Chapter 2: The Cosmic Fool's First Test
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Life Under a System
Xu Tian slumped onto his bunk in the dilapidated dormitory, his mind swirling with questions, frustrations, and no small amount of dread. The other disciples gave him a wide berth, some sneaking nervous glances at him as if he'd sprouted horns. After all, it wasn't every day that someone turned a centuries-old Spirit Convergence Stone into a blinding spectacle.
But Xu Tian didn't care about their stares. He had far more pressing concerns—namely, the cold, emotionless voice in his head.
[(Host has three days to complete the assigned task: Replace an elder's spiritual tea with fermented donkey urine. Failure will result in expulsion from the sect. Timer starts now.)]
The voice was as calm as ever, but to Xu Tian, it was a death knell. "Expulsion?!" he hissed under his breath. "I just got here! You're gonna throw me out already?"
[(System mandates success. Task difficulty is proportional to host's current capabilities. Failure is not advised.)]
Xu Tian groaned, rubbing his temples. "Who designed this damn thing? Task difficulty proportional to my capabilities? I'm below average, remember?! I should be picking flowers, not pranking elders!"
[(Host's complaints have been noted. Proceed accordingly.)]
"Noted? That's it?!" Xu Tian wanted to punch something—preferably the person responsible for this system. But before he could spiral further into self-pity, a new thought struck him.
"Wait... fermented donkey urine?" His nose wrinkled in disgust. "Where the hell am I supposed to find that?!"
[(Resource acquisition is part of the task. Host's ingenuity will be tested.]
"Of course it will," he muttered darkly. "Because nothing in my life can ever be simple."
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A Plan Takes Shape
Xu Tian spent the next hour pacing around the dormitory, muttering to himself. The other disciples wisely avoided him, except for one particularly curious soul: a lanky youth named Guo Fan.
Guo Fan was one of the few disciples who seemed genuinely enthusiastic about cultivation, despite being part of a sect where mediocrity was the norm. His bright eyes and perpetually cheerful demeanor made him stand out—much to Xu Tian's annoyance.
"Hey, Xu Tian," Guo Fan said, sidling up to him. "What's with all the muttering? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"Worse," Xu Tian replied without thinking.
Guo Fan tilted his head. "Worse than a ghost? What could be worse than—oh!" His eyes lit up. "Did you awaken some kind of special talent? Is that why the Spirit Convergence Stone lit up earlier?"
Xu Tian froze. He'd been so caught up in his internal crisis that he'd forgotten how bizarre his situation must have looked to everyone else. Quickly, he forced a grin onto his face.
"Something like that," he said vaguely. "You know how it is—sometimes you just get... lucky."
Guo Fan nodded eagerly. "That's amazing! Maybe the heavens have big plans for you!"
Xu Tian snorted. "Yeah, big plans to make me miserable."
Guo Fan didn't seem to hear him. "So, what's your next move? Are you going to start training with the elders? Or maybe you'll join the inner disciples!"
"Actually," Xu Tian said, seizing the opportunity, "I could use some help with... uh, a special mission."
Guo Fan's eyes widened. "A mission? What kind of mission?"
"The kind that involves, uh..." Xu Tian hesitated, searching for the right words. "...acquiring rare materials."
"Rare materials?" Guo Fan repeated.
"Yes. Very rare. In fact, it's so rare that I need someone with your expertise to help me find it."
Guo Fan puffed out his chest. "You can count on me!"
Xu Tian's grin widened. "Great. Now, tell me—where can I find a donkey?"
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The Art of Deception
By some miracle, Guo Fan managed to track down a donkey within a few hours. The beast belonged to a farmer who lived on the outskirts of the sect's territory, and after a brief negotiation (read: Xu Tian lying through his teeth about needing the donkey for "cultivation purposes"), they managed to borrow it.
Now came the hard part.
"Are you sure this is part of your mission?" Guo Fan asked, watching with a mix of confusion and concern as Xu Tian tried to coax the donkey into drinking a foul-smelling mixture of herbs and water.
"Positive," Xu Tian lied. "This is a very advanced technique, so don't ask too many questions."
Guo Fan nodded, though he still looked skeptical.
After what felt like an eternity, the donkey finally drank the concoction, and Xu Tian let out a sigh of relief. Now, all he had to do was wait for nature to take its course.
Unfortunately, that left him with another problem: how to sneak the "product" into an elder's tea without getting caught.
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The Target
The Fallen Cloud Sect had several elders, but only one was infamous for his terrible temper: Elder Zhao. A stout man with a bushy beard and a booming voice, Elder Zhao was known for his love of tea and his intolerance for nonsense.
In other words, he was the perfect target.
Xu Tian spent the next day observing Elder Zhao's routine, learning that the elder always took his tea in the same spot: a quiet pavilion near the sect's main hall. The tea was prepared by an unfortunate junior disciple, who delivered it promptly at noon.
Armed with this knowledge, Xu Tian formulated a plan.
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Operation Donkey Brew
On the third day, Xu Tian put his plan into action. With Guo Fan's unwitting help, he managed to slip into the kitchen where the tea was prepared. The junior disciple was nowhere to be seen—likely called away on some errand—which gave Xu Tian the perfect opportunity to strike.
Carefully, he poured the fermented donkey urine into the teapot, doing his best not to gag at the smell. Once the deed was done, he slipped out of the kitchen and made his way to a nearby hiding spot.
From his vantage point, he watched as the junior disciple returned, obliviously carrying the tainted tea to Elder Zhao's pavilion.
"Here goes nothing," Xu Tian muttered, his heart pounding.
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The Moment of Truth
Elder Zhao accepted the tea with a grunt, sipping it as he reviewed a stack of scrolls. For a moment, everything seemed normal.
And then it happened.
The elder's face turned an alarming shade of red, his eyes bulging as he spat the tea out in a dramatic spray. "What in the name of the heavens is this?!"
Xu Tian bit down on his knuckles to stifle his laughter.
"Who prepared this abomination?!" Elder Zhao roared, his voice echoing across the sect grounds.
The junior disciple stammered, his face pale. "I-I don't know, Elder! I just delivered it like I always do!"
Elder Zhao's fury showed no signs of abating, but before he could launch into a tirade, a new voice interrupted him.
"Elder Zhao!"
The sect leader, a wizened man with a long white beard, appeared in the pavilion. He held up a hand, his expression grave. "Calm yourself. This is clearly the work of... destiny."
Elder Zhao blinked. "Destiny?"
"Yes," the sect leader said, stroking his beard. "Only someone chosen by the heavens would dare to play such a bold prank. We must investigate this matter thoroughly."
Xu Tian's jaw dropped. Was the sect leader seriously buying into this nonsense?
[(Congratulations, Host. Task completed. Reward: Basic Spiritual Energy Enhancement. Task evaluation: Adequate.)]
Xu Tian couldn't help but grin. Adequate or not, he had survived his first task—and it was all thanks to his "ingenuity."
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Chapter End
As the sect descended into chaos over the mysterious tea prank, Xu Tian leaned back in his hiding spot, savoring his victory.
"This might actually work," he murmured to himself.
But deep down, he knew this was only the beginning.
To Be Continued...
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This chapter introduces Xu Tian's first system task, showcasing his resourcefulness and the absurdity of his situation. The comedic tone balances well with the tension, setting the stage for future hijinks.