Kierra's Pov:
Ever laid in your bed so late at night, thinking about well, nothing and everything? Well, if you haven't, then you should—it's really fun and calms the brain. I loved to do it every Friday night, but I guess the universe had other, bigger plans for me this particular Friday. Sadly, that calming activity would have to be postponed because I couldn't do that right now, against my better judgment. My jerk-face best friend dragged me to some party on the basis that high school is meant simply for partying and weekends are meant for having fun. I could have said no, but it's practically impossible to say no to him.
"I can't help but think of him every second of the day; he clouds my reasoning, he clouds my brain. Xander Thompson is really everything you want in a boyfriend—he's funny, kind, a badass, and not to mention, extremely hot. He's drool-worthy; Evergreen High's star student, you could say he was a Greek god. Practically all the girls at school wanted him. Sadly, this Greek god was my best friend and not my boyfriend.
It's sad to know that I can never ever tell him how I feel about him because, to him, I'll only be just a friend—well, actually, a best friend and the sister he never had.
Xander is a certified player; he never keeps a girl for more than a week. He just flashes them a smile, and they fall at his feet. After he's done, he drops them for his next catch. Strangely, it gives me a little comfort that he's yet to fall in love, and just a little hope that maybe someday he'll see me the way I see him.
"Hey, Bes, what's up?" he said in that playful tone of his, taking a seat by the bar beside me.
"Oh, you know, just being bored..." I emphasized, while he chuckled.
"You need to get laid, you know..." He said, while I choked on my punch (juice).
"Xander..." I seethed.
"Chill, Bes, I'm just kidding. You know I'll never let anyone hurt you..." He said, making my heart skip a beat.
"You're like my little sister..." He added, as the pain came back.
"Yeah, little sister..." I repeated, while he got comfortable.
"But seriously, you need to date someone. I mean, when was the last time you went on a date with a real guy? And don't give me lame excuses that no guy would want to ask you out, because that's a total lie. I'm not blind, you know..." He added, staring at me.
"Xander..." I said, as he brought up the topic of me falling in love.
Since I turned eighteen a few months back, Xander has been trying his best to get me to fall in love or something. Little does he know, I'm already in love with someone, and it's him. And I don't think I'll be forgetting about him anytime soon. I never really knew when I began developing feelings for him, but I know for a fact that I can't live without him. And how badly it hurts when he goes out with other girls—to think I have to watch him do it and bear all the pain, pretending like it doesn't affect me. But yet, I find myself breaking down when I'm alone or behind closed doors.
Don't get me wrong, I've tried a bunch of times to go out with guys, but it all ends badly. They can never make me feel the way Xander makes me feel. Too bad I'm wanting something that could never be mine.
"Bes, come on, just do it for me. One little date won't hurt at all. Then, if you don't like the guy, you can break up with him or something. Just try it, so you won't look so moody all the time, plus you'll be happy," Xander said.
"I am happy, Xander. I don't need to date anyone, you know..." I said, trying to reason with him.
"Please, Bes, just do it for me..." He added, with his cute puppy dog face.
"Alright, I'll try if you stop being a player," I said, knowing he could never agree to that, and then we could forget all about the whole conversation.
"Deal..." He said, making me jump out of my seat, shocked.
"What??"
"You go on a date with someone, and I promise my next relationship I'll try to make it last. I'll do anything for you; you should know that by now..." He said, grinning.
"So, Bes, we have a deal, right? You'll try and fall in love.""Umm, that girl behind you seems smitten with you; she can't keep her eyes off you," I said, stuttering, trying to change the topic.
True to my words, the girl behind me was staring really intently at us as we talked—well, more at Xander, of course. I'm used to girls ogling him and sending me killer glares as he pays all his attention to me.
"Oh, really? Is she pretty?" he said, grinning.
I looked back, and my heart tore into tiny pieces. She was not just pretty; she was really gorgeous—perfect curves, beautiful smile, exactly Xander Thompson's type of girl. Congrats, Kierra, Xander just found his new catch for the week, I thought sarcastically.
"Yeah, she's really pretty," I said, trying to keep myself from breaking down once again.
"Do you mind?" he asked, pleading.
"Nope, knock yourself out," I said, trying to sound unaffected.
My heart was supposed to get used to this by now; I mean, he does it at every party—he leaves me for a girl, shows up later with her number, and by Monday, they're already dating. It's the same stupid cycle every single time. Only this time, it's my fault he noticed her, and this time, I have a really bad feeling she's going to be different from the other girls he's gone out with.
Finally, it was time to go home; the party was nowhere near over—they usually go on till late at night, sometimes even up till dawn—but thankfully, my curfew was almost up, which means I have a solid excuse to get out of this party as soon as I could.
We came here in Xander's car—and by "we," I mean Xander and I. He was practically my personal driver, taking me to school and back, and then forcefully dragging me to lame parties every Friday, which has become a habit of ours.
One good thing came out of it—at least I got to learn how to drive because he'd always be tired after these parties, and I'd be the one to take us both home. Our parents were great friends, so spending the night at his house was no big deal; I've actually grown used to it already, and it has become a part of me.
Xander and the mystery girl disappeared into the dance floor practically minutes later; I mean, he didn't even need to do much—all he needed to do was smile, and he had her at his fingertips. And I lost him once again, and yet the pain only seems to multiply every single time.
"Okay, Bes, let's go..." Xander said, grinning, surprisingly not so drunk.
"Xander, you okay..." I asked, concern etched on my face, "Peachy, Kierra..." he replied, still grinning.
"Okay, so how was the dance..." I said, chuckling nervously.
"Oh, with Jennifer, it was great," Xander said, his eyes sparkling. Jennifer... I thought, my mind reeling.
"I even got her number; you know, we'll be seeing a lot more of her in the future," he continued. "I think I like her, Bes. Yeah, she's not so bad, not bad at all." He grabbed the keys, leaving me stunned.
Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer... I couldn't get her name out of my head throughout the whole drive. Xander tried his best to make small talk, but I was more worried that he was so smitten by a girl he met just a few hours ago. Maybe he's just excited, I thought. I mean, Xander is a player; there's no way he's going to stick with her for more than two weeks. And besides, he has Kate as his newest girlfriend, which means Jennifer has no chance whatsoever.
The car came to a halt at his house, and as usual, we would watch a movie till we fell asleep, then the next morning, I would head home. But I was in no mood to watch a movie or spend the night close to him because I was afraid I would burst into tears in front of him. I've gotten used to keeping my emotions in check, but sometimes I really just want to let it all out and cry like there's no one there.
"Umm, Xander, could you drop me off at my house?" I asked.
"But we're supposed to watch a movie, you know, just like we do every Friday night," he replied.
"Yeah, I just don't feel so well. I'm sorry; I'll see you Monday. Please, I just want to get some rest, that's all."
"What's wrong? Did someone try anything at the party? I swear I'll..." Xander started.
"No, no, no, Xander, it's fine. I'm just tired, that's all," I reassured him.
"You sure..." He said, staring intently.
"Yes, Xander, I'm sure. I just want to go home," I said tiredly, resting my head as the car moved in the direction of my house.
I remembered Friday night very vividly—Xander dropping me off at my house while I walked in like a zombie, barely able to say hi to my parents, who looked shocked because they were used to me spending the night at his house. But they said nothing and let me get some rest. I wasn't an only child, but since my brother was off to college, I guess one could say I was being treated like one.
Sadly, once again, it was Monday. Ugh, school again. I really wish Xander would forget about Jennifer and everything that had to do with her. Who knows, maybe he and Kate would work out. But I had a really bad feeling about Jennifer. Still, a part of me knew that Jennifer would appear in our lives again, and this time, she would come to stay.
'Morning, Mum, morning, Dad, bye, Mum, bye.... I said, rushing out the door, extremely late for school, as I met face-to-face with an impatient Xander. I took a minute to admire his look this morning; as always, he looked incredibly handsome in his outfit, even if it was just a simple T-shirt and jeans. Xander Thompson could pull off any look.
I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard a little honk, probably from his car.
"Hey, Bes, what's wrong?" he asked, staring at me.
"Oh, it's nothing; let's get going," I said, getting in as he drove off.
ニニニニニニ
By now, I'm already used to the crowd and stares we receive at school, not because of me—I was nowhere near popular—but because of Xander. What could I expect? He was the captain of the football team. So, like always, I would sneak past the crowd unnoticed and make my way to my locker to grab the books I need, then to the lab to bury my head in my books.
I opened up my locker to see a note carefully placed inside, possibly from the little hole underneath it. I didn't really possess any secret admirer, so I was really curious as to who would have dropped this.
"WHORES LIKE YOU DON'T DESERVE LOCKERS #YOU KNOW WHO#," I read out loud before tightening my fist. First, it was assaulting me in the restroom, then it was picking on me; now it was leaving stupid notes. This was getting out of hand, but sadly, I couldn't do anything about it.
It was the same silky story every time Xander's so-called girlfriends would get jealous of our closeness and then they would take it out on me. I couldn't do much since that would mean I would be the cause of their breakup, but I couldn't keep quiet either, since it would mean constant pain. So far, Kate has been the worst of them all. We all get the fact that she was the queen bee, but frankly, that really doesn't give her the right to pick on others.
But yet, I wouldn't be able to do anything about it, as always; I would just have to keep my feelings to myself and act like everything is fine when I'm broken inside.
"Hey, youuuuuuuuu!" Maya said, coming behind me as we headed to the lab. Maya was my second bestie, but Xander would never accept that fact. They would always argue about it for hours and hours.
"Hey, what's wrong? Xander trouble?" she said a little too loud.
Shhh, someone might hear, I said, placing my hands over her lips. She knew I was in love with Xander since I let it spill during one of our little girl-time confessions, and since then, she always tried to get me to tell him how I feel about him. She was my confidante and my pillow whenever I needed to cry, which was a lot because of Xander.
"What if they hear? So what? You need to tell him sooner or later," Maya said.
"But it has to do with him, right?"
"Hmm... Yes."
"Alright, alright, I'll try to convince you to tell him later. What's wrong?" Maya asked.
"This," I said, handing her the paper, as her eyes turned red reading them.
"Now this is the last straw, Kierra. It's either you tell Xander about this, or I assure you, I will. You can't let her treat you like this."
"No, Maya, you'll do no such thing. I can handle it."
"Handle it? First, it was insults; now your locker. Soon she'll be able to hit you, Kierra. You have to tell Xander."
"No, I'm not telling him, and it's final," I said, as the bell rang for the first lecture.
Ever since my little talk with Maya, I kept convincing myself that I shouldn't talk to Xander about it. I weighed the pros and cons and decided it would be of no use to let him know. After all, he'll only break up with her and move to the next girl, which would only bring me more pain.
Soon it was time for lunch. Usually, we sit at our own table—by "we," I mean Maya, Xander, and the football team, not all of them, but just some of Xander's close friends. I made my way to the cafeteria, strangely tired, to meet Maya already seated with a grin plastered on her face. That was really strange; usually, I'd be the next waiting for her while I spoke to Xander. But that wasn't what scared me; it was the note she held and the furious look on Xander's face.