Humans would at least wonder once in their lifetime about what comes after death.
Would they be welcomed with an eternal life for those who believed in god?
Would they perhaps be embraced by the undying illumination and holy presence of the Goddess of Light, Illumisona?
Or would they meet everlasting hell for those who blasphemed against the unfathomable higher power after being judged rightfully by the God of Death, Lugorath?
Some even wondered, would they simply undergo the divine process of reincarnation with no memories of their past life as per the strict doctrine of the Goddess of Secrets, unknown?
Or would 'we' ultimately return to where we came from—to ashes?
I, Zil van Avernus, the talentless bastard of the Avernus Clan, had thought of these questions countless times during my years on the ceaseless battlefield against the monstrosities born from this world's evil.
I wished for my dead comrades to truly find solace as some of them perished with smiles rather than horror.
Some of them didn't even feel agonizing pain—quick or rather instant death was and would always be a soldier's silent wish in times of cruel and unforgiving wars.
Among these questions that may have been a coping mechanism for humans, that they would eventually achieve true peace after death, I never thought I would arrive at one question I barely thought of.
Nothingness.
What if the moment we die, we become nothing?
This was what I thought upon opening my eyes in complete darkness.
I couldn't see anything yet the atmosphere felt so unbearably cold.
My feet were nowhere near the ground, at least that's what my senses were telling me...
Senses?
Were dead people could even think let alone have a sensation?
That's when I realized, instead of touching something with my feet, it was that my entire being was assimilating with the atmosphere, embraced by nothingness, cradled by void.
Simply put, I was floating in the midst of darkness with nothing but my thoughts as an arguable proof that I may be still alive.
...What's happening?
Even though I knew that my eyes seemed intact, along with every other part of my body, there was just no source of light to at least confirm everything.
And in this darkness that seemed eternal, amidst cold winds seemingly coming from everywhere, fear began to settle in every fiber of my being.
What if what I'm experiencing right here, right now, was incessant, trapped in darkness until I go insane?
I serenely muttered to myself,
"Is this... my punishment?"
My life was full of regrets, and I was eventually robbed of child-like innocence as I inevitably learned the ways of the world.
The battlefield quickly re-shaped my linear perception, and as time passed, it seemed I have turned into a man not worthy of taking care of my mother.
Sadly, and tragically so, only through her agonizing death that a part of my humanity was rekindled, albeit too late.
As I was drowned with my pitiful thoughts of being worthless, still unable to properly perceive my surroundings, something happened...
It was at that moment that a dream world shattered, giving illumination to the dark world of uncertainty.
My widened and stupefied eyes gazed at what was in front of me, seeing what resembled enormous distorted cracks of space, leaking dark-purple-hued mist.
The illuminated unfathomable scenery surrounding me was neglected upon the arrival of this sudden light, and what was in front of me was something my eyes couldn't help but lock on.
What peeked from these cracks was a slumbering massive amethyst eye.
So gigantic and vast that it could easily overshadow the world.
"Wh-what..."
I was at a loss for words, witnessing something my mind, in the slightest, could not comprehend.
Upon blurting out such a word, as though it served as a noise against the peaceful sleep of whatever this ominous entity was, the lone eye gradually opened.
My entire existence froze as if I shouldn't have seen something so immaculate.
And the next moment I knew...
"Wake up."
As if it adjusted its own language or granted me the ability to understand it, I heard the very word, too clear yet so vague, that was synonymous with what my heart desired.
I didn't know where such a voice came from, but it sounded like a tranquil whisper and indeed feminine.
"Hehe."
In this void of infinite distance, as if "She" was finding something amusing, I heard a playful giggle.
And before I could process whatever the hell this was, the cracks from where the entity peeked continued with its shattering.
Crack...!
I was then welcomed with a new reality.
***
"Wake up, Young Master Zil!"
Splash!
With a young familiar voice accompanied by a bucket of cold downpour, my body was jolted awake.
"HA–!"
As if I had just woken up from a long-lost nightmare full of misery, my vision landed on a young girl around fourteen years old, along with a hovering glowing blue fish circling her—a kind of elemental beast.
"Huh...? Y-Young Master, are you alright? Did you have a nightmare?"
Seeing the confused and somewhat darkened expression painted on Zil, the young maid began to misunderstand a few things, which prompted her to bow her head in almost an instant.
"Forgive me, Young Master! M-Miss Clara—"
However, before the young maid could make a reasonable excuse, I quickly ran out of the room, my feet lighter, but my heart becoming heavier.
Mother!
I wasn't sure what had just happened.
The lone cosmic eye. The space of darkness. The words telling me to wake up followed by a playful giggle.
Was everything really just a nightmare?
That's what I hoped for. But I knew very well that this wasn't the case as everything I experienced was too real.
Being mocked as a talentless son who couldn't even tame a low-rank beast.
My years of service on the battlefield that was all maybe for naught.
That after doing what was demanded of me, I was cruelly met with my mother's hanging body—dead.
Everything was real, which left me with an only explanation...
With a palpitating heart, I ran through the spacious hallway of the Shadow Palace and then barged on the door of my mother's room.
There, I saw a lively bright woman with shoulder-length auburn hair seated at the intricate wooden desk with a needle, thread, and some sort of fabric in her hands while the morning light basked through the window.
"Zil? Again with drenched clothes! I told Syr to wake you up, why—"
Before my mother could finish uttering another word, I continued to run and lunged forward to embrace her.
"M-mother!"
"H–Hey?! Zil, what's the problem? Did Syr went too far?"
Without holding myself back, as my emotions seemed to have also returned before it became as hard as immovable stones because of seeing endless deaths, I deeply cried in her arms.
"Z-Zil...?"
My mother—before she had gotten sick due to unknown causes—was reasonably bewildered by my sudden outburst.
However, as a genuine mother connected to her son's heart, whatever had happened, whatever things her son couldn't tell, show, or feel within, Clara van Avernus chose to remain silent as she gently caressed his back.
***
I returned to the past without some sort of logical explanation apart from clues that were all too complex for my brain to understand.
Moreover, as I embraced my mother, letting out my emotions, I noticed an unfamiliar ring rightfully inserted on my right ring finger.
"Hello."
I don't know... But it seems to have been whispering to me.