A knock on the door came unexpectedly.
"Good evening, sir! May I ask you something?"
"Merciful Merlin, not you again!" Snape exhaled in relief. Potter had mysteriously been absent from the train, hadn't arrived on the Knight Bus either, and it was only later discovered that, unable to access the platform, the boy had taken a Muggle train, hitchhiked, and then walked from Hogsmeade. The cause of the disruption was yet to be determined, but at least Potter was alive and well. "What do you want now? You'll have me going gray at this rate…"
"What's this?" Potter thrust a notebook onto the professor's desk.
"Where did you get that?" Snape managed after a few minutes, and immediately received a detailed explanation of how the notebook was retrieved from Ginny Weasley's textbook, complete with justifications.
"Potter, did you do anything to it?"
"I wrote a rude word in it," he admitted sheepishly, lowering his head.
Snape noted that the glasses now had plain, non-prescription lenses, which oddly pleased him. However, his irritation quickly returned.
"And then?"
"It answered back with 'takes one to know one,' and I thought it best to show it to you so you could decide what to do with it," Potter said honestly.
"You're lucky…" Snape pinched the bridge of his nose. "Now get out of my sight. Crawling under the table is something you seem to excel at!"
"One moment…"
Meanwhile, Snape approached the fireplace.
"Lucius, my friend, could I have a moment?" he called.
"What's the matter?" came the immediate reply.
"That's what I want to ask you! What is this?!" Snape roared, shaking the notebook. "Have you lost your mind, Lucius?! Dark magical artifacts in the school? What possessed you to give it to that fool girl?!"
The handsome face of Malfoy twisted in fear within the flames.
"Uh… where did you get it?"
"I confiscated it!" Snape thundered. "Did you think the school's protections wouldn't detect it? Lucius, stop stalling and tell me what you were planning!"
Huddled under the desk, Harry understood little of the heated exchange between Snape and Malfoy, but it became clear that the notebook had been planted on Ginny Weasley deliberately. When he was finally allowed to come out, he dared to ask,
"So, what will you do with it now, sir?"
"For now, nothing," Snape said grimly. "Go back to your dormitory. And…"
Harry turned back.
"Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Potter," Snape said quietly.
"Oh, don't mention it, sir! May I ask something?"
"Well?"
"Why couldn't I get through the platform? Everyone else made it, but I got a lump on my head…" Harry touched his forehead. "Like I needed another scar! I didn't even try again; I figured I'd find another way."
"I don't know," Snape admitted. "Did anything else strange happen, Potter?"
"Well, actually, yes," Harry said eagerly. "Uncle Vernon invited some important business partner over, and Dudley and I were kicked outside to stay out of the way. Naturally, I went to Terry's house to watch TV — Mrs. Higgs can vouch for that; she kept bringing us sandwiches and juice. I don't know where Dudley was, probably messing around with his gang. Anyway, somehow a cake either exploded or fell on the partner. The whole street heard the commotion! But I wasn't even nearby," he repeated. "My uncle and aunt didn't blame me, but I did have to scrub the carpet, so there's that…"
"And how did it all end?"
"Oh, nothing much… They cleaned up the guests, scolded the caterer, and signed some papers. I didn't really follow what Uncle needed," Potter shrugged. "Though Aunt Petunia did say that if she saw that 'creature' again, I'd regret it!"
"What creature?"
"Big eyes like this! Ears like that!" Harry gestured. "And wearing some rag like an old pillowcase."
"A house-elf?" Snape came alive. "How would one end up there?"
"How would I know, sir?" Harry shrugged. "But that thing was trying to set me up! And what are house-elves?"
"Don't use that language in my office," Snape said automatically. "House-elves are magical servants; read about them. Noble families have plenty, and the school employs a good number as well. Otherwise, who would clean up after you all?"
"Then what's Filch for?" Harry asked brightly.
"I don't have enough glassware for him to scrub," Snape replied darkly. "And some students benefit from scrubbing floors by hand!"
"Oh, I figured as much," Harry said and was about to dash off but stopped mid-step. "Sir! As soon as I arrived, I wrote to the goblins. They've already replied…"
"What did you write to them?"
"Here's a copy," Potter handed him a piece of notebook paper. "But you weren't mentioned! And neither was I, by the way. They're pretty cool guys and got really interested in Mr. Higgs, even though he's a Muggle!"
"Oh, great Merlin…"
"What? Good specialists are always in demand. So…" Harry sighed. "I gave them Mr. Higgs's address; they can sort it out themselves. Sir, are you feeling alright, sir?"
*
«Hi, Apple Moth!
I was right—this notebook is an incredible atrocity. You-know-who's face changed drastically when they saw it. Though they still didn't explain what it is or why Peacock gave it to Red, the two of them had quite the shouting match!
I think I've sorted things out with our toothy friends, but I had to rat out your dad. So, don't be startled by an invasion of owls, ha-ha! Maybe they'll come up with something less conspicuous. You did say your father would be fascinated by their system... You-know-who almost missed their chair when they heard about it, but I had to warn them to avoid getting busted!
I can't wait for the headmaster to try sticking his greedy little hands into my treasure trove. Too bad I didn't include traps...
Oh, and guess what? There are elves here—not Tolkien's kind, but little scary ones. One tried to stop me from boarding the platform. Later, it came back whining about something, so I gave it a good kick!
P.S. Here are some first-year photos—check out the girls.
*
«Hi, Lemon Eater!
You deserve to be murdered for your stunts! When Dad got the first owl-delivered letter, he nearly had a heart attack, and Mom outright fainted. I had to tell them some of it, help them adjust, and now the letters come by regular mail. Weirdly, they just appear in the box—no stamps or postmarks. Well, it's magic! Dad's thrilled, sketching all kinds of diagrams and filling stacks of paper… It seems he's found his calling. If this benefits you, I'm all for it. Let me know when the headmaster makes a move; I'm curious too!
About the notebook—better stay out of it. Feels like last year, remember when they tried to shove you into something, and you wouldn't budge? Maybe Red was supposed to provoke you… Just ignore it.
As for the elf… Lemon Eater, couldn't you at least ask what it wanted before kicking it?
P.S. Looked at the photos. So Red's out right away… But who's the blonde with the dreamy look and strange beads?»
*
«Hi, Apple Moth!
Sorry, but I had no other choice. Since your dad's happy, I'm glad! By the way, our toothy friends increased my monthly payout by half again. I suspect that's thanks to your dad—big thanks to him! The money will come in handy. There's nothing to spend it on here, but better to have it just in case.
Speaking of, I've realized that when the headmaster finds out about my adventures, sending an owl will be out of the question! Asking you-know-who isn't an option either. Once or twice might work, but they'd catch on. Could you ask your dad to find out how his employers contact him and if I can use the same method? Poorly worded, but you get me, right?
I'm not getting involved in anything dangerous—life's too precious.
Caught the house-elf. Or rather, called the local ones and asked if there were any outsiders. They found it immediately and dragged it to me by its ears. It hasn't confessed why it was sabotaging me, but the elders promised to get to the bottom of it.
P.S. Never Red!!! She looks at me like Elvis or Beatles fans—ready to tear me apart for souvenirs. The blonde's name is Luna, she's in Ravenclaw. Everyone thinks she's crazy because she spouts nonsense, has no friends, and wanders around at night—even the cat doesn't spot her. But she's a top student! Her dad publishes a magazine like those tabloids about UFOs and aliens, so I think they're just trolling. Even if not, she's never boring… Sounds good?»
*
«Hi, Lemon Eater!
You're right—it was Dad. He suggested some clever scheme with a triple currency exchange. I don't fully get it yet but caught that it boosted capital turnover, which is good.
About the letters: there are issues. Dad's employers can write to him easily, but correspondence to Hogwarts would be flagged. I could send letters under a different name, but do you trust anyone there to pass them to you? Besides you-know-who, who's out for obvious reasons?
I never doubted you—catch the spy!
P.S. Grab the blonde. Looks like you two are a match.»
*
«Hi, Apple Moth!
Your dad is awesome! Give him my heartfelt thanks!
Made a move on the blonde. She's not crazy at all. Just thinks so uniquely… sometimes my brain can't keep up. It even feels like she reads minds—she said my glasses suit me but are unnecessary. How does she know that? Another point in her favor: you-know-who hasn't snapped at her once and treats her almost like Junior Peacock—which is huge.
Long story short, my dear friend, I've got the girl! Best part? She doesn't care how I look.
The spy's an idiot, and get this—it's Peacock's house-elf! Can you believe it? I've reassigned it to the head chef, so it's harmless now and even useful evidence. Still had to kick it a few times, though…
P.S. Send some Coke bottle caps—Luna makes necklaces out of them.
P.P.S. Check out this magazine her dad publishes.»
*
Hi, Lemon Eater!
Passed your thanks to Dad, who says he's never dealt with such a mind-blowing system before and loves it. By the way, our toothy friends offered him a permanent position, which sounds impressive. He's hesitating, though—he's a deputy manager now, and switching to the unknown at his age is risky. Still, I think he'll take the plunge—he's a bit of an adventurer!
Lemon Eater, isn't it risky to keep that creature so close?
P.S. Don't let go of that girl—she's a keeper. Maybe gently hint for her to avoid drawing attention to you in public? I've sent all the caps I had. I can add wires or strings if she wants to make bracelets too.
P.P.S. The magazine is hilarious! Mom laughed so hard Dad had to give her water. "Wrackspurts," seriously? If you can, send more!»
*
«Hi, Apple Moth!
If your dad's an adventurer, he's perfect for our toothy friends! Retirement's coming soon anyway. They don't care about age or magic. Can't cast spells? No problem—they'll give him an assistant! At least it's interesting work.
Luna gets it all. She doesn't gossip, interfere when I'm busy, or ask where I've been or what I'm thinking. I didn't think girls like her existed! Compare her to Lackwit—she's a walking disaster!
The spy's scrubbing pots and pans. The local elves already disciplined it. As for why it sabotaged me, I'll think about it—it can't say due to magic, of course. Maybe its master ordered it, but why?
P.S. Sent wires and strings along with more caps. She liked the idea. And guess what? She's the only one (besides Hagrid) who likes my postcards!
P.P.S. Sent all the magazines I had. Ask your dad to subscribe through his employers!»