Numb.
Numb was the only way to accurately describe what I was feeling. Even as the heat of the distant flames seemed to lick at my skin, I couldn't seem to feel it. There was a coldness in my chest that had never been there before. Not when I thought I saw my Mother die last year, not when leaving camp today with no intention of going back. No this coldness came from seeing my apartment complex up in flames in the middle of the night, and knowing that everyone in there had burned.
"There were no survivors," was what the firemen and police said to the press when they appeared on scene.
Just... numb.
—
After leaving the infirmary, I went and tracked down Argus and asked the eye covered man to drive me into town. He was reluctant at first, shaking his head not, but something in my eyes, some look on my face must have stopped him because the next thing I knew was on the road in the camp van with me having nothing but the things I could hastily throw in my bookbag. I guess he knew that even if he didn't do this, I would just hitch hike.
Argus drove me as far as he would normally for any demigod mission. The walk to my apartment wasn't a terrible one, but it would take a few hours to get there. I couldn't help but sigh. I have the time.
As I finally make it to the block my apartment complex is one, I start to get a headache from the smell of smoke. Not an uncommon occurrence in the city, but it's also not normally this strong either. The smell only gets stronger the closer I get to the apartment. I can almost taste the smoke on my tongue, and hear the sirens in the distance.
When I finally got home, the place was in flames.
I stand on the street, watching the vultures people deem fit to call humans, as they gather outside the building. Not a single one of them lived in the building. There's an alley close enough to the commotion that I can still hear the people and the police scanner talking. It's cool in here, letting me catch the breath that I didn't know that I was missing. Something swirled in my gut, and I puked up my lunch from earlier. Even then, crouching in an alley, staring at my home as it's in flames, knowing that my Mother was in there, that she's dead, I didn't cry. It was like something in me burned along with them, and I didn't know how to get it back.
I didn't even know if I wanted it back.
—
I ended up having an all night dinner not far from the apartment complex. The place was popular with college students during the school year, but only had a few customers at the moment since it was summer. I had dragged myself here and all but threw myself into the nearest seat to the T.V. The news was going, showing convergence of the fire.
"Just in," an over excited news reporter chirped, "a local apartment building has been set ablaze," my attention caught on the word set. Set meant it was on purpose. "The fire department and police department are working together to find the arsonist. Officers on scene have reported that there were no survivors of the incident."
Annoyance flashed through me. Of course it's arson. And of course it had to be my building at a time when I was away with no true alibi and a very strange criminal history for a thirteen year old. It was just a matter of time till the police saw this and decided that I was their pyro. It was ironic in a way, being the son of Posiedon and all.
The way I saw it, I had two options: since Posiedon has made his position on even visiting very clear I couldn't stay with him. Best case I end up in the foster care system, worst case, jail. Neither was all that appealing to me.
I left the dinner with a plan in mind for a third option.
—
There's a local library near the apartment building and the dinner. The place is small and not very popular, but there are enough students and scholars in the city to keep the place a float. The library itself was one of the shorter buildings in the city, older too, and possessing an olf money sort of feeling. There were only two stories to the building, made of dark brick and large windows thst open out onto a sloping roof. If i looked carefully, i could just make out what looked to be a hidden flat spot where all the sides of the roof meet. Looking at the library, it truly did seem like something found in the pages of the Great Gastby, a book that Annabeth had made me read during the school year. It was beautiful, ethereal.
The night cast dark shadows onto the street as I left the more well lit area of the street. Before stepping inside the alleyway that was half made up by the library, I stopped to listen. Stilling my breath, I listened for any sounds around me other than that of my own widely beating heart. The only thing I could hear was the scattering of a mouse's nails on the pavement as it rooted for trash nearby.
Dealing with and seeing homeless people in alleys was an average, everyday occurrence for those living in bigger cities, but I couldn't help but to feel some weight leave my chest when it seemed that none were there. Though normal, some of the drunker ones could get quite violent. Even though I'm a demigod, I was still a scrawny thirteen year old with a weapon that is harmless against mortals. In times like this, I began to understand why Luke would opt for a weapon that could hurt everyone. The quiet was also welcome because it meant that there were no monsters of Ancient Greek origin lurking about either. Monster and homeless people can really put a retch into a person's plans of committing a minor felony.
I made my way into the dim lit alley, walking to the middle of it where the light seemed to reach the least. There are openings into well lit city streets on both sides of the alley, so this would be the best coverage that I could hope to get.
At camp, there is a rock wall with lava that pours down it, trying to get to the campers. The exercise seems crude, having children climb a dangerous rock wall, the only thing keeping them going up it is the knowledge that if they don't move fast enough they will get burned. While speed is an integral component of making up the wall safely, it cannot always be relied on. I taught myself to jump and maneuver around the contraption, so that when the lava gets too close to invading my personal space, I could just escape it along with any pain it might bring. Pain has always been a nuisance following me, so I took any opportunity I could get to avoid it.
A little to my right was a large dumpster. The thing was mostly empty, only having a few trash bags in it. I smirked to myself and closed the lid on it. This will do. The space from the library wall to that of the adjacent building was a little more than the width of my arms from fingertip to fingertip when I stretched them out. The spacing was unforgettable, but I would make due. I have to afterall. I pressed my back on the library wall and jumped at the other building's wall, getting a feeling for the distance and timing. Timing was everything in this, one mess up and you're stuck on the ground with a broken leg.
I backed away a little bit, keeping close to the library wall, and then ran. I lept at the other building's wall, positioning myself so that when I hit it I could easily turn and jump at the dumpster when my foot made contact. A shit eating grin broke out on my face when I felt my feet make contact with the dumpster, but I didn't dare to stop or kill any momentum to rival in my victory. I kept back at the wall, higher than last time and repeated this course of action until I was standing on the library's sloping roof.
I glanced around the area and then crouched down and started climbing over to a nearby window. I kept low enough not to draw attention to myself, but still allowed me to make good time and keep a decent center of gravity. I couldn't suppress the shiver that sneaked its way up my spine. It had begun drizzling outside, the wind was picking up along with it. The coldness of it all bit at my skin, giving me extra motivation to move faster.
There were small knobs on the window, more for decoration than any form of practicality since there wasn't a balcony to allow for anyone to use the window from the outside, legally that is. I pulled a little on one of the knobs with my right hand, using the left to keep balance. There was a small spark of triumph in my chest when the window opened with little resistance. Slipping through the window, I was pleasantly surprised to find my feet landing on something plush much sooner than I had anticipated them to. There was a little window seat. I had always thought that these little book nooks were interesting, like your own little world.
I closed the window quietly and listened once more to the area around me. I was met with the beautiful sound of silence, the only proof that anything was living in here was the faint sounds of my own breath. The very same breath that I almost lost when I turned around to look at the surroundings.
While the first floor of the library has always seemed a little unremarkable to me the few times that I had ventured in here, the second floor was anything but. It was not easily seen when you were on the first floor, so not many people actually ventured up here. That and most of the books here were college type or just of the classical type. Below were all the modern books that people seem to seek out. But up here... Gods this place was beautiful.
Long tables were in the center of the area, each having some old type of lamp on them. Each lamp held images of stars. When I pulled one of the strings, the whole room was lit up in stars. The books shelves that otherwise filled the room were beautifully crafted, each having some type of fancy plaque on them, indicating what the shelves held. The second floor was like a reward to your curiosity.
It was all truly so breathtaking. And yet... a cruel part of me that I had never truly met before, wanted to destroy it all. That part of me wanted to see the places torn apart or in flames so that someone else might feel as horrible as I should inside. So something else might share in my ugliness. The numbness didn't leave. Not really. Small sparks of dull emotion seemed to break through, but even though I seemed to be able to identify it and react to it, these emotions were like white noise. I wanted someone else to share my numbness, to not be alone in it.
The rest of me was caught in the irony of this situation. All of these books might as well have been in French when you were a dyslexic demigod. The thought of sitting here was a pleasant one, but actually trying to read one of these books was a particularly cruel form of torture.
Still, I couldn't help but stumble over to the nearest book shelf. I found myself running my hand along the spines of the books, letting my mind wander as I did. I couldn't help but wonder at my inane ability to lose anything that I seemed to value. I went through six schools in six years, my mother was dead, my brother left me to live with my father that isn't even allowed to speak to me, I gave up my first real friends so that the prophecy could go smoother without me there to muck it up, hell even the prophecy that I never wanted was taken from me. It seemed the second that I obtained anything of any value, the faiths deemed it necessary to painfully strip it away from me.
My eyes caught at the title of the next section, languages. Being a demigod, my brain was naturally wired for Ancient Greek, and while I doubted that there would be any translating to or from the language, modern Greek might still be an option.
After searching the stacks for a good ten minutes, i found a book translate and teaching Japanese form modern Greek. It was a strange book to find in the United states, but if I had to guess it probably was a donation of sorts or something. Still, it was one of the only book in the library with any form of Greek, so I grabbed it. I skimmed through the Greek portions of the book. It took me longer to read it than Ancient Greek, but I could still somehow read it faster than english. The paragraph was saying something about the honorifics that the Japanese used. It was an interesting enough topic. Book in hand, I made my way back to the window that I had originally crawled through. There was better lighting here than in the library, since I didn't want to run the risk of turning on the lights.
I don't think I'll ever be sure how long I just sat there reading. It was certainly the longest that I have ever sat still in my life. It was like my ADHD decided to take a break today and just let me be for just a small amount of time. My brain and body were too tired from a[ll the events of the past few days to be able to ganer the energy needed to distract me for once.
Strangely enough, reading Japanese wasn't any harder for me than it would be for anyone else attempting to learn the language. The characters didn't seem to switch around like the anglo saxon ones have always done. It was refreshing to say the least.
I took off my back pack and slipped the book inside of it. Sunrise seemed to be coming soon as the sky slowly became lighter and the street light slowly shut off one by one. I needed to get out of here before the libraine came into work and I had to explain my breaking and entering to them. Yeah, that did not sound like my kind of Friday morning.
I glanced around the room and found an old wooden ladder, accompanied by an almost unnoticeable hatch above it that opens outwards up to the roof. Pulling out Riptide from my pocket, I popped of the blue cap and stepped up onto the ladder. Once the sword had transformed into it's full length, I used it to push the hatch open all the way. Morning mist drifted through the air, joining last night's drizzle on the job of making the ground slightly slippery. The roof had short brick walls bordering it, making it into something of a small patio.
Groggily from the lack of sleep, I stumbled over to one of the darker corners of the roof and plopped down. My body seemed to have just enough energy left to pull out my jacket from my book bag, ball it up into something usable as a pillow before everything just shut off. I laid my head on my makeshift pillow, I don't even remember thinking to close my eyes before everything just went dark.
For the first time in a long time, I did not have a single dream that night.