I came to the Amusement park around 5 pm. We didn't have a designated time, but I guessed she would be coming around that time—I was right, I found her just coming down from a bus. She engrossed on her phone, muttering something.
"Yo."
"Hey Eiya, how are you doing?" she grinned.
"I'm good, what about you?"
"Oh me? I'm super excited."
"So, what was the urgent thing you wanted to talk about?"
"Let's finish the date first."
I have a feeling she just wanted to have a date.
The amusement park was alive with energy. Bright lights blinked rhythmically, music drifted through the cool evening air, and the excited chatter of students and even some staff blended into an almost magical atmosphere.
As we stopped through the gates, I glanced over at Aiya. She was already grinning, her eyes darting from one ride to the next like a kid at a candy store.
"This place is huge," she said, brushing a strand of her hair out of her face. "Where should we start?"
"You're the one who wanted to come, you decide," I shrugged.
"How about…the rollercoaster?" She grinned.
"Sure."
The line for the rollercoaster snarked around metal barriers, the sounds of the ride roaring overhead.
Aiya's excitement was contagious, even if I wasn't particularly moved by the sight of the towering steel tracks.
"You're not nervous, right? She teased, leaning in with a sly smile.
"Why would I be?" I replied, my voice calm.
"Good," she said. "Because this is going to be intense."
When it was finally our turn, she practically dragged me into the front seat. The safety bar clicked into place, and the ride began its slow ascent.
Aiya leaned forward, her hands gripping the bar, her pink hair in the wind. "Look at this view!!!"
"Yeah," I said glancing down. The height didn't faze me—I haven't been afraid for a long time—since I was seven.
I mean fear isn't as big as people make it to be. Fear is a natural emotional response designed to protect us from perceived danger, triggered by our brain's survival mechanisms, particularly the amygdala.
It activates the body's fight-or-flight functions; it is used to make the body aware of danger.
While fear is essential for survival, over the years it has become an oppressor rather than a savior.
Fear is made from perception, that is to say, anything you think will harm you will become something you fear. That is to say fear is not 'real' unless you make it real.
One famous social experiment that backs this claim is The Little Albert Experiment conducted in 1920 by John B. Watson and Rosalie Rayner.
They worked with an infant known as 'Little Albert.' Initially, Albert was unafraid of various stimuli, such as a white rat, rabbit, and other animals.
However, the researchers paired the sight of the white rat with a loud, frightening sound (striking a metal bar behind him). After several pairings, Albert began to fear the rat even when the noise was absent.
Albert's fear extended to other white, furry objects such as a rabbit or a fur coat.
This experiment teaches that fear can be learned and is irrational. Despite that, just as any other emotion, once you realize it's just a chemical reaction; getting over it is somewhat easy.
Despite all that, I still need to act a little nervous, or else people get weird about it.
As the rollercoaster plunged, I let out a carefully timed yell, just enough to blend in with the screams around us.
Aiya's laughter rang out beside me, pure and unrestrained, as the ride twisted and turned through loops and drops.
When we finally stumbled off, she turned to me, her eyes shining. "That was incredible! You screamed so loud!"
"Did I now? I have no memory of that," I said, raising an eyebrow.
"Don't even try to deny it," she said, poking my arm. "I heard you."
I smirked, it seemed I had fooled her.
After the rollercoaster, Aiya insisted on grabbing snacks. We found a food stall selling churros and hot chocolate, the smell of cinnamon and sugar wafting through the air.
"Here," Aiya said, handing me a churro. "Don't just stand there, try it."
I really like trying all this new food, before now I had only seen intsructors from there eat this food, at least they were kind enough to tell me the name of the snack.
I took a bite, the warm sweetness filling my mouth. "Not bad."
"Not bad?" She repeated, her eyes narrowing. "It's amazing, admit it."
She must really love churros. It's good but I would still prefer ice cream, preferably popsicle, to this.
I guess the instructors were wrong at one thing, churros aren't the best snacks in the world.
Well, it was hyperbole but still.
"Alright, it's good." I said flatly.
She laughed, taking a sip of her hot chocolate. "Relax, you're too serious."
"I hear you."
Next up was the haunted house, a dimly lit maze filled with actors dressed as ghosts, zombies, and various other horrors.
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Aiya asked, her tone playful.
"Are you?" I countered, holding the door for her.
The first scare came almost immediately—a bloodied zombie lurching out from the shadows.
Aiya screamed, clutching my arm, but her laughter followed just as quickly.
"That was so fake!" she said, though her grip on my sleeve didn't loosen.
"Pretty obvious," I agreed, though I kept my expression neutral.
As we moved through the maze, Aiya alternated between screaming at jump scares and laughing at herself for being startled.
I played along, flinching when appropriate, though nothing in the house was remotely frightening.
By the end, Aiya was grinning from ear to ear. "That was so much fun!"
"Glad you enjoyed it."
She raised an eyebrow. "You didn't get scared at all, did you?"
"Of course I did." I said, keeping my voice light.
"Liar."
It seems I had been caught.
The night was winding down when we reached the Ferris wheel, its colorful lights reflecting off the nearby water.
Before coming here, I didn't think I would be able to do any of this—it feels so surreal.
It seems I've reached my goal; I have a girlfriend and even friends.
But, I still feel the same way. I have not grown at all, everything is still not normal. Is it that I haven't tried enough?
Despite what I do, I'm still that boy that…
I'm still the same—the same person from 4 years ago. The same Nakamura Eiya.
"This is the perfect way to end the night." Aiya said as we climbed into one of the cabins.
The wheel began its slow ascent, lifting us above the park. From the top, the entire amusement park stretched out below us, a dazzling mix of lights and motion.
Aiya leaned forward; her hands pressed against the glass. "It's beautiful."
"Yeah." I said, though I was watching her, not the view.
I have a feeling she still has something to tell me.
"Right." She said leaning back in her seat; noticing I was looking at her and not the view. "W-W-Wait you were talking about me?" She blushed, her cheeks being as red as raspberries.
I nodded, indicating that she was right.
"So, why'd you want to go on a date today?"
"I-I-I want to break up," she looked outside the window.
What? Isn't that sudden?
"Why?"
"Because you're too boring," her voice turning cold and distant.
To be honest I've never heard her talk this way. She always sounds playful, so this is a shock—almost deceptive.
"Elaborate."
"You act like a textbook that you won't allow me to read."
"…"
"The few times where you do act interesting, it's when people aren't there."
What does that even mean? I wonder? Does she know about there? Probably not.
"…"
We sat in uncomfortable silence as the Ferris wheel completed its slow. For a moment, the world felt distant, the noise of the park muted by the height.
Aiya silently left when the Ferris wheel came down before she was out of earshot; I spoke.
"See you tomorrow, Suzuki."
"…"
Now that we weren't dating, I didn't want to call her by her surname, so people wouldn't misunderstand and think that we were dating anymore.
The walk back to the dorms was peaceful, I enjoyed the cool breeze.
I saw a classmate—that same purple-haired girl I saw outside the window on the first day, in the bushes, apparently her name was Yumemiya Aikawa.
I went to see what was up, the thing is if I was caught, I couldn't really explain what I was doing.
"Aiya has done her part. What's left is to get my class's student records."
I wonder who she's talking to, I doubt she's talking to herself.
"Good work, I trust you'll be able to handle everything."
"Yup, trust in me." Yumemiya giggled.
She was about to leave, so I left to my room.
I walked to school the same way I always did but today was a little different when I walked into class, my classmates gave me nasty stares.
Almost like I had done something unforgivable, like stealing a girl's underwear.
In class, Aiya was crying so I went to try and calm her down until—
Yoshida slapped my hand before I could touch Aiya.
"How dare you try to touch her after what you did?"
What did I do?
The class was in a murmur until Ito walked up to me, his eyes looked sad.
"Nakamura, did you try to rape Aiya?"
What?