**7th of June 2055, Dover, Southern Shore of UCN Stronghold 11**
Casper's eyes glazed over. He wasn't present; his mind was back in the classroom with Harrison replaying every word. Was it something he said? Maybe his tone? Casper had no way of knowing, but he looped the day in his head. Perhaps if he could identify some sort of aberrant pattern or broken rule, he might get a clue as to how he'd ruined things. He knew it wouldn't work, it never did. But he couldn't help looking back on their conversations, trying to find subtext, like a blind man searching for colour. He ran the scene once more.
"Cass?"
Johan's voice sucked him out of his spiral, and Casper found himself back in the meadow. He heard the birds. Since Johan told him about Harrison, He'd been barely conscious; deep in over-thought. Conversations with his brother served as a dim beacon of lucidity in the abyssal mess of his mind, piloting him as he obsessed.
"Oh... What's up?"
"Stand up. I'm gonna run some drills with you"
Casper unfurled his legs and stood up. The second he moved, he was immediately reminded of the stiff fabric encasing his body. The uniform creased jaggedly into his skin and suffocated pockets of hot air up and down his body. He felt like he was imprisoned from the neck down in a jumpsuit made of cheap card.
He tried to smooth out the discomfort but whenever he adjusted a new discomfort would assault him.
"Why did you make me wear this?"
"Because you'll need to wear it during the physical and it has a couple of holds you'll need to watch out for."
Casper snorted with derision.
"Listen to me and we'll get through this quick." said Johan
Casper remained quiet but surrendered his full attention
"Okay. Do you still remember your fundamentals at all?"
"Um... yeah"
"Good. Bring your guard up and remember your footing"
Casper took a stance similar to Emily however, he was stiff, feet flat on the ground. He stayed completely still, flexing his whole body and pressing his knuckles white.
"That's not it, mate. You've got to relax, stay on your toes"
Casper stood on his tiptoes like he was wearing high heels.
"No. like, bounce on the balls of your feet. Stay light so you can move quickly."
Casper gyrated up and down awkwardly
Johan groaned. He broke down the movements to the smallest detail and explained them to Casper. After several minutes, Johan was at last, satisfied with his brother's stance.
"Right, let's try a punch," said Johan, holding out his palm.
"You want me to hit you?"
"I want you to hit my hand. Just proper go for it"
It had been years since Casper last attempted to throw a punch, but after a few sheepish tries and some light coaching, he performed them with a surprising speed and deftness.
"Good, I'll start moving my hand now. Try to keep the rhythm."
Emily, still sprawled on the floor, had caught her breath. She rolled to her side and watched a while, before strolling over to the boys.
"Wow, he actually looks okay," said Emily with genuine astonishment
Johan, misinterpreting, shot her a glare.
"No! I mean um..." she stammered, then sighed. "You're doing well, Casper."
Johan began mixing up the angles, and Casper adjusted.
"Hm." squeaked Emily.
Johan signalled for his brother to stop and turned to his friend.
"What's the matter?" retorted Johan.
"It's honestly nothing," said Emily, doing her best not to offend Johan further
"He's doing really well; If you're going to be an arsehole you can go"
Now slightly panicked Emily pleaded her case "I swear I wasn't trying to be rude. I just always pictured Casper as a lefty."
Casper spoke up, "I can use either".
Johan, embarrassed for snapping, said "Oh... sorry, Ems". He quickly changed his expression to one of realisation.
"Cass, reckon you could swap stances so that your right foot is forward instead?"
"Um okay"
He did a hop and switched feet.
"Okay let's run it again"
Casper remained just as effective in Southpaw as in Orthodox.
"Amazing!" exclaimed Johan. "You might get away with the exam, Cass"
"Again, not being rude, but he doesn't seem to be any better left-handed" interjected Emily.
"Sure, but he's not worse," enthused Johan.
"I'm confused," said Casper
"Me too" added Emily.
"Think about it for a second, who in our squad is left-handed?" posited Johan
"I dunno," said Casper
"Nobody, I can think of," said Emily
"Exactly! Most of them will have little to no experience fighting someone who is left-handed"
"Oh, so it'll cut down the difference in experience?" asked Emily
"Yeah! And he can hit well enough so we're halfway there" said Johan
"Sorry, half-way? What's the other half?" questioned Casper.
"You need to learn how to take a hit," said Johan
"Johan, I don't think I want that," stated Casper
"Too bad, sucker!" teased Emily, punching her hand.
Casper shuffled behind his brother for safety
"Sorry Cass, but she's right."
-----
Casper pouted on the walk home. He didn't expect someone so much smaller than him to hit him so hard. His cheek still stung and his arms had bruised, but he held up well enough against Emily to feel vaguely confident. The street was saturated in sideways summer light as late evening settled in the sky and the air cooled.
Johan and Emily chatted several paces ahead of Casper.
"So... how you feeling?" asked Johan
"Better, I'm still worried about the shooting, though."
"but you're a good shot."
"Yeah, I mean I'm okay. It's the assembly that always throws me,"
"Ah. Yeah. It's a bitch."
"Oh wow! doth mine ears deceive me? Or did Cadet Seargent Oh-So-Perfect just admit he doesn't know better?" she said, playfully bumping his shoulder.
"Oh, piss off. "
Emily giggled. "Out with it then," she followed.
"What?"
"Your sage advice on how to solve all my problems. Tell me about how when you were thirteen a magical pigeon shat on a cat and it gave you weapon-cleaning superpowers and you learned a lesson about yourself along the way."
"No such luck, I'm afraid. I still find it quite hard whenever I have to learn the assembly protocol for a new gun."
"Seriously? Wow..." she mouthed at him, feigning disappointment.
"Mm."
"So how'd you cope?"
"Repetition. do it right until you can't get it wrong"
"There it is,"
"There's what is?"
"The sage advice"
"It's not advice, it's just what I did,"
"Fat lot of good that does me," she chided.
"Yeah well, you can't be the best at everything. Besides, life would be boring if you were."
Emily snickered
"What?" asked Johan, frowning.
"You!" she said, still laughing.
"What?" he said, returning her shoulder bump.
"You're so dramatic"
"I'm dramatic?"
"Um... yes! Anytime anyone comes even near you with a problem, you get all serious and start waxing poetic,"
"I-I do not!"
Emily began grumbling in a low voice. "I am Johan! Do it right 'til you can't get it wrong! life is hard and complicated but you have to try and get some perspective!" she drawled.
"Okay now you're chatting nonsense"
"It's not a bad thing," she said in her usual register. "I bet it's the reason Smith picked you to be CS... Although sometimes, and please don't take this the wrong way, it seems a little performative."
"Are you serious? After I just spent my entire evening trying to help you out, you think I'm trying to show off?"
"No! That's not what I meant... I just... When was the last time you talked to someone about your problems?"
"I'm fine, Emily."
"Really?"
"Mm-Hmm"
"So you're not at all tired or stressed or running off to secret meetings"
"A little tired. No more stressed than anyone else. No idea what you're on about"
"Earlier today? You and Ruaridh 'doing NCO stuff' in some bigwig's office, which was an obvious lie."
"That's what we doing."
"Yeah? Well asked Smith after the debrief if you two needed any help and he had no idea what I was talking about."
"Probably because it's none of your business. You're not an NCO."
"Whatever, I don't care about the meeting. I care that my friend never talks to me about what's going on in his head."
"Honestly, I'm fine. I'm fine with pressure."
"Well, what happens to Mr Cool when the pressure gets too high?"
"It won't. I can handle it."
"Okay fine!"
Johan and Emily looked away from each other. Johan turned.
"Em." Johan whispered.
Emily turned.
"I'm really worried about Casper."
Emily gave a soft smile and laughed through her nose, "Of course you are."
The pair kept walking while Casper trailed them. Eventually, Emily turned off and waved good bye.
The boys arrived home to see their mother running around the kitchen. A tall slender woman, she shared Johan's features and Casper's thick, wavy black hair. Her skin was olive and her eyes a gentle brown. She had bony hands and prominent veins. Soft laugh lines crested her tired face.
"Ah boys, I'm late for work, have you seen my keys?"
Casper ignored her and went straight to his room. Johan replied "You left them in the bathroom for some reason. I put them on the on the fireplace."
"Ohh, you're a lifesaver!" she tottered over and kissed her son before scrambling through to the living room to get her keys. "Tell your brother dinner is in the fridge, loveyoubye!" She was out the door like a shot.