Time passed, the noise around me turning into silence, then back to noise again. I lay on the ground, my gaze unfocused, still fixed on the darkness outside the iron bars.
Everything was over, because of my arrogance, my carelessness, my laziness in thinking, and the way my emotions blinded me.
Clang, clang, clang, clang!
A harsh sound echoed from not far away, but I no longer cared. It was as if the entire space had begun to boil with the noise.
The oil lamp flickered, and a few sparks of light appeared in the dark space.
Shadows of several figures appeared… or rather, the shadows of snake-people moving. They were in pairs, one holding a bucket, the other a spoon, seemingly doing something in front of each cage.
Soon, they reached the cage I was in. They first toyed with the cat-person in the cage across from mine, then their mocking gaze turned to me, wandering freely. They didn't even look directly at me… or rather, I had lost the will to look at them, let alone look back.
Splash!
One of the snake-people holding the spoon tossed something from the bucket onto me.
Fish.
Or rather, dead fish.
The small fish, not even as big as the palm of my hand, were thrown onto my body, along with the foul-smelling water. The stench of rotting fish mixed with the stagnant water, covering my entire body, even my hair.
Hee hee hee!
Hee hee hee!
The two snake-people chuckled as they watched.
Such humiliation, so what?
It doesn't matter anymore.
I've lost everything, and all I need to do now is die.
Meow…
Meow meow!
Not far off, three cat-people were frantically grabbing and eating the dead fish scattered on the floor, desperately trying to survive. Their actions made me feel nothing but irony.
They looked just like me from before, when I had to crawl through life, enduring humiliation, hiding my pain from the world, and struggling just to survive.
No difference at all.
And I, who had fought in the Hero Wars, had slowly forgotten.
After becoming a hero, I had completely cast it aside.
"You brought this on yourself, ha ha ha..."
I laughed bitterly at my foolishness, but I didn't know why tears were running down my face.
I didn't want to accept it…
Even though it was my own fault, I didn't want to face the truth.
I had sacrificed so much, only to end up like this.
Heaven, can you give me another chance...
Even knowing it was impossible, my heart refused to accept the reality.
"Give me another chance. I'd choose differently… I wouldn't meet Rista, I wouldn't go to see her alone..."
My mind raced, imagining how, after becoming a hero, I would crush all those I once looked down upon.
That was just my brain's self-defense mechanism against failure... fantasies, empty joys that would eventually become sharper than any blade, piercing my chest.
Reality doesn't wait for you to accept it, once you open your eyes, it's right there waiting for you.
Despair, collapse… it seems like that's all reality is for.
Gurgle, gurgle...
My empty stomach groaned.
But all that lay before me was the food splattered on my body and some remnants on the floor.
The most cruel part of reality is that it forces you to accept it.
Death is the easiest thing in the world.
"They're probably eating a hearty meal by now."
It should have been me sitting there eating.
"Really… why don't I just die?"
Since that fall from the cliff, my life should've ended right there. Then I wouldn't have to suffer now…
—Do you really want to die?
A voice interrupted my thoughts.
—If you really want to die, there are a hundred ways you could end it right now.
...
—Silent, huh? You've given up, haven't you?
No one wants me to live.
Not my childhood sweetheart, not my former friends, and certainly not that hypocritical prince.
—That's right, they'd rather see you dead.
And in fact, that's exactly what they've been doing.
—So, why don't you just die right now?
Yes, that's right.
—No more pain, no more worries, just die, and you'll escape all of it.
Yes… I could finally stop thinking useless thoughts.
—In this way, you'd fulfill everyone else's wishes, hahaha!
"..."
Bang, bang!
My heartbeat quickened.
—No one expects you to live. Everyone hopes you'll die. No magical circuits, no combat talent, what kind of life do you think you could have?
I became one of the chosen heroes, and stood out from that war, becoming the last—!
—And then, you were pushed off the cliff, weren't you?
I…
—You thought you could relax, thinking things were over and you could excuse yourself, didn't you?
No! I didn't! I realized, but because she was the one I loved…
—So, you stopped thinking. That's your excuse, isn't it?
"..."
—Do you want to die now?
Yes.
—Really?
Don't ask me.
—Ready to use death to escape from everything, huh?
Enough, stop.
—Death is truly the best escape, isn't it?
Shut up.
—It's what everyone else wanted.
Shut up…
—It's the perfect end for a coward like you.
"Shut up—!"
—Because you never had the guts to fight reality, did you?
"..."
No.
Bang, bang!
I've never stopped.
—No, from the very beginning, the war with reality has never stopped.
Whether it was crawling out of the homeland consumed by flames.
—Or being driven out of the city by the guards.
Whether it was escaping a false accusation and being chased.
—Or enduring humiliation and years of suffering in prison.
Struggling, biting, enduring.
Even for a fleeting moment of hope.
I fought with everything I had to seize that moment.
To live.
And then, to live on.
—Do you still want to die?
It's painful.
—Death could bring relief.
I know.
Gurgle, gurgle...
My stomach groaned again, and all I could see was the foul fish at my feet.
—Everyone wants you dead.
The ones who took everything from me.
—Think about your pain right now.
I am enduring it.
—Now think about those people, feasting happily, laughing.
That place… it was supposed to be mine…
—How did it end up like this?
"I know."
With my hands tied, I reached for the food.
"Because I stopped thinking."
The pain I'm feeling now is my own fault.
—So, do you still want to die?
"..."
Tick...
A tear slid down my cheek, landing on the dead fish in my hand.
I won't give them what they want.
—No, you can't.
I will eat this pain.
—Yes, engrave all the humiliation and anger into your soul.
Unforgivable... They all are.
I'll never forgive them!
My teeth sank into the fish's belly, tearing off the flesh.
The stench, the rotten meat, the overwhelming nausea—all mixed together as I struggled to swallow it.
Swallow it…
My body was commanded.
Crunch, crunch...
My trembling jaw ground the fish.
Swallow it…
Whether out of defiance or disgust, tears kept flowing from my eyes. I clenched my fists, pressing them against my chest, forcing my mouth closed to prevent myself from throwing up.
Gulp...
I could feel the fish moving down my throat, through my chest, and into my stomach.
My eyes only saw my fists, trembling from the effort.
I swear, I will never stop thinking. Never, ever again…
Tears ran down my face, through clenched teeth.
Someday, I will live, and then—
"I will make everyone who betrayed me pay a price worse than death!"
That scream, engraved into my brain, turned my soul into a vengeful demon once more.