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Chapter 5 - The foolishness of Youth: Journal Entry 4

I close my eyes and l teleport

To the place l want

To the people l need

I fantasize about what they would say to me

About what we would do together

About where we would go

About who l could be

And when l open my eyes

L realize how stuck l am

Not because l cant

But because l wont

Why cant l work for it

Why cant l be strong

Why wont l be strong

Is it all pointless

Will they always find me

Should l just give up

Every time l start to try, l quit before l even get far

I always break down

Do l not deserve it

Am l too far gone

Am l too stupid

If l dont fix this

If l dont work hard now

If l dont study

If l dont gain strength

L will never have what l want

I will never be free

I will never be happy