I've always been tired. But this time, it wasn't the normal kind of tiredness that you can shrug off. This tiredness felt like it was settling deep inside of me, like my body had decided it was done, and now it was just going through the motions. My bones were heavy, my mind foggy. And no matter how much I tried to rest, the exhaustion never seemed to let go.
I climbed into the bunk bed, the soft squeak of the springs barely audible as I settled beneath the thin blanket. With a quiet sigh, I closed my eyes and surrendered to the warmth, the soft embrace of sleep quickly pulling me under.
When I opened my eyes again, it wasn't my room that greeted me. Instead, the sunlight filtered through the gaps in the branches of a massive tree—the old maple tree I loved so much. My breath hitched. Was I dreaming?
"Hoon! Wake up!"
I blinked, groggy, and slowly sat up to find Taiga standing above me. His awkward grin was the first thing I saw, followed by the sight of Sakura leaning over me, her golden hair falling like a curtain around her face.
"Boo! Did I scare you?" she asked, her voice light and teasing.
I blinked a few more times, still half lost in the haze of sleep. "No," I said, barely able to muster the energy to sound annoyed.
"Ugh, Hoon! You never play along!" Taiga groaned, obviously disappointed.
Taiga was… well, he was the kind of guy people would ignore at school. The one whose voice went unnoticed, the one who was always a little too eager and a little too awkward. But to me, Taiga was a good friend. He had a heart that was too big for his own good, and even though he was often the butt of jokes, he never let it break him. He was the kind of guy who'd buy you a popsicle without asking, the kind who would stick by you no matter what.
"Here," he said, handing me one of the popsicles. He always brought extras for Sakura and me, even if he didn't have to.
I accepted it, feeling the coolness against my hand, and took a slow bite, watching as Taiga and Sakura ran around the tree, laughing and playing, completely carefree. I felt detached, like I was floating outside of the scene, but I wasn't sure if I was just too tired to join in.
They were always so full of energy, so full of life. And me? I was just… empty.
After a while, Taiga came to sit beside me, his eyes shining with the same relentless energy. "Hoon, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
The question caught me off guard. I wasn't prepared for it, and wasn't ready to answer. But when I thought about it, I realized I'd never really thought about it, not seriously. So I just said the first thing that came to mind.
"I want to be an actor."
Taiga's eyes widened in surprise. "Really? Can you act like a robot right now?" he asked, practically bursting with excitement.
I looked at him, unsure of whether he was joking. But before I could respond, he was already laughing, his hand covering his mouth as he tried to contain himself.
"Come on! I want to see it!" he urged.
With a sigh, I gave in. "I… am… a robot…" I muttered, stiffly moving my arms in exaggerated motions.
Taiga's laughter filled the air, loud and carefree. "You're terrible at this!" he laughed, practically falling over in his amusement.
"What? Acting comes from the soul, Hoon!" he said, still laughing.
I couldn't help but crack a small smile, but it quickly faded. I tried to push the thoughts away, but they kept coming back.
"What about you?" I asked, trying to deflect the attention away from myself.
Taiga didn't even hesitate. "I want to be Sakura's husband!" he said with complete seriousness, his eyes shining with a hope I couldn't quite understand.
I smirked at him. "Makes sense. She's got that golden hair, and she's pretty."
Taiga's expression faltered, his face lighting up with a fake scowl. "Don't you dare steal her away!" he said, shaking a finger at me in mock anger.
I laughed, but something inside of me felt… strange. The thought of Taiga and Sakura, together, didn't sit right with me. It wasn't jealousy—at least, I told myself it wasn't—but there was something deep inside that twisted when I imagined them as a couple.
The feeling didn't last long. I shoved it down and let the conversation flow around me. After all, this was Taiga's world. He had his family's money, his bright smile, his determination, and everything was always so simple for him. I, on the other hand, didn't even have the money to buy a Gameboy, something I'd been saving up for months to get.
That's when the idea came to me. It wasn't malicious at first. No, it was just a game. A little fun. I would help Taiga get closer to Sakura, maybe even make him like me more in the process. I wasn't trying to hurt him. Not really.
The next day, I met him under the maple tree again. I acted casual, pretending nothing had changed.
"I can help you get closer to Sakura," I said, my voice low, calculated.
"Really?!" His face lit up with excitement, and I couldn't help but feel a small, satisfied spark of pride.
"But," I added, drawing the moment out, "it'll cost you."
Without hesitation, Taiga pulled out a 100 yen bill and handed it to me. I wasn't expecting it to be that easy.
"What's the secret?" he asked, his eyes wide with anticipation.
I paused, pretending to think it over. "She likes being patted on the head when she's sleeping," I said, recalling something Sakura had once told me.
Taiga immediately knelt beside her, smiling triumphantly. I watched as he gently patted her head, and to my surprise, Sakura smiled in her sleep.
"See? It worked!" Taiga whispered, not even trying to hide the joy in his voice.
Over the next few days, I fed him more "secrets," each one fabricated just a little bit more than the last. I told him about her favorite flowers, her favorite songs, things she'd never actually said to me, things I just made up to keep him hooked. And in return, Taiga gave me more and more money.
Eventually, I had enough to buy the Gameboy. I felt proud of myself, satisfied with the small victory, but there was something hollow about it. The guilt settled in like a dark cloud, but I brushed it away. I was just acting, after all.
Then, one day, everything changed.
Taiga stood under the maple tree, his face a mixture of nerves and excitement. "Sakura, I—" he began, his voice shaking. "I love you."
I froze, hidden behind the tree, watching the scene unfold.
Sakura looked up at him, her expression soft but regretful. "I'm sorry, Taiga," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I love Hoon."
The words hit me like a punch to the gut. I could see Taiga's face crumble, his entire world shattering in that single moment.
I wanted to step out from behind the tree, I wanted to tell him it wasn't my fault, that I hadn't meant for this to happen. But I couldn't move. I was paralyzed, watching as Taiga's heart broke in front of me.
And then, a few days later, Taiga was gone.
They found him deep in the forest, his body cold and still. No one knew why he'd run away, why he'd left us. But I knew. I knew deep down that it was my fault. I had manipulated him, played with his emotions, just so I could get what I wanted.
The guilt crushed me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think.
I LIED. I LIED. I LIED. I LIED. I LIED.
I couldn't stop the words from repeating in my mind. I told myself it was just acting. Just a little game. But it wasn't. It was real, and the consequences were too much for me to bear.
I never touched the Gameboy. It sat on my shelf, untouched, a constant reminder of the price I'd paid for my selfishness. And as I stared at it, the guilt gnawed at me, a reminder of the friend I'd lost and the lie I had told that had cost him everything.
But it was too late. The damage was done, and all I had left were the broken pieces of a friendship I could never repair.