9:19 PM.
The moonlight expresses its silvery light, the deep shade of blue skies mixed with a thousand stars, their white light illuminating enchanting the scenery.
I settled myself upon the ground; within the room, no light could be seen, just myself and my constant overwhelming thoughts.
How do I love myself.
The first question that came to my mind, I didn't resent myself or loathe myself. It was just I couldn't love myself, I could not love myself as it wasn't an option for me to love myself.
As if there's a barrier preventing me from loving myself. A silent, invisible force, like an endless fog that kept me from reaching myself.
I lacked the ability to love myself, yet the ability to love others, than myself.
It was killing from within.
It was overwhelming; how could I love others when I couldn't for myself, a barrier preventing me from loving myself.
Even with someone I held close, I couldn't feel their warmth upon me; I merely reflected their own warmth, not mine. I only felt an emptiness within me, as their warmth couldn't reach me.
I tried finding my pieces in others. For a moment their laughter was like my own, their love filled the crack of my soul, a borrowed ecstasy that made me believe I could be whole.
I was a fool, it was a mere distraction. A temporary fix as the emptiness crept back upon me, sharper, hungrier, devouring what little I had left myself.
I was a mirror, reflecting their own warmth not mine.