Chereads / Unlikely Orders / Chapter 39 - The Weight of Trust

Chapter 39 - The Weight of Trust

Lila stood in the quiet of her apartment, her fingers absently tracing the rim of her coffee mug. Michael's words had echoed in her mind ever since their conversation. She hadn't wanted to hear them, hadn't wanted to believe them. But now, they were lodged there, gnawing at her, threatening to unravel the comfort she'd found in her relationship with Ethan.

She had always trusted Michael, even when he'd pushed her buttons growing up, even when he'd made decisions that seemed reckless. But now, as an adult, his warnings carried more weight than she'd expected. Lila wasn't naïve. She knew people had secrets, and Ethan—of all people—seemed to be hiding more than she could uncover. It wasn't the first time she'd felt like there was more beneath the surface. She'd felt it from the beginning, and the deeper they got, the more that instinct had grown. But was it just her own insecurities? Or was Michael right?

There was a knock at the door, breaking her from her thoughts. She hesitated for a moment, then walked to the door. Through the peephole, she saw Ethan standing on the other side, looking as composed as ever. But there was something about the way he stood that struck her—a subtle, almost imperceptible tension in his posture.

She took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hey," Ethan greeted, his smile warm but a little tentative, as though he was unsure of her mood. "Can we talk?"

Lila nodded, stepping aside to let him in. Her heart fluttered at the sight of him, and for a moment, she wished she could let go of the doubts that clouded her mind. But they were there, pressing down on her, and she knew they would only grow louder if she didn't address them.

"Of course," she replied, her voice softer than she intended.

Ethan walked in, taking a seat on the couch, and Lila sat across from him, trying to keep her gaze steady. He looked at her with those eyes—intense, warm, but always holding a little bit of mystery—and she had to fight the urge to get lost in them.

"I've been thinking about you a lot," he said, his voice steady, but Lila could sense the vulnerability beneath it. "And I think… I think we should talk about where we stand."

Lila's stomach churned slightly. The weight of her brother's words hung between them like a veil. Ethan was still Ethan, the same person she had trusted before. But could she continue to trust him when she wasn't sure if she knew the full picture?

"Ethan," she began, her voice carefully controlled, "I've been thinking about a lot of things too." She paused, looking at him as if trying to read him, looking for something she hadn't seen before. "I think we need to talk about more than just 'where we stand.' I think we need to talk about trust."

Ethan's expression shifted slightly, confusion and concern flashing across his face. "What do you mean? Trust's been there from the start. Haven't we always been open with each other?"

Lila's heart ached at the sincerity in his voice, and for a moment, she almost believed him. But the doubts Michael had planted had taken root, and they wouldn't just vanish. "I've been thinking about how much of you I actually know, Ethan. And I know that doesn't sound fair, but…" She stopped herself, searching for the right words. "You've got a past. We both do. But I need to know you, all of you. And right now, I don't."

Ethan's eyes darkened slightly, the flicker of vulnerability quickly hidden behind a mask of composure. "I told you everything that matters. I've been honest with you. About me. About my past. What more do you need, Lila?"

The frustration in his voice was unmistakable, and Lila felt her resolve starting to slip. It wasn't that she didn't believe him—it was that she couldn't shake the feeling that there was something he wasn't telling her. Something important.

"I don't know, Ethan. I just…" She trailed off, not sure how to finish the sentence. How could she explain that the uncertainty was eating away at her from the inside out? That she was torn between wanting to believe in him and feeling like she was missing something vital?

Ethan stood up, pacing in front of her. "Lila, this isn't fair. You know that. I've given you everything I can. I've opened up to you in ways that I never thought I would. But if you can't trust me, then what are we even doing here?"

The words hit her harder than she expected, and she could see the frustration and pain in his eyes. She wasn't trying to hurt him, but something in her couldn't ignore the truth she felt slipping through the cracks.

She swallowed hard, her throat tightening. "I'm not saying I don't trust you. I just…" Her voice faltered, and she stood, walking over to the window to collect herself. "I just need to figure out if I can trust us. If this is real or if it's something I've imagined."

Silence stretched between them, thick and heavy. Ethan remained standing, his gaze fixed on her, waiting for her to explain herself.

"I need time, Ethan," she said, turning back to face him. "I need time to figure this out. I'm not ready to rush into anything, especially not when I don't have all the pieces."

He nodded slowly, as if understanding, though the hurt still lingered in his eyes. "I get it," he said softly. "But I can't promise how long I can wait."

Lila's chest tightened at his words, and she wished more than anything that she could give him the certainty he was asking for. But she wasn't ready. Not yet.

"I know," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

With that, Ethan turned to leave, but before he reached the door, he paused and looked back at her one last time.

"We'll figure it out," he said quietly. "I'm not going anywhere, Lila. But you have to decide what you want, too."

The door clicked shut behind him, and Lila let out a shaky breath, her heart heavy with the weight of everything she had just said—and everything she wasn't ready to face yet.