Instead, she just… accepted it.
Fang Quan's heart cracked. He couldn't understand it. He couldn't understand how she could look at him—the man who had taken away the love of her life—and not want to tear him apart. How could she show him so much grief and still have the strength to speak so calmly?
"She didn't deserve me, he was a egoist…a narcissist" Riko continued, her voice trembling. "But Jin loved me. He chose to fight. And I… I can't hate you for that , Fang Quan. Not when I know that you didn't mean it."
Fang Quan shook his head in disbelief. "But I killed him. I am the reason he's gone. How can you not hate me? You should hate me! How can you just… accept this?"
Riko walked closer, her eyes never leaving his. "Because I loved him, and because soldiers die in battle Fang Quan. He knew the risks. He made his choice. I also made my choice and now I must live with it ."
Tears stung the corners of Fang's eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He couldn't. Not when Riko had already suffered so much. He had no right to weep. He had no right to feel anything but the weight of his own regret.
Riko reached out, her hand gentle as it brushed against his arm. "I don't hate you, Fang Quan. But you have to carry this. You have to carry the weight of what you did. And I hope you learn, because if you don't… Jin would have died for nothing."
Fang nodded, his voice barely a whisper. "I will. I promise."
As Riko smiled and turned to walk away, leaving him standing there, the words felt hollow. He hadn't known Jin as well as he should have. He hadn't understood the life that he had lived, the sacrifices he'd made. And now, he was left to bear the consequences alone.
"Riko where are you headed now?"
She paused and smiled "I'll just roam, goodluck with the revolution. I hope we rats will be able to coexist with humans.."
Ren sighed he didn't care if the rats and humans coexisted, he just wanted his fellow brothers and sisters to live in peace.
"Hey Fang Quan.." Riko smiled waving her hand "Ja mata ne!"
The words "See you later" rang loudly in Fang Quan's head, all he could see was Riko's smile which made his heart break even more.
The rest of her words still lingered in his mind: Soldiers die in battle. The truth of it hitting him hard, and for the first time since his awakening in Erutrus, Fang Quan understood.
In this world, in this life, no one was truly safe. Soldiers died. People died. And sometimes, the ones left behind were the ones who had to live with it.
He was alive, and now he had to learn to live with it.
Fang Quan stood there, still and unmoving, as Riko's footsteps faded away into the silence. His body felt like a stone—heavy, unfeeling—but inside, everything was in chaos. The words she had spoken to him, her calm acceptance of Jin's death, echoed in his mind like a drumbeat, but it couldn't drown out the suffocating weight of what he had done.
The room around him was blurry. He didn't know how long he'd been standing there, but the silence was unbearable. His breath came in shallow, ragged gasps, and his heart pounded so loudly that it threatened to break through his chest.
He was supposed to be a slacker. That was the role he had given himself—coasting through life, never committing, never caring about anything too deeply. It was easier that way. No stakes, no responsibility. Just do enough to get by, to avoid confrontation, to avoid feeling too much.
But now…
Now there was someone's blood on his hands.
Fang Quan knees buckled, and he collapsed onto the floor with a muffled sob. The tears came then, without warning, breaking free from the dam he had spent years building. He had thought he could live his life without really being part of anything. He had thought that if he just stayed distant enough, if he just kept skating through, he wouldn't hurt anyone, he wouldn't leave a mark on the world.
But now Jin was dead. Gone. And it was his fault. Just like his family, his carelessness had taken their lives and now it had also taken Jin's.
He could already see it—the images, the blast tearing through the air, the way it had knocked everyone off their feet. And Jin… Jin didn't stand a chance.
Fang's shoulders trembled as he let out another choked sob, his hands gripping the floor beneath him. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't stop shaking. For the second time in his life, he felt everything again. Every regret. Every mistake. Every part of his old life that had been a lie.
He had been so careless, so lazy, so intent on avoiding anything that might make him feel alive, that now he had destroyed someone's future, someone's happiness, and he wasn't sure how to live with that.
"I didn't mean it," he whispered through his tears, as if the words could somehow make a difference. As if they could undo the damage he had done. But deep down, he knew. They wouldn't.
Nothing could.
Fang slammed his fist against the floor, but it did nothing to ease the storm inside of him. He had failed. He had failed in the worst way possible. He had been given a second chance at life, a second chance to be better than the person he once was, and he had ruined it.
Ruined everything.
The guilt was suffocating, smothering him, and Fang Quan couldn't escape it. He had no idea what to do, where to go, how to make any of this right. The tears blurred his vision, but he didn't care. It felt like the only thing he could do, the only release for the overwhelming grief that had taken root in his chest.
He heard footsteps approaching, but he couldn't bring himself to look up. He didn't want anyone to see him like this, weak and broken. But it was Ren. Of course it was Ren.
"You have to get up," Ren said, his voice distant, flat, as if he had expected this. "You can't stay like this forever."
"I killed him," Fang choked out, his voice raw. "I killed Jin. I—"
"I know." Ren's voice was steady, but there was an edge to it, something darker underneath. "But wallowing in your guilt won't change anything. Jin is dead, and you're still alive. You have to deal with that. You just have to live with that, Fang Quan."
Fang Quan looked up then, his eyes red from crying. Ren stood a few feet away, his arms crossed, his expression unreadable. But there was something in his eyes—something that hinted at understanding, at a cold truth that Fang Quan wasn't ready to face.
"You think I don't know what this feels like?" Ren said, his voice suddenly low and raw. "I've lost people too, Fang. And I've had to live with it. You don't get to just collapse and quit because it's hard. You face it. You face what you did, and you keep going. You make sure Jin didn't die for nothing."
Fang's breath hitched in his throat. "How do you keep going, then?" he whispered, the pain in his chest too much to bear. "How do you keep living with something like this?"