The procession of gloomy days is still going on. Its silence is terrible. Sometimes it seems that life is as beautiful as an imaginative poem, but sometimes it's as mysteriously frightening as a problem. We are going somewhere in the chariot of desires. None of us live the life we want to live. We are guided in some way or the other. So it gets somewhere. Finally, one day it goes out like a flame. Is this life beautiful?' Suzy wrote in her diary as she sat in her room in a hotel that operated in an ancient building.
Susie jumped up from her chair and went to the wall as she continued to hear the shrill sounds of lovers making love from the adjacent room partitioned off with gypsum board.
"Who are the devil's descendants making fun of with this wild performance?" She screamed and hit the wall hard a few times. With that, the sound of lust heard from the other room stopped.
When her lover left her and went with a man, she hated love, and hated men. After that, she looked at every fun of love in front of her with hatred. She saw the men who were its heroes as Satan of destruction. She had become a depressive when her love affair turned out to be a disaster.
As Suzy walked through the narrow room, wandering through her turbulent thoughts, she caught sight of words of lust and indignation that someone had written somewhere on the dirty wallpaper on the wall. She read some of it and wrote it down in one place.
'Love betrayal is the biggest cheating. Its great sorrow fills the mind with darkness and makes life inactive. The punishment for that treachery of mourning is death. That punishment must be carried out by shedding the blood of vengeance.'
Then next to it, she drew a picture of a knife that had been inserted into the heart symbol of love.
At night, when she went to a restaurant to eat, she met a Frenchman there, whom she introduced as the painter. He was sipping Mexican tequila.
"It is a drink of awakening. It stirs the cold veins and fills the mind with light. Then revelations will arise which are imaginations in the mind." He smiled at Susie sitting across from him. "Give me a chance to capture this beauty of yours on canvas. Your face looks like the Mona Lisa. It has a beautiful look that can't be defined whether it is a look of laugh or cry. It would be beautiful to create this look on canvas."
"I'm not here for fun. Came looking for someone." She said with a nonchalant expression, taking the cocktail glass in front of her in her hand.
"Oh, is that so? Who are you looking for on this island? I'd like to know if you don't mind."
"My friend who studied with me. She is not just my friend but my everything. We were meant to be together. But she left me and went with a man and became his wife."
"I understand the point. Lesbian love, right?" He laughed.
"You can define that however you want," Susie said without looking at him.
"Well, what's your name?"
"Susie." She paused and continued looking at him. "If you help me find her, I'll do what you asked, and I'll pose for you to paint. But I don't have any information that would help me find her. She is somewhere on this island."
"Did she come here to get away from you?"
"I think so."
"So can't you leave her? Do you want to run after a person who left you forever?"
"She cheated on me. So I must see her. I can't leave it as fun."
He recognized the anger in the tone and looked at Susie. He was silent for a while. Taking a piece of charcoal-grilled beef rib from the dishes in front of him, he turned to Susie with a grin as he bit into the meat. "Is lesbian love that intense? The resentment towards her is clear in your tone. It was that hatred that led you to cross the sea to Hawaii in search of her!"
"Any kind of love is intense if it is sincere. Sometimes we kill and are killed for it. There are no options in front of it because love is a kind of madness. Sometimes it turns into a wild madness that forgets the realities."
He stopped laughing at the fierce expression on Suzy's furious face.
"Well, I have some native friends here. Let's inquire them."
"If you can help me find her, you can draw a picture of me."
"I live in a resort on the outskirts of the city. It's a paradise with the purity of the Polynesian village, free from the city's hustle and bustle. I live in a hut covered with grass in a vast garden full of coconut trees near the tropical rainforests. It feels like we're living in a culture that's centuries away."
"I live in a cramped, shabby room in an ancient house. Those low-cost rooms are dark chambers of sin in which people seek the pleasure of unholy wild lust. It contains only the wild voices of human greed and sighs of lamentation. The illusion of purity has no place there. Holiness is a creation that we find to escape from the realities of fear. Where on earth is purity? We don't see everything with our eyes. If we could see everything, we, like the inventor of the microscope, would starve to death, contemplating the terrifying sights of the microscopic world of fungi and bacteria around us.
"It is true that we can only know a few things with our senses. God has hidden everything else from us. So if we look at those things that God has hidden, we will go crazy. All those sights are so terrible and strange." He paused and continued. "You are invited to that hut of mine. The owner of that resort is my friend. This native may be able to help you."
Susie accompanied him on his motorcycle. The motorcycle sped through the country road after passing the city rush. Under the sky covered with rain clouds, the darkness was eerily full. He was singing a song along with the heavy sound of the bike.