Chapter 93
It was the first time anyone had ever seen Chae Eun-gyu make such an expression.
Yoo Minha stuttered for a moment, startled by his cold gaze.
"Ah, ah. That, that's not what I mean―"
"This is the midterm evaluation, and now all that's left is the last live broadcast. When is the next time? After the live broadcast? After this program ends, "
"Oh, no. That's not what I wanted to say―"
"There will be a next time for you! This isn't the end! "
A loud voice I had never heard before came out of Chae Eun-gyu's mouth.
Words filled with anger continued to echo through the silent hallway walls.
"Even if you don't debut this time, even if this program ends, it's not the end for you, right? You think you can find another opportunity, so you might say things like that without thinking much about it. But that's not true for me! "
We couldn't say anything.
No one expected this situation to come to pass.
I also couldn't have predicted that the person who would get angry in a voice close to screaming would be Chae Eun-gyu.
"This is my last time. I'm really at the edge of a cliff where I can't even find another place to go. I only have one more chance left, so how can I do better next time? No matter how well I've done so far, if I mess up the finals, it's over. What else can I do? "
Chae Eun-gyu, who had poured out all the words he had been holding back, took a deep breath for a moment.
Then, when our eyes met, he was startled and looked at us with a shocked expression.
"Ah, what did I say...."
It seems like he's come to his senses again.
Chae Eun-gyu was very embarrassed and took a small step back.
Eventually, he bumped into the hallway wall and shook his head back and forth.
"...Sorry."
Chae Eun-gyu apologized in a low voice and quickly walked out of the practice room hallway first.
"...."
"...."
The remaining team members continued to remain silent.
In particular, Yoo Min-ha seemed to be the most shocked.
"... I didn't really mean it like that."
A small voice leaked out of his mouth.
His large, wide eyes looked like they might burst into tears at any moment.
'What I was worried about has come true.'
I sighed inwardly and grabbed Yoo Minha's shoulder tightly.
One mentally broken trainee is enough.
If the rest of the guys collapse here, the whole team could fall into a slump.
"Everyone knows that Min-ha said that we shouldn't be concerned about the results of the midterm evaluation and that we should just do better next time we practice."
"... But Eun-gyu hyung-nim."
"He probably knows that better than anyone else. However, because of the many circumstances that came together, he ended up getting angry unintentionally. Didn't Min-ha also realize it? The fact that Eun-gyu Hyung-nim was under a lot of stress because of his position as leader."
"That's right. Because he kept trying to lead us well somehow...."
"That kind of pressure, combined with the judges' evaluations, must have caused him to say things he didn't mean. Eun-gyu Hyung-nim knows for sure that you absolutely did not mean it that way, Min-ha. So don't blame yourself."
After hearing what I said, Yoo Minha closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
His shoulders, which had been trembling, became calm again.
"Is Eun-gyu Hyung-nim going to be okay? "
"Of course. You know what kind of person Eun-gyu Hyung-nim is. I'm sure he'll apologize first and try to lighten the mood later, so don't worry too much."
"Hyung's head might be a little complicated too... Let's wait a little, Min-ha."
Fortunately, Kwon Dae-hyun and Kang Dong-hwi added calm words.
Ji Yoon-chul, who had been keeping silent there, also quietly added a word.
"······Since Eun-gyu Hyung probably had a lot of worries of his own, I think it would be better to wait until he sorts out his thoughts."
"That's right, that's right."
"Yoon-chul, you said it well."
This has helped to somewhat improve the mood among team members.
'The real problem is over there.'
I thought of the abnormal status activated in Chae Eun-gyu's status window.
I think a combination of factors were at play.
The pressure of the final of
The pressure to prove one's abilities until the end, as he has been the leader all along.
The discord among team members and the judges' criticism in that situation.
A feeling of impatience that one's time is running out.
And most recently, he was pushed out of the top 3 spots, which were called the most immovable concrete.
'As his ranking dropped, he likely pushed himself to do better.'
With all of the above added up, it was clear that Cha Eun-gyu had an unspeakable burden and anxiety.
It's a completely understandable situation, but I can't afford to waste time with the abnormal status activated.
I have to somehow return Chae Eun-gyu to his original form and reorganize our teamwork.
Otherwise, our final stage could really go to hell.
'I guess I have to tell you a little story first.'
* * *
After the midterm evaluation, we decided to take a break and then meet again.
On our way back to our respective cells, Kang Dong-hwi came up to me and gently tapped me on the shoulder.
"... Please."
"Leave it to me."
Although he didn't mention what he was asking for, I understood right away.
It means that I, who uses the same cell as Chae Eun-gyu, will check his condition.
'Even if Kang Dong-hwi hadn't said this, I would have taken off my shoes and stepped forward.'
But on the other hand, it felt good to know that other team members felt the same way as me.
The cell that Chae Eun-gyu and I used was dark.
Even though it was still daytime, the curtains were drawn, so no light came in.
A new figure was seen sitting blankly on the bed at the very end of the cell.
"Are you feeling a little better? "
When I spoke to him, the new figure flinched slightly.
After confirming that there was no answer, I wasted no time and immediately turned on the light.
"... It is dazzling, Karis."
"Can we have a conversation only if I turn on the light?"
Chae Eun-gyu looked very haggard, as if he had lost weight in that short period of time.
Perhaps because of the shadows cast over his face, the atmosphere was much darker than usual.
As I sat down next to Chae Eun-gyu with a calm expression on my face, he burst into laughter.
"How do you always have such a calm face? Please tell me your secret."
"It's an industry secret."
"That's too much, man."
You can't just go into the game and say you'll get the system.
I brushed his words aside and got straight to the point.
"I think you know best that nothing will be solved if you stay cooped up in this cell."
"... That's right."
"But why did you run away from that place and sit here without turning on the light as if the world were ending? "
Chae Eun-gyu lowered his head between his legs.
"... Perhaps I am not qualified to be a leader."
"Is it okay if I ask why you think that? "
"I can't control my own emotions, and I am getting angry at someone who did nothing wrong. That's not something a leader should do."
Well, actually, that's somewhat true.
However, there are exceptions, depending on the situation.
"No matter how many leaders there are, they are all the same people. And there is no such thing as a perfect person in the world. Even if you are the leader of the most popular idol group in Korea, I don't think you would treat every moment like a saint."
"...Still."
"If a similar situation that was traumatic in the past were to occur again, anyone's judgment would be clouded momentarily. Just as I cannot remain calm in all situations, Hyung-nim was in that situation today."
"My trauma? "
Chae Eun-gyu sharply turned his head toward me.
Then he let out a short sigh, as if he remembered something.
"Oh. That's right. Karis was there too."
"I understand how determined you were to appear on
"I shouldn't even call them colleague... anymore."
Chae Eun-gyu must have immediately recalled the memory of going to the Music K Showdown.
A situation where a colleague from his former agency spoke to us.
Even back then, the idol spoke as if he were deliberately trying to bring up Cha Eun-gyu's painful memories.
Perhaps Cha Eun-gyu felt more pressure at that point.
"It's been a while since I left my previous agency."
"Anyway, don't you want to chase after them? Likewise, debut and confidently stand on stage."
"That thought is always in my mind. That's why... That's why I think I'm more impatient. I think that if I don't debut this time, there's no next time. I'm old, and who would like someone who has failed at debuting multiple times? I definitely think that this is the last time―."
"That pressure exploded because of the midterm evaluation, so you unintentionally said something you didn't mean to the team members, don't you think?"
Chae Eun-gyu nodded.
"Really.... I really did something I shouldn't have done. Because I was the eldest hyung, the leader, and I couldn't control my emotions properly."
"It means to get rid of that kind of guilt. As I said before, there is no one perfect in this world. It is inevitable that individuals will have bad memories, and if you continue to bury the feelings you want to hide in your heart, it will only get worse."
"But that doesn't mean I can say things like that. To those who did nothing wrong―"
"Hyung-nim."
I took a breath.
I closed my eyes, chose the right words in my head, and spoke quietly.
"We don't hate your painful memories. On the contrary, we worry about them. We want to know what has bothered you and what has had a negative effect on you. That way, we can understand each other and trust each other more. If you can openly share the feelings you've always wanted to hide, that will be proof that you truly trust us."
"But these are things I have to endure."
"A team is not one where only the leader bears the burden alone. A real team is one where everyone works together. Rather, everyone will be grateful. If we listen to the whole story of what Hyung-nim was thinking and why he felt so pressured, we will naturally understand, and everyone will say it is okay."
Chae Eun-gyu must have thought this way until the end.
The negative effects of one's own bad memories and traumas must be carried by oneself.
He would have been constantly tormented by guilt because he took full responsibility for situations in which he unintentionally got angry.
But if that happens, you yourself will collapse, and trust among your team members will also collapse.
"Let's talk openly. Then everyone will understand you. Why did you get upset? Why did you feel so pressured? Let's tell them that you trust them enough to tell them everything you want to hide. If you do that, the team will become closer."
My words slowly sank into the air.
And in one corner of my vision, I saw a notification that a skill was being activated.
[Skill, 'Genius of Speech' (C) is activated.]
Chae Eun-gyu listened to me silently.
After organizing his thoughts in his head for a while, he finally smiled faintly.
"... Thank you. Thanks to you, I think I have some idea of what to do."
"I'm glad that's the case."
"I feel sorry for always being the one receiving help."
I smiled at his words.
"You don't have to apologize to me."
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