It was already night when their laundry was done. And driving home to their apartment that night, wasn't ideally or maybe it was just Aiden not feeling up to it. He loved their bubble.
He loved the freedom that the house brought in their relationship. Philip didn't have to say it aloud but, Aiden could clearly feel how much lighter Philip had become in there. Like he could breathe in there or maybe it was him projecting.
"I think now is the time to go get food" Said Aiden to Philip who was busy smiling at the ceiling.
They were in their living room with Philip in a tshirt and Aiden in his pants, their back against the floor, just staring at the ceiling giggling from their stupidity.
"No! Not yet... I like this part the most" Said Philip biting his lip as he looked at Aiden before went in for a kiss, "Kissing you whenever I want to like this"
"Oh yeah. I like this part too" Said Aiden when their lips got parted.
"I know and to answer your question? I ain't going nowhere with you" Said Philip childishly with a bop to Aiden's nose.
"Looks like it's up to me now" Said Aiden raising up from the floor only to be held back by Philip.
"Anything to add to the list?" Asked Aiden taking his phone from the sofa.
"Thank you" Said Philip with a grateful smile. He had a lot to thank for but, he decided to keep it vague.
"For what?" Asked Aiden as he knelt down and took a peck from Philip. Aiden was scared, afraid of finding out. He was shaking up like a wet cat on a cold night.
Was it a good bye? He had a similar farewell with his mother and that shit still stings. He can't go through that shit once again. He wasn't ready. He wasn't strong enough to lose another love.
"For being here with me now, for always having my back and giving in to my whims" Said Philip a little coyly.
"If I have to say it aloud, then please let me show you how honoured I am to be here with you" Said Aiden as he bent down and kissed him so deep and so desperately that Philip begged for air.
"You are a God send, Aiden. I hope you'll someday believe that yourself" Said Philip caressing Aiden's cheek and neck lovingly.
Aiden didn't want it. He didn't want to feel striped his naked soul bare like that in front of Philip. He needed to be strong. He's supposed to be Philip's support! He wasn't ready or maybe he was and he just didn't know it.
"I'll be back in a moment" Said Aiden fumbling to get up like the air that left his lungs. He felt overwhelmed. His mask was slipping and he didn't want to share that part of himself just yet.
Or maybe Philip knew all about it in their two years together and he had nothing to worry. But, he was worried.
Tina used to say that only a person broken enough to heal can ask for help, whether or not it was a conscious call. So, maybe he did ask for help and now that he got Philip? He wished he had time to prepare.
Aiden knew he was worrying Philip by leaving like that but, what else can he do?. He didn't know how to stay in a place reminding him that he was a failure. He couldn't do it then and he wasn't about to do that at that moment.
But, then again he loved Philip. Too much that the walls he was building up was chopping off his heart. He needed him at the same time he didn't want to.
So, in a another language, he was running from someone who doesn't even know what he was doing to him. Or does he?
Philip was peeling his soul open like a child does to a banana. It wasn't a pretty sight, no methods, o remorse but, it was doing the trick.
His phone was getting off on the passenger seat and Aiden for the life in him couldn't get himself to pick up.
"Trouble in paradise, sugar?" Asked a lady from the counter getting him off his head. Barely.
"Hey... Uhm... I'm sorry. My head is everywhere tonight" Said Aiden, embarrassed.
"Sad and polite definitely my type" Said in a teasing tone but they both knew she meant it. And it didn't sit well with Aiden.
"Forgive her dear customer, how can we help you tonight?" Asked another lady and Aiden decided that she should be the nice lady.
"I need meat and vegetables. Lots of meat" Said Aiden trying so hard to get the writings off the menu.
"What kind?" Asked the rude lady but, Aiden decided to focus on the nice. That should at least be a right.
"What kind do you have?" Asked Aiden trying to control his emotions and thoughts.
"Beef and pork and the vegetables varies, should I make you a salad and just mix everything?" Asked the nice lady helpfully.
"That would be lovely and I'll take the pork for two" Replied Aiden feeling spontaneous.
"Gotta hot date?" Asked the nice lady interested and Aiden wasn't one to hide his love so, he smiled back at her sweetly.
"Too hot" Said Aiden with a chuckle. Turns out even the thought of him in that whirlwind makes him blush. And with that in went the nice lady leaving him with his trigger.
"You are not talking about the freak last night, are you?" Asked the rude lady, rolling her eyes at Aiden.
"Its not my place but I don't like that tone nor your use of words" Said Aiden brimming with anger but, he was terrifyingly calm about it.
"It's a fact, sugar. You chose the craziest of them all. You want to always play hero?" Asked the rude and with that? She wasn't rude, she just was blunt.
"I'm not really a violent type but, I want to hurt you right now" Said Aiden so, raw on his emotions that even it shook him how much anger he was containing inside.
It was happening just like that day, with him losing control of his emotions but, control wasn't the only thing that was lost there.
He lost a mother, family and his innocence and he didn't want the repeat of that so, he closed his eyes to keep the demons away just like his mother advised.
And he could hear his mother's call for help but, stopped when she saw him. Why did she smile at him like that, enduring and why would she pat his cheek like that when he was late and weak?
With everyone around him asking if he was alright and all he could muster was just the word fine, When it was never fine to see your loved one die in front of you. What did they expect? What did he expect from them?
"Here's your order, dear customer. Anything else to wrap up for you?" Asked the nice lady breaking off the tension of the room.
"No... Uhm, thank you" Said Aiden giving them the card before taking out cash and handed it to them instead.
"Sir, do you need a minute? Coz, I got the perfect place for you to be at" Suggested the nice lady worriedly when he saw the state Aiden was in.
"There's something like that in this part of town?" Laughed Aiden with no warning before feeling guilty about it.
"You'd be surprised what to get in this part of town" Said the nice lady with a smile showing her dimples, "Oh, and your partner. You can bring her too. We don't bite here"
"Thank you" Said Aiden walking to the door.
"Your money, dear sir" Called out the nice lady with a stack of cash. Well, it wasn't really a stack but, you get it.
"Keep it" Said Aiden walking out of there feeling crappy like how he did when he walked in.
Getting inside the car robotically, he paused and just stared at the road ahead. What was he doing with his life?
He ran away from home because, he wanted to breathe and just be broken in peace but, then there was Philip.
And although Philip never asked nor urged but, Aiden knew that Philip knew that he was broken and sad and self blaming and it was killing him to make Philip miserable and waiting.
He needed to stop running and just give Philip the courtesy that he was getting from him. Transparency.