The silent cold of nothingness woke me up the next morning as I found myself wetting the sheets on which I slept on,like a disabled being I knew my brain was lacking in some ways but this wasn't new too me. You know how humans are different and they express emotions in different ways, that was my case, after the loss of my mom I stretched to understand the sense of freedom I've just gained, with no one caring how my life played out at that moment my plan was already a moving car.
Coming from one of my freedom movements I saw them as they piled up like sardines in a can in a car belonging to my neighbor, it was the Man,my sister, aunty and my neighbors all in a four sitting car looking like that of a "Toyota" dey stop and asked me to get in, and I said "where too"(like I was going to fit into any place but the boot) and they said to see my mom I told them not too worry that I would not be able to control myself.... but deep down I knew that I just didn't want too see her laying there lifeless and see the Man faking tears for her ,it would make me laugh,this should be a reminder to you people out there not everyone you see marry for love,, some people marry because you are well manner and will be a good parent,
Some marry because they are getting old, others for financial status or peer pressure. It's all the same story both men and women, we are all monsters of our own divinity.
The closing of the door behind then welcomed them back from seeing my mom with different words of complimentary towards her, one I won't forget was when they said that even in death she still looks so fine and fresh as someone who's still alive.This brought both pain and comfort to my heart .. I knew my mom was beautiful but this was next level,and then it happened the moment that made me realize some people can never learn or even as much as try to become better because for some people there is no better only worse. Ok, normally I've always been someone with the flow of water,I've always found water fascinating it was the representation of different emotions in one being,"peace when the water is still joy when it flows,anger and frustration when it's stormy."
So that night some found me by the well lost in my thoughts I zoned out of reality seeing the world through the steadiness of the water unknown to me that someone was calling out to me, I was snapped out of my journey with the touch from one of my neighbors saying to me .. "it is well don't think too much, please leave this area that this well is in so you don't think of jumping into it" just when she said it,was when I actually had the thought of it.but then came the Man that night saying to me "so you love your mother more than me right" the anger than boiled from the depth of my soul made me realize how selfish he was,I was in mourning and in lot of pain and all he could do was try knowing who's my favorite, of course ,of course she is my favorite and also my rock because she could never think like that or act so immature even in time of crisis she was the Queen of perfection,the perfect image of goddess in woman...I adored her,still do..
The questions he asked where absurd and didn't make any sense to me even the remembrance of these emotions while writing this makes me sick but I will say this not everyone who is old enough is well enough to be a parent it's a thing of mental awareness