
The eerie silence that followed was a welcome relief.
"I swear, that guy's more annoying than the zombies," Wanda muttered.
Noah chuckled softly as he reloaded his gun.
"So, what's next? Do we find the Quinjet?" Wanda asked, stepping closer.
"Nope," Noah said, a sly grin on his face. "We're going to find the Necronomicon."
"Wait, what?"