I walked in through the door. My hands slowly gripped what looked like a rusted handle pushing it down. Like all old people, the door groaned, a loud creeeeeek that probably alerted the entire neighborhood that I had arrived. The building was old and dilapidated. From the worn out bricks that threatened to crumble into dust even as the cement tried to hold them down to the splintered door with a myriad of warts across its body.
I looked at the entrance wondering whether this job really was worth it. I wasn't broke. I could wait a few months for something else to pop up. I had time but…but what if I didn't, what if I wasted my savings and became some pauper on the road that people gazed at with eyes of contempt or pity or disdain? I had no one to rely on other than myself. I was very reliable. Just ask the big muscles on my body and the fact that I graduated uni with no debt. No friends and free time and potentially suicidal thoughts but I did it, I'd finished Uni and now I was here looking at the dilapidated front door of the business that would hopefully hire me in the near future, application in hand and a broad smile equipped for good measure.
I took a deep breath and walked in. It honestly looked better inside than out. Beautiful paintings, leather chairs, a front desk. What in the actual fuck? This looked shady. I shook my head and turned my forming frown upside down. I scratched the back of my head, softly letting the relaxing feeling of scratching and itch release me from my nerves. I was just afraid. I looked up at the front desk to see what could be considered a handsome woman looking at me. Broad shoulders, muscular arms than seemed to threaten violence if ever needed and a gaunt face with scars that littered it as if to say "I've been through worse." She probably had. She looked like she could break me like I did a twix bar on the way here with my first bite. I gulped and walked up to her placing my dirty shoes on the unblemished marble floor, blemishing them.
"Hello," I smile.
She just eyes me, looking me up and down. I look away as her gaze reaches my eyes. It felt as if she was a fire that I wasn't prepared for and that gazing back would only pour gasoline upon its already blazing hearth.
She snorts.
"You here for the interview?"
I nod. We look at each other for a few impossibly long seconds. She gestures towards the papers sitting right under my armpit.
"Aren't you gonna give me those?"
"S-sorry,"
She shakes her head.
"Nerves?" She asks.
I nod. She just pats me on the back with a frown. Pity. Why would she be feeling pity. This was just an interview procession for a job. If I didn't get it, I'd go on with my life.
"Sit down in the room over there."
She pointed at room 102.
"Room 102?" I ask.
She nods.
I turn to walk away but pause and turn back.
"T-thanks for being helpful."
My parents raised me with good manners and even though I was an anti-social wickle prick, I would still make sure to thank anyone that helped me whether it was their job to or not.
She looked surprised as if I was the first to have done so in a while. Her rugged features seemed to have loosened as she smiled back, softly. The fire being doused.
"Y-you're welcome kid."
I walk to the door and as I was about to enter.
"Kid!" She shouts.
I turn to look at her, fixing the circular glasses upon my face with two fingers to the middle like an anime villain.
"Good luck. You'll need it."
The worry in her eyes visible for me to see. Ominous. Fuck! It…probably meant that I was not going to get the job. Right? Right?
I enter Room 102. Can't let doubt stop me from finding financial stability.
I look around and notice that there a few more applicants. Huh. I thought I'd be the first one here. The news ad stated that jobs were on a first come, first serve basis as were interviews so I'd gotten here at 6am. The sun hadn't even been in the sky for its nine to five and here I was suited up as I entered the smelly bus with the crackheads.
There were three people before me and so I waited. We nodded at each other but who wanted to talk to a potential competitor? I definitely didn't want to feel bad the Johnny over there as his nametag stated, with five kids can't feed his family because I got the job in his stead. That would be annoying as fuckity fuck fuck and I would not let that burden weigh on my conscience. I wasn't Atlas. I wouldn't take the burden of the whole world on my shoulders. Fuck that.
One, Two,
One, Two,
I tapped my feet to the rhythm of Micheal Jackson's 'beat it' as I waited for my turn. Quietly of course. It helped calm my nerves and right now my nerves threatened to make me beat it. My heart was beating faster and faster. If this was the stress olympics, I'm sure that I would have at least placed to three. What was this ominous feeling? Maybe I should-
"Number Thirty-Two."
That's my cue. I walk up to the interviewer and shake his hands. A firm, strong handshake like my father had to me and his father had taught him. It showcased the measure of a man. I smiled too of course. You have to be inviting, not menacing. As my father would say, "That's what got you jobs." Sadly he was dead but it was nice to see that his tricks were working. Woohoo dad. Still useful from the afterlife.
The man smiled back.
"Follow me…Andrew Gillean"
I watched as his eyes found his way to my name tag. So he didn't even read the applications. I guess it made sense since he looked like one of the boss's here. A saint laurent suit and the fact that everyone even Ms. Handsome gave him a look of deference told me as much.
I watched as he walked through the door and found ourselves in his office.
"Tea?"
This was a professional meeting. My dad had warned me about the quirky things that interviewers did to trip you up. I squinted my eyes slightly, not enough for the interview to notice. This was probably a test of some kind. I shake my head.
"Biscuit"
He'd asked twice and it would be rude to say no and so I nodded.
He pulled out a box of danish cookies and cracked it open with a resplendent POP. Oh, how I've missed you danish.
"Take your pick."
I looked at the biscuits like a wolf that hadn't eaten in months but then quickly composed myself. What thing I was not was tactless. Manners Maketh Man. Kingsman. Great movie! After I'd watched that, I stopped fighting, because if I was going to fight then it'd had better be fucking worth it.
I looked up at my interview. The bags under his eyes, the slight sag of his skin, the sharp lines sitting on his forehead and last of all, his tired eyes. The man had seen a lot and done a lot. He looked a lot like my father before he…My father wasn't always the best man. He'd told me so after I told him I wished to be like him.
"You don't" He whispered.
A ten year old me watched him with widened eyes.
"I-"
He placed his palm up and I shut up. He wasn't a king but I respected him and would let him speak even if I wanted to throw a tantrum.
"I've been to hell and because of it I turned into the devil. I hit your mother, drank like a cow eats grass and worst of all I hit you. Once. You would be to young to remember it, wouldn you?" He sighs.
I just stare at him. He hit mom? He hit me? The dependable father in my mind shattered that day.
He placed his hands on my shoulder.
"Everyday, I repent. Everyday, I hug your mom. I wonder sometimes why she even stayed with me."
He just looks at me. The tiredness threatening to seep into my very soul.
"Don't be me. Be better."
He became a better man through the process of hurting those he cared for, I wouldn't enter into that purview not even slightly. I looked at my interviewer and smiled, sincerely.
"Thank you very much sir,"
He paused. Why was everyone pausing when he said thanks? Were they all compliment starved or something. It was weird.
I took a bite out of a biscuit as I watched the man fumble around, his gaze placed on the biscuit in my mouth. Should I not have eaten it? Oh well, it was too late.
I began crunching, letting the biscuit turn into mush in my mouth before swallowing. It was quite delightful actually.
I looked up at the man and smiled. He looked away and stared down at his notes, probably to distract him from whatever he saw in me. All good things I hope.
"Blood Type O- correct?"
I nod.
"You don't drink?"
I nod. My father told me that drinks killed a person's soul turning them into husks of what they were. Not that I cared if others drank. I just wouldn't test it. No, I would definitely not.
"You don't smoke?"
"I used to. It's all in the application."
The man scratched the back of his head.
"Just checking."
"Any family?"
I shake my head.
"They died in a car crash. Drunk driver."
The interviewer nods wondering whether to say anything. I could tell by the fact that his mouth was half open.
I warmly smile letting him know that everything is okay.
"Alright. I think we've got all we need. If it's any consolation, you were a nice kid, it's just that I have kids to feed. Three…Two…One…"
He looks at his watch.
Everything went black.
The next moment. I woke up in a room, strapped to a surgical table with my insides having been opened. The doctor looked up at me in confusion.
"H-he isn't dead. We agreed, only dead people."
A man in a suit that definitely wasn't suited for this sterile environment placed a gun on the surgeon's temple.
"Yes he is. Now you say it."
The doctor looks at me with pity. I knew my fate was sealed.
"H-he's dead."
The man smiled, a vicious smile. His pearly yellows coming out to play. He let out a loud chuckle before farting, uncaring of who heard. He was the one in charge and nothing he did mattered. Monster.
"Don't waste any anesthesia on this one."
"B-but," The doctor said.
"He's dead isn't he?" The man asked.
The doctor looked away.
"Isn't he?" The man growled.
The man's trigger finger was shaking in annoyance.
"Yes! He's dead."
Tears escaped the doctor's eyes as I watched him slowly and precisely take out my organs until I inevitably die.
"What did I do to deserve this?"
The man in the suit looked at me.
"Children die everyday, because of some natural disaster, some war or some other thing. It isn't sad, it is just the way of life, suffering, pain, contempt that is what drives all humans forward. Without suffering we would not know happiness. You were just one of those unlucky children Mr.Andrew and I was the natural disaster placed in your path. Don't think too much about it. I sure won't. At least you weren't raped or tortured. I…guess this could count as torture," He smirked, "Bye."
Everything faded into black and I woke up in the darkness.
Shadows upon shadows. No light to be seen except the glowing black mass that was this realm. A realm that I didn't fit into as If I was a puzzle piece for another set. I was light and yet the darkness obscured me in whatever futile attempt it used to smother me, to assimilate me into its being. I wasn't even sure if it was a thing. All I knew was that I shouldn't be here and that I couldn't move as while it couldn't eradicate itself of me, it could hold me and so it did and so I waited.
"There's someone here. I can feel it," a being said.
Suddenly, I disappeared and found myself transported into a house, a beautiful black house in the midst of the darkness. The rooms were all dark. How in the fuck were the seethrough windows dark too? It was just weird.
I looked at the black mass sitting in front of me while sipping on some black tea, because of fucking course it would be.
"Why am I here?"
It just continued sipping, taking its sweet tim to finish every single drop of the dark tea from the dark teacup in its dark hands. A loud gulp could be heard and and 'ahh' to show that the tea hit the right spots. If only he could hit the being too in its big ass head.
"You died."
"Why am I here?"
"To get reincarnated of course."
"So I was stuck within the darkness for eons to get reincarnated? What if I went crazy?"
"You have a pure soul so no madness for you. Unless of course you choose to be a murderer but again, pure soul. Not natural but built. Your father made sure of that," The being chuckled, "Oh and you were meant to come here but the darkness held you in anger."
"Why?"
The being gazed at me with its darkness. I could feel it in my soul.
"They all prayed for reincarnation. Buddhists, earthlings would call them and some, Weebs. They didn't get their wish and are now stuck here for all of eternity."
"Why?"
"Too much negative Karma. Some were serial killers, others followed the ugly bastard route and others killed themselves in an attempt to reincarnate. I sent whatever pureness they had to heaven and left the remnants, their darkness here. It seems I'm going to have to warn the darkness not to threaten poor souls again." The dark being sighed, "Anyways, you have a pure soul, you'll be reincarnated into Buffy the vampire slayer and get three wishes on the human level."
"Why not heaven?"
"Because you weren't meant to die and so I have to fix things before big G realizes that I let some of the darkness return and hurt others. Yada Yada Yada."
"Why only on the human level? Don't you owe me one?"
"That's because I don't need you changing things. You could wish for money and a good life. Some shit like that. You're quite calm about this."
I shrug. What could I do to this being? This eldritch entity that could probably make me disappear with but a single thought.
"Let me think."
You have five minutes. A Dark timer formed out of nowhere and a loud tick could be heard. Fuck this being. At least he can't read minds I think. Lucky me. He wasn't omniscient and I knew this because the darkness escaped. If I played this right…
"I know what I want."
"And what would that be?"
"I wish for the power to assimilate."
"That's not human level. It is in buffy. People get possessed all the fucking time and turned in the show. I don't want those two things to happen. I won't assimilate the being's full powers just what they place in me."
The darkness nods.
"Smart. I planned to drop you off at a vampire hideout. Now I can't," It chuckled.
"You're joking right?"
"..."
"Right?"
"If that is what you wish."
If I had a mouth, I'd be sighing.
"I wish to have a perfect memory."
The darkness bends its top most part up and down as if to nod.
"Alright. Your last wish?"
"I wish to be able to stop time for a year. It'll be a one-time ability."
"Tell me, how is this a human-level ability?" It glares, angrily at my perceived slight.
I gulp.
"I won't be able to kill anyone when using this ability and I will only ever be able to use this once so I can't do too much with it. It would just help me run away from any threat," I pause, Like Glory."
"Smart," It remarks, "Just type in when you want to get reincarnated here. It will send you off with your wishes. Now, kindly fuck off."
I scoffed at the being that murdered me but it was okay. I typed in Season two episode six and shimmered out of there.
I found myself in sunnydale. The sun was shining bright in the sky and so and the vampires were hiding in their little crypts and broken down houses. I was walking down the street when I saw two teens in costumes. I waved.
"Excuse me, where can I find Ethan's Costume shop? I'm new here and someone said that place had cool shit."
"It's over in that direction, walk down two blocks and take a right. You'll see it." The taller of the two teens stated.
"Thanks dude."
I placed my hand out for a fistbump and we fistbumped. He seemed chill enough. I went on my way. I gazed at nineties nostalgia surrounding me. JNCO jeans. Hippie shit and otherwise. It looked cool as fuck. Took me back to my highschool days.
I soon found myself in the shop. I looked around to see a haunted looking costume shop with a pretty frilly dress hanging upon one of the mannequins and a bunch of cool ass costumes. I think I even saw a satan one. That kid would definitely need therapy after this.
"Hello," Ethan Rayne waved.
So this was Ethan Rayne, the chaos mage, Egyhon holder, the nuisance. He looked old, weak and slightly insane. I could tell from the look in his eyes. He was a monster though and a monster should never be underestimated, especially one that followed chaos.
"Do you have a Batman costume?" I asked.
The man frowned and shook his head.
"No. I do not."
"Can you make one? I'll pay extra."
I'd checked my pockets earlier and found a one thousand dollar bill in them. This was important.
"Alright Ol' chap. I'll do it for you. It will cost you…two hundred dollars. Cash," He smiles.
A little smirk escaping his nice old man mask.
"Here."
I take the two hundred out of my pocket and give it to him. He smiles.
"Just give me a second. It will be quick."
He goes to the back and brings out a batman costume. This bastard. He played me like a fool. Well played Ethan, well played.
The vein on my temple threatened to burst.
"Thanks," I smile, calming myself down.
I'd gotten what I needed.
"Thanks for your patronage, kid."
"Is there a changing room here?"
He points to the right and I quickly change into the costume. I look in the mirror and two words escape my lips.
"I'M BATMAN!"
In my head the Ne Ne Ne Ne Ne Ne Ne Ne Batmaaaan was playing on repeat. I chuckled. It was my win. I'd be able to change things now. Batman had fought everything from madmen to gods and somehow come out on top. I need that. I needed to be able to survive.
I walked out of the store in full costume and went to find a motel to chill. Instead, I found Buffy. Yes, the slayer. Who else? She was pretty....pretty young. Yh you pedos. Fuck off with that you should fuck her shit. She was with her mom and wow was her mamma fiiine.
"Hello pretty lady. You know where I could find a motel?" I asked.
Joyce giggled.
"Oh you."
She waved her hand feigning embarrassment.
"eWWW Mom. No. You're like twice his age."
The laughing stopped as Buffy's mother shrank into herself in embarrassment.
"Ehem," She coughs, "You were looking for a motel?"
"I'm new to the town and need a place to stay."
"We could drive you," She offers.
"Thanks."
I found myself in a car with Buffy, her kind mother and silence. It seemed as if the first interaction made shit weird. Oh, well. The farther away I was from Buffy the better. It was cool to watch her on television but half the shit she did was caused by the fact that she was a teenager that made dumb emotional decisions even when everyone in the world would die. The fact that this was season two and she'd still be complaining about being the vampire slayer and not being ready to take up the mantle didn't help. It wasn't fair on her but my death wasn't fair etiher and so you know what I'd probably leave sunnydale after this and become a hunter in Wyoming or some shit.
We soon reached our destination, "Sunnydale Motor Inn", I said a quick thanks before hopping out of the car and walking to the front desk.
"How much for a room?"
"You one of those freaks? Don't'cha know bats are a bad sign in this town?"
"I'm new here."
"Makes sense. Thirty buckaroos a night."
I take out a hundred. The man's grubby fingers grip it quickly. He looks at the hundred for a long while. It would seem that Sunnydale didn't get many guests. Other than the undead I mean.
"The Key?"
"Room 106. End of the hall."
He passes me the key and I walk to the room. Is that a cockroach I see on the floor? I shake my head and look up. I saw nothing. A rat comes out of nowhere. I did not see that too. I hust keep walking to my room in my batman costume.
I open the door and run to my bed as if it were a consenting naked angelina jolie after the tomb raider movies. They hadn't come out in this verse yet right? Maybe I still could.
I closed my eyes letting sleep take me.
I woke to a pounding in my head and memories of many alternate versions of Batman entering my mind. Ones where he was a murder, others when he was a hero, mainly the hero ones. Boy was that man fucked up. Like really fucking fucked up. If I'd known I might have just picked a different survivor, one with only one iteration.
My body began growing. I grit my teeth as the calories in my body began burning and what was once a flabby stomach had been turned into a very defined six pack. I also grew a couple of inches and boy did that shit fucking hurt. I could now hear even a pin drop and my mind was working faster. I guess Batman's over two fifty iq wasn't for nothing.
It worked. My first wish had worked. I ran to Ethan Rayne's shop and broke the fucking statue before any kids died. While I might have allowed this shit to happen, I was not cool with letting unneeded suffering occur.
I punched Ethan in the face and knocked him out. I couldn't kill him or Eghyon might kill Giles and while Giles had his fault, Ripper, Eghyon, the Faith situation…He was still a good man that did his best to help Buffy and without him, I fear she might die and so I just knocked Ethan Rayne out and gave him two peak human level kicks to the balls for good measure. My own little revenge as a viewer for all the bad shit that he did.
I checked the mirror to see that the costume had turned back into a batman one but the body was still the same. A mix of me and bruce's. YES!! Fuck you darkness. This was my perfect victory. Ha Ha.
I found myself back in the darkness. In that damn house with that damn darkness.
"What have you done," it growled.
"I'm still human level," I smirk.
"You got me there. You manipulated the rules and now you have the potential to change that world." I laughed.
"So can I go back?"
"You still tricked me and I quite like how that world developed so, I'll be sending you to the wishverse as Cordelia escapes it. You'll die and this time it won't be my fault but Cordelias. I can't take away your powers because the rules state so, so that is my happy compromise."
"Why?"
"You tricked me."
"But-"
He snaped his fingers and sent me into a middle hoard of vampires. I guess that it was time to use my third wish. I snapped my fingers and everything froze even the vampire that was about to be upon me. Fuck the darkness.
The Big G was looking at one of his creations, the Darkness. It had seen what it did and was angry. How dare it try and destroy such a pure soul by placing it in a reality that was breaking apart and just because the soul outsmarted him. If he'd wanted to not be outsmarted, he should have done everything manually and so the Big G teleported to the Darkness's realm.
"You dare."
The Darkness did not dare look up at the light because like Cthilu, God could make beings go mad and the Darkness did not wish to go mad.
"My lord, he tricked me. Y-"
"And?"
"B-Bu-"
"You sanctioned those wishes did you not. He followed your rules. He'll start off human level so why did you interfere? Do not also forget the fact that it was your fault he died and those meager wishes are less than what I ordered." Big G's voice boomed.
"I'm sorry."
"Your please will be ignored. For your crimes and mismanagement of the darkness, I sentence you to erasure."
God snapped his fingers and all the Darkness in the realm turned to light. God looked down at the wishverse. He wouldn't interfere. It was a law that HE had put in place and so it was one that HE should follow. He looked to the future to see whether the kid would survive. He smirked.
"Good luck kid."
"Hello, this is the author. It's the first fic I've written in a long while and I don't remember much about Buffy so please bear with me if things happen that shouldn't or I forget something. I thought it'd be fun to write a fanfic and I need feedback to improve my writing and so, here we go(I know I'm not Mario and that my humor can be kinda cringy)
I have no editor so if I have typos, fuck it. I just wrote this today and so, I hope I can get some Ideas and feedback and shit. Like if you know any cool items that my SI could get from the Buffyverse and shit or some characters that he could recruit on his team and all that jazz. Anyways thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it."(A few months ago)
Author; Hey, I'm just posting my story here from now.