PATHOS:
Sadness, Piteousness, Poignancy.
Freedom! Is this you?
Am I finally being happy?
No more torture?
No more ill-treatment and starvation?
These thoughts crowded my mind, as I lived the first six months of marriage with Gozie happily.
Some months later Gozie started running out of love and patience. The things he would normally overlook became unacceptable to him.
He stopped complimenting me and even taking me out for dinner like he would normally do. I could not figure out where or what went wrong in our marriage, rather each time I asked him if I did something wrong he would give me a deaf ear.
This sudden change from him was disturbing to me as I was very naive in my relationship and had no knowledge of how to approach our marital differences. Gozie was not just way older than me but he was my first lover and the first man I have ever been intimate with and this he was aware of.
Gozie soon started unleashing a new side of him that I did not know or ever thought about, he started seeing other women. At first, he was conscience-stricken about his unfaithfulness and would apologize for it but still did not stop cheating on me.
Gozie's execrable cheating attracted public attention to our marriage, and neighbors and friends soon had something bad to say about our marriage.
True! Gozie was wealthy and did not give me a chance to complain about not being well-fed, but integrity is an essential feature of a good man and this was something Gozie never possessed.
My doubts about his loyalty and genuine love towards me commenced the day I decided to have a conversation with him regarding my education in our living room.
I reminded him of the promise he made to my father back in Nigeria that he was going to see me through
school, and it's been months now since we got married and he has not mentioned or done anything regarding my education.
Contrary to the response I was expecting Gozie hushed me, stooped up angrily from the sofa looked down at me with so much irritation, and said;
"Forget about your education! I will never see you through school.
Besides female education is very useless. You must take care of my stomach and bear me children, don't ever mention the word education in my house".
He said with so much infuriation and went straight to the bedroom.
I was in shock.
It was too soon, way too soon for me to see him this way.
I yelled out of fear and trepidation.
He did not say that to me, right? I could not believe my ears. What happened?
Where did that voice and look come from? I muttered with my heart almost dropping into my stomach.
It was from that moment everything changed.
He started neglecting me, became less tolerant
towards me, and always spoke to me in harsh tones. I could deal with his little affection towards me but not with his cheating, a repulsive side of him I could not just stomach.
As time goes on Gozie seems defiant and unrepentant in his ways. His lechery soon got the best of him. What I thought to be freedom at last swiftly became another chapter of pain and misery, the emotional torture was just so unbearable for me.
Maybe I was not meant to be happy in this life, maybe my happiness is in my next life. I said to myself.
Every night I would lay down on my bed crying but no one to comfort me. Who to run to? Who to complain to?
I barely even knew anyone from here and even if I did know a few people, who to trust with my marriage crises?
It was a strange land and I barely even stepped out of my house to talk more or socialize because Gozie would not let me. The only time I met with people or left the house was when Gozie took me out for dinner but ever since a new spirit took over him, he stopped taking me out and buying gifts for me too.
So one day I decided to approach Gozie with a business request to be able to take care of myself since he stopped caring about my well-being. I decided to cease staying home alone as the children were not coming either.
One evening after serving my husband Gọzie dinner and observing his mood to be sure he was in the right mood, so I did not risk getting beaten by him as that too was gradually making its way in our marriage, I decided to tell him about my decision to quit staying home idle and that i wanted to start up a business.
Luckily for me, he did not reject or frown at my
request, rather than ask me what sort of business I intended to venture into.
I hastily replied I would love to start a hair-dressing saloon business, I want to beautify both women and men, I added.
If that is what you want to do then it is fine by me, he said. For the first time in a long while, I was happy with him and gave him a satisfying smile.
The following morning he offered me a sum of a hundred thousand francs to start the business of my choice and I was very appreciative of it. I speedily had my bath, got all dressed, and left to go search for a shop to rent.
After surveying a few of the recommended shops I saw, I ended up paying for the one with a small capacity but in an advantageous location.
I rented a shop and did both the decorations and furnishings with the necessary equipment in trend at the time. My hair saloon business became an escape from depression for me.
At least leaving home every day and coming back in the evening helped me not to ruminate on not having access to education, or Gozie's nasty disrespectful attitude which seemed to me as a snide to my childbirth predicament.
When I announced to Gozie that I had paid for the shop and even furnished it, he was cheery and demanded every document regarding the shop and its location.
It felt awkward hearing him say that but then I did not wish to make a mountain out of it and proceeded to hand every document concerning the shop to him, convincing myself that he was my husband and I owe him that total submission and again he financed the salon business.
My salon business was moving smoothly with nearly nothing to complain about except for Gozie's uninterrupted visits. It was almost as though Gozie and I ran the salon, to the point of him asking me to stop beautifying men and focus only on women.
Where is that statement coming from?
Why? I asked curiously.
I already knew that statement had something to do with his unfaithfulness to me and my dear husband assumed I would do the same.
"I am your husband and you owe me that respect!"
Gozie said unprovoked.
But I did not disrespect you, sir!
I only asked why...
For some minutes Gozie seemed to have lost his tongue, and after taking like forever to answer all he could say was " am not comfortable with men coming to your salon, they might rob you someday".
Really? I said to him with my eyes wide open.
But Gozie rather did not entertain me any further but entered his brand new sharp-looking Peugeot and drove off.