I stood frozen, gripping my phone tightly, my thoughts spiraling. Ran had been frustrating, impulsive, and overbearing at times, but he'd also been kind in his own awkward way. The way he stepped into my life—no, barged in—was overwhelming, yes, but it had lifted some of the burdens I'd been carrying alone for so long.
Am I really pushing him away this much?
I let out a shaky breath, my fingers running through my hair. Deep down, I knew Ran's heart was in the right place, even if his actions sometimes felt like too much. But the truth was, I didn't want to lose him—not like this.
The silence in the house felt suffocating, the weight of my own indecision pressing down on me. I thought of Mali asking why Ran didn't come around anymore, of Mae's laughter when Ran made her smile. He wasn't just some temporary figure in my life. He'd left a mark, on all of us.
I grabbed my jacket, slipping it on as I made my way to the door. If I don't do something now, I might never get the chance to fix this.
The night air was cool as I stepped outside, my phone clutched tightly in my hand. My heart pounded with every step as I made my way to the Tharaporn estate.
The walk to the Tharaporn estate felt endless, each step echoing with the thoughts I couldn't shake. What if he didn't want to see me? What if I was too late to fix things? The quiet streets only made the weight of my doubts heavier, but I kept moving. This is the right thing to do. It has to be.
By the time I reached the estate's towering gate, my palms were slick with sweat despite the cool night air. I hesitated for a moment before pressing the intercom button.
There was a crackle of static before a familiar voice came through. "Who is it?"
"It's Nat," I said, my voice steady but soft.
A pause. "What are you doing here?" P'Sang's tone was as cold as ever, but I could hear the faint hint of surprise in his words.
"I need to see Ran," I replied firmly.
Another long silence. Then, with a mechanical hum, the gate creaked open.
I stepped onto the estate grounds, the path to the mansion lit dimly by soft garden lights. P'Sang was waiting for me near the entrance, arms crossed and expression unreadable.
"He's in his studio," P'Sang said, jerking his head toward the side of the house. "Don't make him regret letting you in."
I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat as I made my way to the small building that housed Ran's studio. The soft glow of light seeped through the window, and as I got closer, I could hear the faint sound of music playing—a melancholic tune that mirrored the mood hanging over me.
Taking a deep breath, I knocked lightly on the door.
"Go away, P'Sang," Ran's muffled voice came from inside, tired and strained.
"It's not P'Sang," I called back, my voice trembling slightly.
There was a pause, followed by the sound of hurried footsteps. The door creaked open, and Ran stood there, his eyes wide with surprise and red-rimmed as if he'd been crying.
"Nat?" he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
I took a step forward, meeting his gaze. "Can we talk?"
He left the door slightly open and walked away wiping his eyes I hesitated for a moment before stepping inside, closing the door gently behind me. The studio was cluttered with half-finished paintings, scattered sketches, and jars of brushes soaking in murky water. The air smelled faintly of turpentine and lavender, a strange but oddly comforting mix.
Ran stood near an easel, his back to me as he wiped his face with the sleeve of his sweater. He didn't say anything, just stared at the blank canvas in front of him.
I cleared my throat. "Ran…"
He turned slightly, his expression guarded but his eyes still glistening. "What are you doing here, Nat? I thought you wanted me to stay away."
"I thought I did too," I admitted, my voice soft. "But I've been thinking a lot… about everything."
Ran let out a shaky laugh, bitter and hollow. "And? Did you decide I'm too much trouble?"
"No," I said firmly, taking a step closer. "I decided that I don't want you to disappear from my life."
He froze, his shoulders tensing. "You don't mean that."
"I do," I insisted. "I know I pushed you away, and I wasn't fair to you. You overwhelmed me, Ran. You came into my life like a storm, and I didn't know how to handle it. But… you also made things better. For me, for Mae, for Mali. I didn't realize how much until you were gone."
Ran turned to face me fully now, his eyes searching mine for any hint of insincerity. "You're not just saying this because you feel guilty, are you?"
"No," I said, stepping even closer. "I'm saying it because I care about you. And because I think we both deserve a chance to figure this out."
The silence between us was heavy, but not uncomfortable. Ran looked down, his hands trembling slightly. "I didn't think you'd come back," he admitted, his voice barely audible. "I thought I ruined everything."
"You didn't," I said softly. "It was also my fault for not talking to you nicely, I let out all my anger on you and I shouldn't have done that."
Ran's lips twitched into the faintest of smiles, though his eyes were still wet. He suddenly hugged me and buried his face in my chest, "I'll never make you angry again," he muttered
I froze for a moment, startled by the sudden embrace. His grip was tight, almost desperate, as if letting go would shatter the fragile truce between us. Slowly, I lifted my arms and returned the hug, my hands resting awkwardly on his back at first. But as his trembling eased, so did my hesitation.
"You don't have to promise that," I said softly, my chin lightly brushing his hair. "We're going to argue sometimes, Ran. It's normal. What matters is that we work through it together."
He pulled back slightly, just enough to look up at me, his cheeks flushed but his eyes more hopeful than I'd seen them in days. "You mean it? You're not just saying that to make me feel better?"
"I mean it," I replied firmly. "But I need you to meet me halfway. No more barging into my life without warning, okay? I need you to respect my space when I ask for it."
He nodded quickly, his expression serious. "I will. I promise, Nat. I'll listen to you, and I'll try to do better."
I gave him a small smile, my hands resting on his shoulders. "That's all I ask."
For a moment, we just stood there, the closeness between us feeling both unfamiliar and comforting. Ran wiped his face with the sleeve of his sweater again, a faint smile lingering as he let out a deep breath.
"Are you hungry?" he asked suddenly, his tone lighter but still tentative. "I might've made too much pasta earlier."
I chuckled softly. "You? Cooking? Now I'm curious."
He grinned, a hint of his usual confidence returning. "I'll have you know I'm a decent cook when I put my mind to it. Come on, I'll prove it."
As he led me toward the small kitchen, I couldn't help but feel a cautious optimism growing in my chest. It wasn't perfect, and we still had a lot to figure out, but for the first time, it felt like we were on the right path—together.
—————————
At Dr. Hans hospital in her office Niran's POV:
"Everything looks good, but you may go in heat in a week or two." She said. "But it might come a little bit earlier, so I'm going to give you these just in case." She added giving
suppressant.
I looked down at the medicine and couldn't help but sigh, I thought everything was going to be over once I got my pheromones stable again. So why would I need to take
suppressants that I've never had since I got my second gender.
"Can't you just give me the shot that stops all of this." I asked. "That shot won't do good for you Ran, if you start blocking out your heat with severe medication that could do a lot of damage to your body."
"Especially for a omega like you." She stated.
"So what do you want me to do?" I asked,
"Once you start your heat find a trustworthy Alpha to spend it with, because I'm not sure if these suppressant are going to help you for long this time." She explained.
"Do you want me to have sex with some nasty Alpha?!"
"It's human nature Ran, it doesn't have to be any alpha it could also be Nattawut."
I froze, my grip tightening on the suppressants in my hand. "Nat? Are you serious right now?" I demanded, my voice rising in disbelief.
Dr. Hans met my glare with an unflinching calm. "Yes, Ran. He's an Alpha you already trust, and trust is crucial during heat. If you don't want to take this step with a stranger, it's a logical option."
I shook my head, pacing the room in frustration. "You don't understand. Nat and I—he's not like that! We're barely figuring things out as it is. This would… it would ruin everything."
"Or," she said softly, "it could strengthen what's already there. I'm not telling you what to do, Ran. I'm giving you advice based on what I know about you and your situation. Your body is telling you what it needs, and ignoring it won't make it go away."
I stopped pacing and leaned heavily on her desk, my mind spinning. The idea of being so vulnerable with Nat terrified me. What if he thought I was using him? What if it pushed him even further away?
"Ran," Dr. Hans said, her voice gentler now, "you've been through a lot. I know you're strong, but you're also allowed to lean on others when you need to. Think about what you want—not just for your body, but for your heart."
Her words hit something deep inside me, stirring emotions I wasn't ready to face. I straightened up, clutching the suppressants like a lifeline.
"I'll figure it out," I mumbled, avoiding her gaze.
Dr. Hans nodded, a knowing look in her eyes. "You always do, Ran. But don't wait too long. Your body won't."
As I walked out of her office, her words echoed in my mind. Could I really trust Nat with something so personal? And even if I did… would he even want to help?
TBC