Mentioning his name was akin to calling over some heavenly tribulation, but alas, that was only for me. The world was regrettably still whole, and time still moved, refusing to cooperate with my pleas.
I took a deep breath and looked back at Jasper while locking Lucian's waist in a vice-grip. Not that I could kill him, but maybe I could at least expedite it.
"So this is the guy, huh?" Someone, just please zip his trap.
In a last-ditch attempt to shut Jasper up, I hurriedly remind him, "I did say that there hasn't been any progress worth mentioning. So I hope you don't make the guest feel uncomfortable." I even smiled for posterity's sake.
I admit, I'm panicking.
His silence and cooperation, well more like lack of obstruction, is even more alarming than him totally debunking everything. I shuddered at how expensive this was going to be, and every word that came out of Jasper's mouth added up towards my growing debt to Lucian. So I decided to run while I was still ahead.
"Anyway, we should stop blocking the hallway, students are about to come rushing in." While half-tugging and practically hauling Lucian away, I signaled to Rina who thankfully grasped our exit cue.
I could still hear Jasper's persistent calls of "heys", but I knew better than to entertain any more of his questions.
I'm power-walking towards the parking lot while Lucian's strolling as if on vacation. He's trying to stew me over. Unable to prevent grimacing over the thought, I even considered grabbing the car key from his pocket.
Probably having an inkling of how far I'm willing to go, he graciously allowed us into the car without much fanfare.
I should have felt better, getting away from prying eyes and that blabbering cheater, but the scrutinizing glare I'm getting feels far worse. Rina has also decided to sacrifice me by sitting at the back, now I have to face him head-on.
"Go and open the floodgates." I disdainfully looked at him, this time maintaining eye contact.
With his legs apart, back lazily resting on the car seat, Lucian finally asks, "So how fucked are you?"
Deigning to answer right away, I look towards the backseat, waiting for my dear friend's confession, which she hastily offers.
"Sorry! I panicked hard!" Practically melting like jelly all over the center console of the car, Rina proceeds to explain her earlier brain fart.
"I couldn't think of anyone else at all! Then just as I was about to ask for help, I looked over and saw how you two looked right." Rina waved her hands around as if that was going to help make sense of it. She looked over at Lucian's raised eyebrows and went for another explanation.
"You guys looked legit. Really believable!"
"Earlier, I really wanted to say Richard's name but he kept turning into a squid in my brain after seeing you guys next to each other." Rina kept squiggling towards me in a bid to ask for forgiveness.
Openly assessing me, Lucian squinted as if suddenly understanding something.
"I'm guessing you lied about being in a relationship? And now Rina's managed to make it even worse?"
"No. Well, not exactly." Okay, that stung.
"I only mentioned liking someone, I even emphasized that there's been no development in that department." Exasperated, I tried defending my impulsive actions.
"Who would've thought that little Miss Goody Two Shoes would be caught up in such a lie?" Lucian bore into me, hitting all my sore spots and I couldn't help but turn red while feeling a whole lot of green inside.
I hate lying. I've always been the kid inwardly hated by others for exposing childish scams. It wasn't like I was incapable of lying. I was just raised to value honesty above all else.
My parents never once asked for excellence, nor did they ever require me to churn out achievements. All they wanted was honesty. Now look at how far I've strayed.
So I couldn't even argue back because he's right.
Even karma acted fast.
"Why would the pride of Thornhill even need to conjure up such a lie?" He continued to inquire, his clear eyes demanding a reasonable explanation for all of this.
"Because Alexa would never stop unless I resorted to something like this."
"Alexa?" Lucian asked, and I remember how this obnoxious guy deletes anyone deemed worthless by his standards.
"The snotty kid who kept on professing her undying love for you." Rina hurriedly added.
"Which one?" Lucian retorted with a blank expression.
To hell with this guy! If he didn't look like that, he'd sound conceited as fuck. I snorted at his question but still responded, "The hamster-napper and also the one who stole Mr. Fuzzy's house."
"Ah. Crocodile tears." Lucian seemed to finally recall her.
Sorry Alexa, Mr. Fuzzy seems to rank higher than you.
"Yeah! That's her!" Suddenly infuriated, Rina proceeded to explain what happened.
"So you're telling me that grease-ball used to be Eli's fiance? But then he cheated on her with the crocodile, so now they're concerned that he's hooking up with Eli behind their backs?" With a bizarre expression, he turned to ask me, "Have you gone blind?"
"Don't even get me started. It was arranged." I refuse to take any more hits so I stop him from imagining wild scenarios.
"I'm beyond glad that I didn't personally pick Jasper. But they don't believe that."
"Oh?"
Looking over at Lucian who has been driving for a while now, I finally admitted a part of my grievances.
"Alexa has been forcing me to admit to loving Jasper. A question here and there would've been normal, but she's been adamant for a year and a half now."
"She thinks she can ruin you emotionally." Rina disdainfully added.
Recalling Alexa's antics, it's clear that she's just competing. She wants to be picked and is hell-bent on being favored by the people she thinks I value.
"Alexa has been bolder recently, going as far as trying to brainwash me into betraying Eli." Clutching onto my seat, I felt bad for Rina who has had to experience such a thing.
She's after everyone I seemingly hold dear. How unbelievably childish and cruel.
"Jasper's value exists for as long as they believe that I was once in love with him. But since they don't seem to get it in their brains that that's impossible, I'll just have to materialize someone else."
"With a personality as predictable as her, she's going to go after every person you'd strongly associate with."
Looking at the rapidly changing scenery around me, I confirmed his statement. It's why nothing much has been constant. She's even gone as far as to take away opportunities. If my parents hadn't been sensitive to such behaviors, even they could've fallen into the trap.
Then what about Lucian, would he be capable of resisting her? I glanced at him as I pondered over his ability to resist, only to realize that he hadn't even agreed to anything. Who else if not him?
The rest of the trip wasn't as eventful, mainly because Rina and I ended up sleeping it off. I haven't had a good sleep for a while now so I was easily knocked out.
I was so tired that by the time Lucian woke me up, Rina had long been sent home.
With eyes a bit blurry from having just woken up, I realize that I've been sent home for the weekend.
Just as I grabbed my things, Lucian spoke up.
"Now tell me, what did you actually want from this?"
He didn't ask about my plans nor did he ask about revenge. Come to think of it, What did I want to get out of this?
I want her to stop.
I want to stop feeling like I need to leash everything, afraid that once I wake up, they'll be taken away. Worse, I want to stop fooling myself into thinking that it's okay to lose people and things. That they could be taken away because they weren't meant for me.
I've always prided myself on being strong and independent. But if I'm being honest, I've been restraining my anger, allowing them to disrespect me and the people around me to this extent. I'm sorry, grandma. I still ended up a doormat.
"I want to be able to breathe." I finally tell him, resolute in what I want.
Noticing the change in my demeanor, Lucian observed me closer, waiting for words that were definitely to follow.
"I need you for this. Name your price."
And as a smirk slowly formed on his lips, I reckon that maybe, just maybe, this was what it felt like to make a deal with the devil.