He's younger than I am. By three years. This is the most significant thing about him. At twenty-two, people tell me that I am so young all the time. What they actually mean to say is that I'm young for an adult. That I'm not thirty—the horror. And I'm not anywhere close to my forties. Thank God. 

In my twenties, I can't imagine that there are people younger than I am. Living, breathing human beings who aren't even old enough to drink in the country I am from. What do you mean? The legal drinking age is literally eighteen. So, you're not even seventeen? 

I've grown comfortable with being the youngest in my generation and never had to fathom what it means to be an older sister, an aunt, or older friend. 

Age doesn't matter until I'm the oldest in the room and everyone else is getting phone calls from their mum, asking when they'll be home. When everyone else has a curfew and I can't even remember the last time my parents were in the same room as me. We hardly even talk. I'm at a party organized by a kid younger than my brother and he was born in '04. Am I going insane? Why won't these fetuses get out of my chat box?

"What do you do when you like someone in your class?" Swivels in his computer chair while he reads the comments on screen during his Weverse live and it's all so casual for him. In that moment, he's not thinking about the day he'll be too old for someone. He's got I'm the youngest in the room syndrome and, God, do I envy him? "Well, in that case, you just have to attack. Goodluck."

Kill me now. What does he even know about dating? She's right: It's easy for him to say. He's literally a K-pop idol. He's prettier now that he's gone through puberty. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that…

Don't think about it. I'm not thinking about it. But, hypothetically speaking, because I'm allowed to do that occasionally, does he ever think about that part of his life? Like, things can't always be about dancing and making amazing music and hanging out with his super famous Korean celebrity friends all the time. Right? 

I didn't start dating until I was nineteen. He's the perfect age. Not too old. Not too young. Given that we aren't all operating on the same timeline and he's been a working member of society since he was fucking sixteen, things like dating might look a little different for him. Why am I tormented about this?

Three years shouldn't be an issue, but he's a teenager and I'm an adult and that means it's a completely different issue. There's no way in hell I can allow myself to have an improper thought about the man. 

The most significant thing about him is that he's younger than I am. Is the fact that I wouldn't dishonour myself by engaging with him inappropriately. It would have meant the world to younger me to have people like this in her life. People who respected youth. The innocence of youth. At twenty-two, despite the feelings I have for him, it's the only thing I can give him. He is too young, and that should be respected.