When I was three years old, my father died from a heart attack. I remember that day like a blur. There were many faces around me, but I didn't understand what was happening. I remember him guiding me to dance the waltz, twirling me around while he laughed. Then, just like that, he was gone.
After that, the house felt quiet and strange. My mother was often sad, and I didn't know why. I would sit on the floor, hugging my stuffed bear tight, hoping my dad would just walk in and say hello. I looked at the picture on the wall where he smiled big, and I didn't understand why he couldn't be there to dance with me like before.
I have an older brother. He is ten years older than me and was the first baby my mom had with her first husband. He is lucky because he got to spend more time with our dad than I did. He has many more memories of our dad, while I only have a few. Sometimes, I feel a bit sad about that because I wish I could remember more of our time together. But I know my brother cares about me and shares stories about our dad, which helps me feel connected to him.
During elementary and high school, I was already living on my own at a young age. My mom worked a lot to support us, so she wasn't always home. My brother had to take care of himself too. It was hard for both of us.
One evening, Mom was actually home for once, and she sat with me while I was finishing my homework.
"Lyn, are you doing alright by yourself?" she asked, looking tired but still caring. "I know it's a lot."
I shrugged, trying to smile. "Yeah, Mom. I'm fine. I learned to cook a bit, and I keep things clean." I didn't want her to worry, but inside, I wasn't really okay.
She sighed and reached over to hold my hand. "I'm proud of you, Lyn. I just wish I could be around more. But I have to work to keep us going."
"I know, Mom," I said, squeezing her hand. "You're doing your best. And I'm okay… really."
Thank you, Mom, I thought to myself.
Saying that made me feel better. Even though it wasn't easy, I wanted her to know that I could handle it.
Even though things were hard at home, I had some good people around me who made me feel less alone. One of them was Jay Cane, a friend I met in high school. I remember the first time we really talked. I was in the cafeteria and noticed him standing by th e counter, looking hungry and a bit lost. He kept patting his pockets, like he was hoping some money would magically show up.
"Hey, you okay?" I asked.
"I forgot my money at home. I'm really hungry," he said, looking a bit worried.
I felt bad for him. "Do you want me to buy you something? I can share my lunch," I offered.
"Really? That would be great!" he replied.
I got him a sandwich and a drink. We sat together at a table while he ate. "Thanks! This is really good," he said with a smile.
"No problem! Just enjoy it," I said.
As we talked, I found out he was new to the school and didn't know many people. We shared some laughs and stories, and I liked having him around.
From that day, we became friends. We often ate lunch together, and even though he never paid me back for that first meal, it didn't bother me. It was just nice to have someone to hang out with.
I didn't realize, that living on my own so early would make me feel this way. I felt really low but didn't know why. I was lonely all the time, even when I was around people. I kept my feelings inside, but Jay noticed something was wrong.
One day, he sat next to me and asked, "Are you okay? You seem… different." His words surprised me. I tried to act like everything was fine, but he kept asking. Jay just knew when I wasn't myself, even if I couldn't explain it.
I sighed and said, "I don't know, Jay. I just feel sad a lot. Like, really sad." He nodded and looked serious, showing he cared. Talking to him felt good, even if I didn't have all the answers. Just having someone listen made me feel a little better.
After high school, Jay and I went to the same university. It was nice to have him there as we started this new chapter in our lives. Every day was an adventure. We walked around campus, went to classes, and had lunch together. Sometimes we studied in the library.
But even with Jay, I still felt sad. I tried to hide it and often felt lonely, even when I was with people. I smiled and laughed, but inside, I felt heavy. I didn't know why I felt this way, and I didn't want to make anyone feel bad with my problems. It was hard because I wished I could tell someone how I really felt.
One time, I was crossing the road, not really paying attention because my mind was all over the place. Out of nowhere, a car sped toward me, honking loud. I froze, not sure what to do.
Then someone grabbed my arm and pulled me back to the sidewalk. I felt shaken but thankful. That moment stuck with me, like he saw me when I didn't even see myself.
He looked at me, eyes wide. "Are you okay?"
I nodded, still catching my breath. "Yeah… I think so. Thanks. I wasn't watching where I was going."
He let go of my arm but kept looking at me. "Yeah, I noticed. You almost got hit! What were you so lost in thought about?"
I shrugged, feeling a little embarrassed. "I don't even know. Just… stuff."
He laughed. "Maybe don't think so hard near traffic."
I smiled. "I'll remember that. Thanks again… What's your name?"
"Alex," he said, offering his hand.
"I'm Lyn," I said, shaking it.
"Nice to meet you, Lyn," he said, grinning a bit. "Let's not meet like this again, though."
I laughed. "Yeah, I'll work on my road-crossing skills."
He shook his head, still smiling. "Please do. I don't want to be your personal lifeguard."
We both laughed, and for a moment, I felt a bit lighter, like some of my worries had drifted away.
Three days after almost getting hit by that car, I went to a nearby store to grab a few things. While I was looking around, I saw Alex in the snack aisle, picking up some chips. Not really in the mood to talk, I tried to sneak out quietly.
Just as I was about to leave, I heard him say, "Hey, Lyn!"
I froze, then turned around with an awkward smile. "Oh, hey, Alex… Didn't see you there."
He raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Didn't see me? Looked like you were trying to sneak off."
I laughed, feeling embarrassed. "Alright, you caught me. I didn't think you'd remember me."
He chuckled. "Hard to forget someone I almost had to save from a speeding car, you know?"
I laughed. "Yeah, sorry about that. Guess I owe you one." I tried to force a smile.
He shook his head, still smiling. "Nah, just remember to look both ways next time."
I grinned. "Lesson learned." I was still trying to smile, but it felt a little awkward.
After a few days, Alex and I started hanging out a lot. I found out he goes to the same college as me, just in a different course. He's ahead of me—he's graduating next year.
We'd see each other around campus, grab coffee, or just talk between classes. It felt nice to have someone new to talk to who understood college stuff.
One day, Alex and I were sitting outside the campus cafe when he grabbed my coffee and took a sip.
I looked at him, surprised. "Hey, that's mine!" I tried to sound disappointed.
He smiled. "It's just a sip. You weren't gonna drink it all anyway."
I laughed. "How do you know?"
He shrugged. "I guess I just know. Anyway, remember, you owe me for almost getting hit by that car."
I raised an eyebrow. I mean, he saved me, but does he really have to bring it up all the time? "So, stealing my coffee is your way of getting paid back?"
He laughed and handed it back. "Yeah, pretty much."
I shook my head, still laughing. "Alright, but next time, get your own." He was so cute when he laughed like that.
He changed the topic. "What are you doing after graduation?"
I shrugged. "I have no idea. It feels like everyone else has a plan, but not me." I sighed.
He laughed. "Trust me, you're not alone. I'm graduating next year and I still don't know what I'm doing."
I felt better. "Good to know I'm not the only one." He really knew the right words.
He got a little serious. "It's fine not to have a plan. Sometimes things just work out."
I nodded. "Hope you're right." I smiled at him.
He grinned. "Of course I'm right! I saved you from a car, remember?"
I rolled my eyes, laughing. "Alright, alright. Guess I owe you." Again, right?
He chuckled. "How about you buy me a coffee sometime, and we'll call it even?"
I smiled. "Deal." I think I'm falling for him because of that laugh.
Talking with Alex felt easy, like we'd been friends forever. It made me feel something I hadn't felt in a long time—something sweet, like how my dad used to make me feel. Wait… is that why I'm feeling this way? Am I seeing my dad in him? That thought made my heart ache. I didn't want to go there, not again.