'I wonder if Mom and Dad found peace in the end, or if they're just Willowthewisp that haunts the woods and marshes.' Jovana thought, and as sadness formed inside, tightening its grip on her heart, Jovana looked at the light around her with very different eyes. She saw her brother, and saw one of the palace maidens nearly dragging him to dance with her.
"Come on, Elijah, why do you make me beg for a dance every time?" Barbara said,
"You know me, Barbara, I don't mix well with music. I—" Elijah trailed off.
"Oh, come on! Just one dance." Barbara insisted, and Elijah sighed as he gave in to her.
"Fine, one dance." Elijah said, and took Barbara's hands as they went to the center of the garden while Jovana watched her brother with sad eyes. She knew how much every single bone in his body would torment him with pain. A burning hot tear spilled from her eye, searing along her cheek. Jovana knew that many others would follow and thus, she took an isolated path and ran away towards the heart of the garden, crying her eyes out.
When she knew she was far from the lights and the music, she let herself fall on the grass and let everything out. 'Mom and Dad….and now Eli… And I'm here all dancing and smiling when I should be in the lab.' Jovana thought with clenched teeth, as she grabbed at the grass and pulled it out off the ground, sobbing in regret and frustration. 'I will end up alone and miserable and everybody I cared about will be gone. How is that fair? What did I do?' Jovana said in her mind. She was too exhausted to cry, and she rolled on her back, rubbing her eyes and watching the stars.
They looked cold and distant, the cruel, silent mastermind of her misery. Jovana glared at the star, and yelled, "You are taking everything from me…. When will you stop? When will it be enough?"
"It's never enough." Someone said, and the answer made Jovana jump. That's not what she was expecting, but she could recognize the coarse, deep tone of the voice. The voice continued, "Maybe it's just me, but I have always had the feeling that the more I give, the more that God wants from me." Caspian stepped out from the darkness and looked at the stars as well.
Jovana was too surprised and upset to ask herself what he was doing there with her. She tried to pull herself together when Caspian sat on the grass next to her. "But how can I change this? How can I stop it?" Jovana murmured, and Caspian turned to look at her face. Her eyes were red, and her eyeshadow had stained her face, her cheeks were etched with dry tears. She was completely different from the Jovana he had met in the ball, and in the palace garden earlier. Her eyes were filled with pain and sadness, and she looked so vulnerable.
Caspian suddenly had the urge to comfort her, and bring a smile to her face. He didn't like to see her like this, weak and vulnerable. "It can't be stopped. It would be easier to stop the rain from falling, or the wind from blowing," he said.
Jovana craned her head to look up at Caspian with her turquoise eyes, and she mumbled, "So, it doesn't matter what I do, there will never be hope?"
Caspian felt himself getting lost in her eyes, and he glanced away from her and looked up at the star as he answered, "Well, I wouldn't say that. There is a decree for the greed of the universe, you know?"
"A decree?" Jovana repeated, looking curiously at Caspian.
"Yes. Balance has to be maintained in one form or another. So, for everything that is taken away, something can be received in return," Caspian said, and Jovana shook her head with a sad smile.
"That was never the case for me. I just get squeezed and drained, drop after drop…until all is left is an empty shell." Jovana whispered, feeling utterly helpless and lonely. Suddenly, the cold loneliness that was wrapping around her heart was pierced by the warm hand of the Duke on her arm.
"I know that sometimes it feels that way. The time of the universe isn't fair, but it's inevitable, things will change. And it's up to us to decide if they're going to change for the better or for the worse." The Duke said, and Jovana's eyes searched his. His eyes were full of secrets and forbidden knowledge but also full of unshakable determination.
'All this warmth, strength, and self-determination.' Jovana mused silently, as her eyes locked on the Duke's. It was all the things she had missed in her life for so long, and that she was desperate to get back. And before she knew it, she leaned forward, and her lips grazed the Duke's lip.
Her heart started rushing like a galloping horse, but Jovana didn't care. She doesn't care about anything anymore. Her mouth, and his mouth, and that enveloping feeling that told her body to open up and dare was all she cared about. She was always so hesitant, always so worried, always the spectator behind the curtain….but not tonight. Tonight Jovana tested the stage for the first time, and she wouldn't back off from her desires.
Jovana clung to the Duke and pushed her lips against his hard, as if she needed that kiss to breathe. Caspian held her in his arms, kissing her back. Every touch of his hands felt like fire through her clothes.
"Stop." Caspian said, his voice a little more than a whisper. Jovana could see the concern underlined in his tone and in the bottom of his beautiful eyes. "I know what you're looking for, Jovana and it isn't me. I'm not a caring man. I'm not made to court a girl, to make her feel special. And I'm not made for tenderness and affection. And most certainly I'm not made for marriage."
"But–"
"You are special, Jovana. Very special. And not even a man like me can take the honor you cherish with such devotion by taking advantage of a moment of weakness." The Duke said, as he cut Jovana's words off. And as he looked at her, Jovana could feel the sorrow and conflict inside him. She could feel how much he wanted her.
All the restraint and shyness Jovana had always felt with the opposite sex melted away. She was feeling free for the first time in her life. And she looked at the Duke, and said boldly, "I don't think you know me at all. I don't care about getting married. And I don't care about purity and honor. I was just waiting for someone that didn't disgust me…and I finally met you." Jovana then curled her lips into a smirk, and remarked, "But if you don't want me,"
Halfway through her sentence, Caspian took Jovana's in his arms and kissed her with a burning passion that cut through her breath. As they kissed, Jovana could feel Caspian's growing excitement, his hunger for her. His hands boldly explored her body, his teeth, barely restrained, dug softly in her lower lip. "I've never met a girl like you." He whispered, making Jovana melt in his hands, as she gave him full control.
The Duke kept kissing her, first along her jawline, then down her neck. Jovana tilted her head back and sunk her fingers in his hair. It was so thick and soft. So perfect. So good. He started to undress her, making impressively quick work of all the laces and buttons. When Jovana finally feels his hands on the naked skin of her back, a shiver that felt like starlight trickled down her spine, making the most private recess of her her body quiver with expectation.
Caspian took off his jacket, and Jovana undid the buttons of his shirt one by one. The shirt came off, and her hands finally savored his body. His muscular, perfect body. Her clothes came off right after. It was just him, and her in the quiet of the night. She had never seen a pair of eyes desiring her more. It was like she was the only thing that existed in the whole universe.
His voice, soft and coarse like dark chocolate, was back in Jovana's ear. "I have craved this moment since the first time I saw you at the ball." Caspian husked, as he laid her on the grass, kissing her neck, her chest. Jovana's whole body shook when his tongue met her nipples. His left hand kept hold of her beautiful hair, like she belonged to him.
"I want you to do anything you want to me." Jovana whispered breathlessly.
"I will. But tonight…. Tonight, everything should be about you." His right hand touched and explored every inch of her skin, climbing down, and down, gently spreading her legs and letting her experience the first touch of a man.
"Mmm," Jovana moaned, as pleasure started dripping in her body like black ink in a clear glass of water. His fingers felt very light and delicate; he knew where to touch. It was like he was composing music using her senses, every touch resonates within her.