Chereads / NO PLOT MAN / Chapter 5 - Chapter 5: Whoopee Doom

Chapter 5 - Chapter 5: Whoopee Doom

Panel 1:

The city is bathed in the golden light of dusk. No Plot Man sits on the same park bench, the rubber chicken resting on his lap. He looks tired but contemplative. Neon Wraith stands nearby, scanning the skyline with his neon visor glowing faintly.

Narration Box: "After the chaos of the rift, life almost feels… normal. But peace never lasts long."

Panel 2:

Neon Wraith turns to No Plot Man, his expression serious.

Neon Wraith: "We need to talk about the artifact."

No Plot Man: "We're still calling it an artifact? Dude, it's a rubber chicken."

Neon Wraith: "That rubber chicken just closed a dimensional rift and blasted void creatures into oblivion."

No Plot Man: "Yeah, and now it squeaks when I sit down. Your point?"

Panel 3:

A faint BOOM echoes in the distance. Both heroes snap to attention. Neon Wraith's visor flashes as he scans for the source.

SFX: BOOM!

Neon Wraith: "That came from downtown. Something big."

No Plot Man (groaning): "Can't we have one day without existential threats?"

Panel 4:

Downtown. Buildings tremble as a massive figure steps into view. It's a towering humanoid made entirely of glowing, pulsating whoopee cushions. Each step releases a thunderous, flatulent sound.

SFX: FOOOM!

Narration Box: "Behold, the Whoopee Titan. Born of chaos, powered by humiliation, and undeniably absurd."

Whoopee Titan: "Where is the Chicken of Chaotica? It must return to its rightful master!"

Panel 5:

No Plot Man and Neon Wraith arrive on the scene, staring up at the colossal monstrosity. No Plot Man squints, clearly unimpressed.

No Plot Man: "Okay, seriously? This is what we're fighting now?"

Neon Wraith: "Don't underestimate it. That thing's radiating unstable chaotic energy."

No Plot Man: "Yeah, and it smells like a middle school locker room."

Panel 6:

The Whoopee Titan points a massive, squeaky hand at them, its voice echoing like a distorted kazoo.

Whoopee Titan: "Hand over the chicken, or face the wrath of the whoopee cushion empire!"

No Plot Man (to Neon Wraith): "What's the protocol for dealing with sentient fart monsters?"

Neon Wraith: "The usual. Hit it until it stops moving."

Panel 7:

No Plot Man sighs, holding up the chicken, which begins to glow faintly again.

No Plot Man: "Alright, let's do this. But if this thing pops, you're cleaning up the mess."

Neon Wraith (drawing his neon blades): "Deal."

Panel 8:

The heroes charge. No Plot Man swings the rubber chicken, releasing a burst of chaotic energy that slams into the Titan, making it stumble back. Neon Wraith dashes forward, slicing into the Titan's legs, releasing thunderous bursts of air.

SFX: KA-POW! HSSSSS!

Whoopee Titan: "FOOLS! YOU CANNOT DEFLATE ME!"

Panel 9:

The Titan retaliates, slamming a massive squeaky foot down. The shockwave sends the heroes flying. No Plot Man crashes into a hotdog cart, emerging covered in mustard.

No Plot Man (sarcastic): "Perfect. Just perfect."

Neon Wraith (yelling): "Focus! It's weakening!"

Panel 10:

No Plot Man gets to his feet, gripping the rubber chicken tightly. He notices something—a faint crack forming in the Titan's chest, glowing brighter with every attack.

No Plot Man (thought bubble): "There's the weak spot. Time to get ridiculous."

Panel 11:

With a running start, No Plot Man leaps into the air, holding the rubber chicken high. The artifact glows intensely, releasing waves of chaotic energy. The Titan roars, trying to swat him away.

SFX: FWOOOOSH!

No Plot Man (yelling): "Hey, Big Squeaky! Let's pop this party!"

Panel 12:

No Plot Man slams the chicken directly into the crack on the Titan's chest. The glow intensifies, and the Titan begins to collapse in on itself, releasing an earth-shaking PRRRRRT sound.

SFX: KA-BOOOOM! PRRRRT!

Whoopee Titan: "NOOOOOOO—"

Panel 13:

The dust settles. The Titan is gone, leaving only a pile of deflated whoopee cushions. No Plot Man stands victorious, still holding the rubber chicken, now steaming slightly.

No Plot Man (wiping mustard off his face): "Another day, another overly dramatic mess."

Neon Wraith (approaching): "You're getting better at this."

No Plot Man: "Yeah? Well, it's hard to suck when the enemies are literally made of farts."

Panel 14:

As the two walk away, the shady figure from Tony's Gag Emporium watches from the shadows, holding a glowing kazoo in one hand.

Narration Box: "But the chaos is far from over. For where one artifact rises…"

Shady Figure: "Soon, all the relics will be mine."

Narration Box: "…another waits to be unleashed."

End of Chapter 5