I lay awake staring at the ceiling thinking of everything but nothing. I think about how I was so close to participating in the race but that's all gone now and together with my hopes of going to a good college. At least I have some good grades that'll help me get into a public college and as for the tuition, I know we'll have to scrap by to be able to do it and I can't even help out with my bad leg and all.
I sniffle to hold back my tears because it even hurts to cry with my bruised ribs, I just can't understand what kind of deal my mom made with that ignorant jerk to make him pay for all this. I hope he didn't force her to do anything she didn't want to do but I trust she must've made the right decision. I close my eyes to forget about everything when I had the immense feeling of dread fill my stomach. I don't know what was happening, maybe I was having a panic attack about everything, I just wanted my mom with me, she always knew how to calm me down. Where was she, she ought to be back by now. I try to focus on my breathing and when that wasn't helping, I pressed the button connected to the wall to call for a nurse.in a few minutes, the same nurse walks into the room in a hurry.
"Sorry you were all left alone, we just had accident Infront of the building, some woman was hit by the ambulance truck and she's been taking to the ICU but hopefully shell make it, well enough of that, what can I do for you? Are you in any discomfort?" she says all in one breath before noticing the tears on my face.
"where's my mum? can you call her, she said she was going to go get coffee but she hasn't been back yet" I say in between gasps as it really hurts to cry properly
"Oh, sorry Hun, I met her before she left, she said she had to go do something at her hospital but she'll be back later tonight to check in on you" she says slowly comforting me. I say nothing and just pray silently for her to come back soon smelling of cinnamon.
The nurse couldn't stay for long as she had other patients to attend to. I asked her to please check my backpack and charge my phone. She left after plugging it in, I got to see the condition it was in. I had broken my screen guard but it was still working just fine. I asked her to send over some cinnamon tea to help me calm down before my mom got back and she said she'll personally deliver it herself.
Knock knock
I hear someone knocking and I whisper yell to the person to come in.
I see Mr. jerk face come in and he's looking down all disheveled and as I continue to take in his appearance which was greatly in contrast to when I first met him earlier, I notice the blood on his hands and shirt.
"What is that on your hands? did you injure yourself?" I asked with genuine concern.
He doesn't answer instead he looks down even further and folds his hands across his stomach.
"There isn't any way I can tell you this, but I am so sorry for what I am about to say miss" he continues still looking down.
"What do you mean? You haven't answered my question and why are your hands covered in blood?" I still ask persistently.
"it's not my blood"
"Then whose blood, is it?" I ask again with my heart pounding. Something in me told me I wasn't going to like the answer.
"There isn't any better way to say this but I wish there was"
"Just spit it out already, whose blood is it" I ask this time half yelling
"You have to know; it wasn't my fault"
"I'm not going to ask again" loosing my patience this time
"It's about your mother, she thought of you till the very end"
"What do you mean till the end, you're scaring me"
"She um, got hit by the hospital ambulance on her way to her car and I'm sorry to say she unfortunately didn't make, my condolence to you and your family"
"What family! She is my only family! You're lying she can't be dead; she was just alive a couple of minutes ago. What kind of sick twisted game are you playing at, are peoples lives a joke to you?" I say not letting the news register in my mind. Its impossible, my mom can't be dead. Maybe it was someone that looked like my mum.
"I really am sorry for your loss and I don't joke about people's lives"
"you're one to talk when you hit me while drunk"
"I wasn't drunk!"
"You can tell everyone else that but I know what I smelt on you before I fainted, you can't lie to me and you can't lie about my mum being dead, it's not remotely funny" I say back to him with tears brimming in my eyes
He opened his mouth to talk but got interrupted with the familiar nurse barging into the room.
"Oh, Hun I'm so sorry for your loss, its going to be okay, you'll be okay" she said running to hug me and engulf me in a hug
"you're also in on it too, you told me a woman got it but it can't possibly my mum" I say fighting the tears as I stare at Mr. jerk face, he looked startled and continued to look down with a face of regret.
"I didn't know it was her until I heard her name from the doctor outside, I'm so sorry Hun "she continues to say while hugging me tightly
"you're lying I want to see my mum, call her and tell her I want to see her, call her!" I yell at jerk face and the nurse only hugs me tighter as if I was a porcelain doll that was going to break at any moment.
"I'm so sorry for your loss once again miss Lillian" he says once again while bowing his head down
"Get out! I said get out!" I yell at him angrily
He doesn't budge, I remove my pillow and throw it him.
"Can you please leave us for a moment Mr. Devin" the nurse says as she picks up on my frustration
"Alright then" he turns around to walk away
"Wait!" I yell at him and he stops before reaching the door
"You said she thought of me till the end" I manage to say in between tears
"Yes, she did"
"What did she say?" I ask pleadingly
He hesitates for a moment then proceeds to speak
"She wanted me to tell you that she loved you and she always will" he says not looking in to my eyes
"Is that all?" I ask sensing him he had something else to say
"No, she entrusted me with your care, that's all" he continues then he heads out the door.
I scream with frustration as the tears continue to flow. The nurse keeps patting me on my heads while hugging me tightly. She keeps saying sweet but comforting words into my ears but they all fall on deaf ears. I just continue to cry out. I can't believe I've lost the only thing that mattered to me in this world. My mom, my sweet hardworking mom. My hope. The only person who supported and took care of me. My safe space is now gone. She is the only person who knows the real me. I have known only her for my entire life and I've never known a life without her. I can't believe she's gone and he was with her in her last moments. He took away everything dear to me. First it was my chance at securing the championship and now he took the precious last moments of my mom alive away from me. If only I had not survived the crash, that way she had no business being anywhere near this hospital, no wait if only that jackass had not been speeding while drunk in the first place. Yes, he's the cause for all my problems. It started with him and it will end with him and I'll make sure of it. I continue to rant alone in my head while crying and hugging the nurse back to console myself.