The cafeteria at STAR Labs was quieter than usual, the clinking of trays and low murmurs of conversation barely cutting through the stillness of Ethan's mind. He sat at a small, round table, his hands wrapped around a cup of coffee that was growing cold, forgotten. The warmth of the mug did little to ease the chill gnawing at his chest.
Caitlin sat across from him, her own cup untouched, eyes studying him carefully, waiting. The silence stretched between them, the kind of quiet that was too heavy to ignore. Ethan could feel the weight of everything pressing on him—the Speed Force, his changing body, his memories coming back in fragments, and the overwhelming feeling that he was caught in something much bigger than he could handle.
Ethan hadn't spoken much since Caitlin had explained what had happened in the lab. He still couldn't wrap his mind around it all. His body was changing, and his mind was racing in the wake of the surge of energy he had felt earlier. Part of him still wondered if it was all real—or if he was just losing it. But then, the memories came flooding back, uninvited and chaotic.
Some were clear, like vivid flashes of his childhood, growing up alongside Barry in their small house on the outskirts of Central City. He could see their parents, their faces so full of life, their laughter echoing in the halls. He could feel his mother's warm embrace, the smell of her perfume clinging to the air as she held him close. Those memories were sharp, comforting.
But others were hazy. Fleeting. Strange. He could hear someone's voice calling his name, but when he tried to focus on it, it slipped away. Faces blurred together—his own, Barry's—like he was seeing them through a foggy window. He couldn't quite place who they belonged to or why they felt so distant.
The hardest part, though, was the gap. There were years, memories that had been stolen from him, parts of his life that felt like they had been erased entirely. He could see flashes of a life he didn't remember, moments that seemed too significant to ignore, yet so far out of reach.
His grip on the coffee mug tightened as the flood of images threatened to overwhelm him. His heart raced, his pulse quickening as the pressure built. He couldn't breathe.
"Ethan?"
Caitlin's voice cut through the haze, bringing him back to the present. He blinked, shaking his head as if waking from a deep sleep. Caitlin was looking at him with concern, her brow furrowed.
"Are you alright?" she asked softly, leaning forward.
Ethan swallowed hard, his throat dry. "Yeah, just—just thinking. It's... it's a lot to process."
"I get it," Caitlin said, her voice steady. "But you can't keep it all inside. You need to talk about it."
Ethan nodded, but the words wouldn't come. He wasn't sure where to start. He wasn't even sure if he could explain the storm of thoughts in his head. How could he explain the strange connection he felt to everything around him now? How could he explain the overwhelming sense that something was wrong, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it?
"You said it was the Speed Force," Ethan finally said, his voice tight. "I—I don't even know what that means. How do I know it's real? How do I know I'm not losing my mind?"
Caitlin's expression softened, and she leaned back slightly, considering her words carefully. "The Speed Force is real, Ethan. I know it's hard to believe. Trust me, I've seen it up close, with Barry. But it's... it's a kind of energy field, an ancient one, really. It's the source of speed in this world. It can make you faster, stronger, but it also has a way of connecting to your mind in ways you might not expect."
Ethan raised an eyebrow, skeptical but desperate for answers. "So, what? I'm supposed to just accept that I'm some kind of... superhuman now? I'm not Barry. I don't know how to control any of this."
"You're not Barry," Caitlin agreed, her voice firm but gentle. "But that doesn't mean you can't learn to control it. You're still adjusting. This isn't something anyone can just pick up overnight. Barry had his own struggles when he first got his powers."
"Yeah, but Barry's... well, Barry," Ethan muttered, his mind drifting back to his brother. The memories of their childhood were coming back more clearly now, the bond they shared, their rivalry, their moments of quiet understanding. He could remember the way Barry had always been a step ahead of him, a little smarter, a little faster. And now, Barry was the Flash. The hero. The symbol of hope.
What did that make Ethan?
"You're not just a sidekick, you know," Caitlin said, her words soft but carrying an undeniable weight. "You've got abilities, too. Abilities that are your own. The Speed Force is different for everyone. Barry had his way of using it, but that doesn't mean you can't find your own path."
Ethan took a deep breath, but the unease still gnawed at him. "What if I can't? What if I'm just... too different? What if I'm not supposed to have these powers?"
"Ethan," Caitlin said firmly, her voice taking on a note of conviction. "You're still you. But you've been chosen by the Speed Force for a reason. It doesn't just give its power to anyone. It's not about whether you're supposed to have it, it's about what you do with it. And you're not alone in this. Barry's here, and I'm here, too."
Her words, though reassuring, didn't settle the turbulence inside Ethan. He felt like a storm was brewing within him, an energy he couldn't control and didn't know how to direct. But Caitlin was right about one thing—he wasn't alone. At least, he wasn't yet.
"What if..." Ethan began, his voice hesitant, the thought forming as he spoke, "What if I don't want to be a hero? What if I just want to be... me?"
Caitlin's expression softened, her eyes understanding. "You don't have to be a hero if you don't want to. No one's forcing you to take on that role. But your abilities are part of you now. You can't just ignore them, Ethan. If you don't use them, they'll start to control you. The Speed Force is a powerful thing, and once it takes hold, it's not something you can run from."
Ethan clenched his fists, feeling the faint buzz of energy running through his veins. He wasn't sure if it was the Speed Force or just the pressure of everything crashing down on him, but something inside him shifted. He didn't know if he could ever fully accept this new version of himself. But he did know one thing for sure: he couldn't ignore it anymore.
He looked up at Caitlin, his gaze steady. "I don't know if I can do this, Caitlin. But... I'll try. For now."
Caitlin nodded, her face breaking into a small, encouraging smile. "That's all anyone can ask for."
As the quiet settled between them again, Ethan took another sip of his now-cold coffee. The taste was bitter on his tongue, but it felt grounding. Caitlin's presence beside him, steady and reassuring, was the only thing keeping him from losing his grip on everything.
Maybe he wasn't ready. Maybe he never would be. But one thing was clear—his life had already changed. And there was no going back.