I am perfect, I have a plan to move on with my life, I have a job opportunity that will be a definite improvement to now, I can't wait for them to accept me. Hey they accepted my job application, that's fantastic, oh what's this a performance test. Oh I failed, no problem I can just try again in 3 months, I'll be successful right? Gosh I'm an idiot, I should have studied for the test, I didn't know what was on the test but I could have done something right? No I didn't need to prepare, I failed because I was a fool, I was overconfident, I was full of flaws, I have flaws. 8 years of crippling depression, morbidly obese, community college drop out, part time at a dead end job, living with his parents, no girlfriend, and yet I'm considered "lucky." Lucky enough to not be starving, lucky enough to have a roof over my head, lucky enough to have a family, but am I lucky enough. If someone in those circumstances had a chance to swap lives, would they take my life, would they be able to make something of it. I'm not suicidal but I sometimes wish that I never existed, or at least exist in one of those fantasy worlds where the hero gets treated like royalty or at least a commoner who lives the simple life of a farmer. I used to believe that being perfect was being me because, "we are all special and unique," but why be me when others could be me better, *sigh. I don't know this is my journey or something, I don't care anymore. 

Next CH: How Did I Get Here?