Zacky winced at that. "No, he's not angry with you," he assured him quietly. "He had to take care of the guards downstairs. He'll be here in a few minutes."
The younger man's sigh of relief was so loud that Zacky could only shake his head, both stunned and surprised, by the amount of emotion that he was displaying. Xander had been raised in Harland's laboratory, treated more like a scientific specimen than a human being. His emotional responses had always been a bit. . .off. He had made great strides in the decade since they'd become friends, but he would probably never have the more normal responses that most people took for granted.
Which was why he had been so worried when he and Raphael had first become involved. They had been-and still were-polar opposites. Raphael as volatile as his red hair suggested, passionate and outspoken and stubborn beyond belief. Xander was polite, distant, his passions always firmly controlled. He was not as cold as he seemed, but neither was he an easy man to know. But once you did know him, he was very easy to love, although he could be a bit. . .autocratic when dealing with his mercurial lover.
And therein lied the problem, Zacky thought a bit sadly. Xander had never known love before them, and when Raphael had taken their relationship to the next level, he had fallen hard. Unfortunately, that love had brought out the more. . .dominant aspects of his personality. Xander definitely wore the pants in their 'household', and Raphael absolutely hated it.
Of course, Raphael wasn't the most emotionally stable person in the world. While he was witty and charming and well-educated, he was also spoiled and fractious. Quick to take offense, even when one wasn't meant, and slow to forgive any perceived insult. He was handsome and strong and had an inborn arrogance that both drew and repelled others, depending on their own temperaments. But inside, he was a seething mass of insecurities. He was always striving to improve himself, pushing himself to beyond his limitations, wanting nothing more than to be enough, never realizing that for those that loved him, he was. He hated taking second place to Xander in TANTARA-in anything-and his jealousy had added yet another unhealthy dimension to their relationship. Raphael had to come first, and woe to anyone who believed otherwise.
And Xander had never understood that. The professional jealousy he disregarded, as it was typical of most of the other TANTARAs, and-in his mind-completely unfounded. He knew that he was lauded as a hero throughout the world, but he had never seen himself as such. He was different, yes, but in his mind, he was just him, seven-foot sword and all.
They came upon the door to Xander's apartment, and Zacky sighed with heavy relief. "We're here, Xan. Just hang on." He steadied the taller man with one hand, fishing the keycard Xander had given him years ago to unlock the door. It slid open and he took his friend inside.
The apartment was dark, but he didn't bother to turn on any lights. Thanks to the Michael treatments every TANTARA underwent, he could see everything in stunning detail, and the light would only aggravate Xander's sensitive eyes. He was nearly carrying Xander as they entered the bedroom, the other man's short, shallow breaths indicating the amount of pain he was still in. Unfortunately, Xander was immune to most painkillers, so there wasn't much he could do.
Zacky crossed to the bed and very carefully lowered Xander to the mattress, bracing his back against the head board. "Here, drink this," he said, producing a Hi-Potion from his pack and helping the other man drink it. "It should help you regain some of your strength. I'm going to get you out of these clothes and take a look at that wound. Once it's clean, you can go to sleep. Okay?"
"Whatever you think is best, Zacky," came the unexpected, atypically docile response.
"Uh-huh." Zacky could only shake his head as he rose to his full height. "Be right back."
Xander didn't try to speak again, merely laid still and waited for Zacky to return. His bright green gaze found the open door, where a light now shone from somewhere in the apartment, and he found himself unable to look away as he waited for Raphael to join them. Zack had said he would, and Zack never lied. His pride demanded nothing less than absolute honesty, and he would rather die than betray his sense of honor.
And so he had, Xander remembered painfully. Unable to deal with the monster he believed he had become, he had chosen 'suicide by Zack', as the boy himself had once called it before bursting into tears. Xander also remembered standing motionless at the boy's side, unable to reach out or offer comfort, as his own heart had broken.
Things would be different this time, he swore to himself. If nothing else, he would make sure Zack never had to go through that again, even if he had to be the one to take Zack's life. He could only hope that he could find a way to change everything that had happened. He didn't think he would survive losing his friends-his family-a second time.