"That dream was painful for me." Yosan.
￣￣￣￣
In the pitch darkness, Yosan stood alone in the center of an empty room, a glimmer of light shining on his silent body. It was so quiet, as if the world around him no longer existed. Suddenly, however, a cheerful voice broke the silence, drawing Yosan's attention. He turned his head and found a small child playing with a toy in front of him. The child seemed unperturbed by his surroundings, lost in his own world.
But shortly after, a heavy voice was heard from behind, distracting the little boy. His cheerful expression instantly disappeared, replaced with a face full of dissatisfaction. Yosan who saw that was shocked, but what shocked him even more was the unexpected fact that the little boy in front of him turned out to be him, a version of his childhood that he never imagined could appear so vividly in front of him.
Trembling, Yosan looked back, sensing something odd and strange. When his gaze fell on the other side of his past self, he was stunned. There, stood a man in shabby clothes, covered in wounds, and looking tired, as if he had just gone through unspeakable suffering. The man's face radiated dark memories of when he was Arthur's prisoner, and Yosan's heart sank at the painful reality.
The man looked at him coldly. "How can you still like humans, Yosan? You should hate them. Where is your hatred? Why don't you hate them anymore?" the man said with a sad and grim face.
Yosan swallowed, trying to find the words to reply. However, before he could speak, little Yosan suddenly interrupted with a sharp look. "So what, what's wrong if she still likes humans?" he said innocently, questioning without burden.
"You ask why? Don't you remember all the mistreatment we received in the past? How can you forget the cruel treatment of those savages who treated you so badly? You saw it with your own eyes, didn't you?" said the shabby Yosan, pointing at the present Yosan with an angry gaze.
The present-day Yosan could only remain stunned silent. Flashes of bad memories began to appear, recalling the various physical, mental, and mental tortures he had experienced. They made him often feel fearful of the people around him.
"But not all humans are bad! Aren't there some good ones?" replied little Yosan, his voice sounding more like a defense of the present Yosan who had made peace with his past, rather than an answer.
The scarred man snorted. "You said good? Have you forgotten how they destroyed you? Stomped on you after you lost? Are those bad memories not enough to make you hate them? I don't understand how you can still persist with that thought."
Before the present-day Yosan could reply, the cheerful voice of the little boy came back. "Of course I still remember it clearly, but still... not all humans are evil like them! I have a lot of good memories."
"They gave gifts, they played with me... made me feel comfortable, safe, and happy," said the little boy, smiling sweetly as he hugged his toy, recalling his colorful childhood and fond memories that still made him believe that not all humans were evil, that there was still goodness in this world.
The scarred man looked coldly at the little version of himself. "You're naive," he said sharply. "Humans are only good when they get something out of you. Once you're no longer useful, they'll discard you. Just like they did with us."
The adult Yosan stood in the middle of the two sides of himself that still liked and believed that no human was evil, and the one full of hatred and pain. Good and bad memories began to collide in his head, creating a chaos that he found difficult to control.
"If that's the case, have you forgotten how people used to treat you with affection, even though you used to get into trouble and misbehave as a child? Even after mom and dad left, everyone in the Whipper Kingdom still treated you well, not caring about your shortcomings, such as your inability to do martial arts back then!" Little Yosan looked at the shabby Yosan with a stern gaze, trying to realize that not all humans were evil.
"Everyone also likes and praises you for what you have done for them, for your leadership as king," Little Yosan continued.
Shabby Yosan clenched his fists furiously, his teeth chattering. "But not after we lost the war. Everyone in Whipper didn't want to see us. The nobles began to look down and scorn us, who couldn't hold on to power, and could only cry at all that had happened."
"Have you forgotten how the people of the Whipper Kingdom were on the verge of collapse under Arthur's leadership after your defeat? If only you had been more useful back then, maybe none of this would have happened!"
The shabby Yosan vividly remembers being imprisoned in a small cage, paraded around the kingdom to witness destruction after destruction. He saw his people reluctant to look at him after the defeat and destruction of the kingdom in the war against Arthur's kingdom. Similarly, when he was in the holding cell, some nobles came only to bully, mock, or simply enjoy the suffering he experienced.
He also recalled a glimpse of information from a merchant about the deteriorating condition of the Whipper Kingdom under Arthur's cruel and heartless leadership.
"Even Carl betrayed us, and so did Lidya." The shabby Yosan recalled. Carl turned out to be a spy from the Lynden kingdom who leaked information about strategy, strength, and other things to Arthur to ensure victory in the war against him. Likewise, Lidya suddenly sided with Arthur, praising the man yet denigrating him in front of everyone.
"You must hate them again, Yosan! Kill them if you have to. Avenge everything they've ever done to you!" The man's voice grew angrier. "Hate all humans who have ever hurt you, including Reina!"
Shabby Yosan recalled the wounds he had inflicted in the past, especially when Reina had misunderstood him and Lady Marie. That ended with Yosan getting a very severe punishment.
"Humans are all the same!" Yosan shouted with emotion. "They only care about themselves. When they can use you, they will praise you, but once you are no longer useful, they will throw you away without a second thought!"
Little Yosan, who was still hugging his toy, looked at shabby Yosan sharply. "But that's not entirely true! You know that!" he said firmly. "Wasn't it Reina who was always there for you? Who saved you from deeper destruction? She was also the one who saw the good side of you, even though you were full of scars and pain."
The adult Yosan, who stood between the two sides of himself, began to feel claustrophobic. The conflict within him continued to rumble, making it difficult for him to think clearly. Memories of suffering, betrayal, and loss began to clash with sweet memories of warmth, love, and forgiveness.
The shabby Yosan approached, staring hatefully at the present Yosan. "You believe that Reina cares about you? You think she's different? Remember how she punished you without a second thought! Remember how she took Marie's side, regardless of what really happened!"