It was lunchtime at Westbrook High, the typical high school in the middle of LA, but to Jean Cruz and his friends, it was prime time for their favorite debate: waifus. They huddled around their lunch table at the edge of the cafeteria, where they could speak freely without much interference.
Jean, a slender 16-year-old with messy black hair and a camo hoodie, sat between his four friends, all as equally invested in their heated debate about My Dress-Up Darling and Chainsaw Man.
"I'm just saying, Marin's got that perfect waifu energy," Evan argued, his anime graphic tee stretched over his tall, lanky frame. He leaned forward, eyes bright with enthusiasm. "Like, she's hot, but she's also supportive, you know? Totally wife material."
"Bruh," Luca scoffed, flicking one of his rings as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Makima from Chainsaw Man is a whole other level. She's got that psycho energy, but in a way that, like... controls you, man. It's sexy as hell." He grinned, trying to look as cool as he could muster, which wasn't saying much.
Jordan snorted, leaning back in his seat. "So, what, you're all about chicks who'll crush your balls? That's not sexy, fam. That's terrifying. Give me Zero Two from Darling in the Franxx any day." He spread his arms wide as if Zero Two was right there.
"Y'all are wild," Ty mumbled, adjusting his leather jacket. His dark eyes gleamed as he spoke, a low, unsettling smile stretching across his face.
"Hinata from Naruto—she's got that cute, innocent vibe... but you just know there's something under the surface." He leaned in a little closer, making the group shift uncomfortably. Jean, his cheeks flushed from just listening to them, finally spoke up.
"Uh... honestly, I think Rem from Reis, like, the best. She's loyal, strong, and she's got that blue hair. Plus... she just understands Subaru, you know?" His voice was barely above a mumble, but his friends nodded in approval. Evan nudged Jean's arm. "My guy, that's wholesome as hell."
Their waifu deliberations went uninterrupted, their voices a mix of laughter and over-the-top appreciation, until the cafeteria suddenly grew quieter. Jean looked up, his heart sinking as he spotted the approaching group of jocks and cheerleaders. Leading the pack was Brad Thompson, the school's star quarterback. He wore a sleeveless athletic shirt that clung to his muscular arms, paired with designer jeans that looked like they had cost a month's worth of allowance. His dirty blonde hair was styled to perfection, his square jaw set in that ever-smug grin that made Jean's stomach churn. Beside him was his girlfriend, Chloe Blake, her long blonde hair swishing in a high ponytail. She wore a fitted tank top with her cheer uniform skirt, showcasing her large buns and an impeccable tan. Chloe's blue eyes flickered with disdain as she typed away on her phone, barely giving the group a glance. Brad smirked, flanked by the rest of his football crew, all broad-shouldered and grinning like they owned the school. He threw an arm around Chloe, who barely looked up, still scrolling through her phone.
"Well, well, well... if it isn't the virgin squad," Brad sneered, his voice dripping with mockery. His friends snickered, looking down at the weebs as if they were nothing more than a bad smell.Jean felt his face heat up as he looked away, wishing he could shrink into his seat. Evan tensed beside him, his fists clenching around his lunch tray.
"What's up, losers?" Brad continued, glancing over the group with feigned curiosity. "What's the topic of today's jerk-off session? Which hentai girl you'd rather get with?"
Luca, never one to back down, put on his best "I'm too cool for this" face. "Ain't no one talking to you, Brad. We're just chillin', minding our own business."
"Oh, yeah? Looks like you're just hyping up more anime babes you'll never even get close to, huh?" Brad's gaze flickered to each of them, a smirk tugging at his mouth. "No wonder none of you are getting laid. You'd rather jerk off to cartoons than talk to real girls."
The jocks laughed, a few clapping Brad on the back as if he'd just scored a touchdown with his insult. Jean could feel the anger bubbling inside him, but his voice caught in his throat. He wanted to say something—anything—but the words wouldn't come.Evan's eyes narrowed, and he muttered, "You don't know shit about us."
"Oh, I know enough," Brad sneered, stepping closer. "Like how you're all in love with some chick who doesn't even exist. Seriously, man, you ever think about how sad that is? No wonder you guys are all walking clichés. I bet your little 'waifus' are the only action you get." He snorted. "Tell me, Evan, do you cuddle up with your anime body pillow at night?"The other jocks cackled, some even high-fiving each other. Ty, who usually kept quiet, let out a low growl, glaring up at Brad."Man, fuck off. You don't know anything about what we like."
"Damn, scary!" Brad laughed, his smug grin widening as he looked Ty up and down. "What are you gonna do? Stare at me 'til I die?"Jean could feel his friends' anger radiating off of them. Jordan, usually the jokester, muttered under his breath, "I swear, one day this guy's gonna get his ass handed to him."
Just then, Chloe looked up from her phone, glanced around with a dismissive roll of her eyes, then went back to typing. It was like she hadn't even noticed them, as if they were so beneath her, they weren't worth a second glance.Brad smirked again, grabbing her waist and pulling her close. "Come on, babe. Leave these dweebs to their fantasies." He gave one last sneering look at the group.
"Have fun, virgin squad." As the jocks walked away, laughter echoing behind them, Jean's friends sat in simmering silence. Jordan was the first to break it. "Dude, I'm so sick of that asshole. Every damn day he's gotta come over and flex like we're impressed or something."
Evan shook his head, still clenching his tray. "I swear, he's got nothing better to do than to shit on us every day. Like, get a life, man."Ty let out a slow, unsettling laugh. "The irony is, he's got the personality of a cardboard box. Chloe's probably only with him 'cause he's got a football jersey."
"Yeah, well, he still thinks he's God's gift to women," Luca muttered, running a hand through his dreadlocks in frustration. "Like, bro, just 'cause you bench-press doesn't mean you're interesting."
Jean swallowed hard, finally finding his voice. "I just don't get why they have to keep coming over here. It's like... they can't just leave us alone."Jordan leaned forward, grinning mischievously. "Alright, but for real, is anyone else convinced Brad's only that ripped because he's roiding up? Like, there's no way he's that big naturally. Dude probably injects it into his ass every morning." Evan snickered, his eyes lighting up with wicked amusement.
"Right? And we all know what that does...makes his dick smaller than a Tic Tac. Bet he's compensating 'cause Chloe's probably out there comparing him to everyone else." Luca cracked up, banging his hand on the table.
"Dude, you're so right. He's out here thinking he's a god, but imagine trying to flex with that kind of 'equipment.' Like, bro, no wonder he's always pissed. "The group dissolved into laughter, each adding their own twist to the joke.
"Bet Chloe only sticks around 'cause she can milk him for money," Ty muttered, his unsettling grin returning. "I mean, you guys have heard the rumors, right?" Jordan raised an eyebrow, leaning in with a wicked grin.
"About her being the school thot? Please, man, everyone's heard that. She's probably got a list of 'extra credit assignments' she does after hours."
"Oh, she's getting those A's alright," Evan cackled. "Bet her report card isn't the only thing she's been 'working on' with the teachers."Jean blushed, laughing a little too hard.
"Y'all are wrong for that." Luca snorted. "Nah, man, we're just telling it like it is. Why else would she be passing Mr. Grant's history class? We all know she never studies."
Jordan gave a mock gasp, covering his mouth in feigned shock. "I bet she's got the answers right in her mouth, if you know what I mean."
The group broke down again, some high-fiving each other as they leaned into the joke. For all of them, roasting Chloe and Brad was like therapy, a way to get back at the people who constantly put them down.Ty, whose gaze had drifted across the room, suddenly smirked. "Speaking of teachers with racks...Ms. Heather's got enough for all of us. Man, I'd be taking notes every day if she were teaching my class."
"Oh, bro, facts!" Jordan agreed, his face lighting up. "She tries to keep it classy, but she can't hide all that. I swear, every time she leans over to help someone, it's like..." He made an exaggerated, wide-eyed expression, causing the others to snicker.
Evan chimed in, barely able to contain himself. "You know, she's probably the only reason half the guys are even passing English. No one's paying attention to Shakespeare when she's in the room."
Jean tried to play it cool, but even he had to admit he'd noticed Ms. Heather's "charms" once or twice. "I mean...she's just, like, really helpful," he muttered, a nervous chuckle escaping." Oh, come on, Jean," Luca teased, nudging him.
"Don't act like you haven't imagined her helping you out with some 'extra credit' of your own." The group burst out laughing again, making some of the nearby tables glance their way.
But they didn't care; they were in their own world, and it felt good to laugh off the frustrations. Just then, Evan spotted a familiar figure across the cafeteria. Brittany Summers, Westbrook's resident influencer and self-proclaimed "it girl," was in the middle of a TikTok livestream. She wore a tight crop top that hugged her generous curves and high-waisted jeans that accentuated her figure. Her pink-dyed hair was styled in loose waves, and she flashed her followers a practiced, dazzling smile, pausing every so often to blow kisses or make exaggerated expressions for the camera.
"Oh, look who it is," Evan muttered, rolling his eyes. "Brittany's doing her little TikTok thing again."Jordan chuckled, watching her as she dramatically posed, adjusting her pink hair with a practiced flick. "I swear, every single day. She's gotta be documenting every second like anyone actually cares."
"Hey, someone out there does," Ty said with a smirk. "She's got, what, 100,000 followers? Some poor bastards actually send her money just to watch her say 'hey, besties' on repeat."
Luca snorted. "Imagine being that desperate."
At this, Evan cleared his throat awkwardly, his cheeks turning pink. "Uh... I may or may not have, you know... donated ten bucks on her OnlyFans once."There was a beat of silence before the entire table erupted into laughter.
"No fking way!" Jordan howled, clutching his stomach.
"Evan! My dude! You're literally feeding the thirst machine!"
Evan tried to defend himself, hands up in protest. "Hey, hey, it was just once, alright? I was curious! And she... I dunno, she looked hot in that post."
Jean shook his head, grinning. "Bro, you don't even know her, and you're out here throwing money at her? That's... next level."
"Yeah, seriously, dude," Luca added, trying to catch his breath. "You're out here making fun of us for anime waifus, but at least we're not sending them money. You're basically simping for a girl who doesn't even know your name."
Evan groaned, burying his face in his hands. "Alright, alright, I get it. You don't gotta roast me for it."
Ty leaned in, smirking. "Hey, don't feel too bad. At least she's real. That's more than Brad can say for himself."The laughter resumed, their earlier tension melting away as they continued to joke, each dig a reminder that they had each other's backs.
Q: Have you watched HOTD?