* * *
Drawbacks.
The distinctive noise of a large, old door sliding open, its worn hinges screaming, always sends an ominous, reluctant foreboding through my skin.
Especially if what lies beyond that door is an unusually vast, barren white otherworld that would bleach my hazy izzy mind.
The disorienting sensation of stepping onto a vast snowfield that was not cold, not soft, and where one could not even leave footprints was something that I would never be able to get used to, no matter how much time passed.
''Saintess----. I'm here----.''
He made a makeshift megaphone with one hand to supplement his voice, but the source of the sound itself was so insignificant that the echoes he produced were muffled.
It was no use.
What I now had to deal with was an individual who was capable of reducing any human being who crossed his or her mind to a soulless puppet, and who lacked even the most minimal humanity to act as a deterrent.
My current behavior in creeping into a place inhabited by such a dangerous person is like an idiot looking for dynamite, using a burning tinderbox as a guidepost.
The real fool who lit the dynamite is probably sleeping soundly across the river, far away from the explosion site, and I'm wondering why I, an innocent bystander, have to carry that heavy gun and perform a life-threatening demolition derby.
Although my doubts were indeed legitimate, and my heavy steps were heavy with regret, I had the fleeting consolation of knowing that I could eat a piece of thick meat that I had dreamed of before I died, and my legs were not so weak as to be unable to carry it.
Crash!
The car was in the middle of a thoughtless thought. The shock that came without warning tilted his body.
''Huh?''
As if a bolt loaded into a crossbow had launched my body at the moment the trigger was pulled, the nameless projectile that shot up like a molten iron and slammed into my lower abdomen immediately after my voice was uttered was something far too soft and fragile to be meant to harm anyone.
No, it was someone.
''Stand, saintess----!?''
Unlike me, who had been caught off guard by the unexpected attack, Saintess's small hands tightened around my waist and grasped my body like vines.
I had gotten used to her nonchalant demeanor as she stood far away from the doorway, staring at the broken television screen, unconcerned about whether anyone was coming in or not, and was stunned by the unimaginable blow.
The sobbing, sobbing, sobbing, sobbing, as if she was reuniting with a long-lost family member after years of separation, as if she would never let go again, slowly convinced me that something was wrong.
''Hmph, hmph----. Hmph, hmph, hmph----. ''Hmph, hmph----.''
''saintess----. saintess----?''
I doubted my eyes and ears.
Although Saintess is so blunt that she looks like a soulless doll at first glance, she has only occasionally shown her feelings to me as long as she's afraid of people.
But that's only in bits and pieces, or what should be called fragments.
To see her like this, with her expression distorted, clear emotions dripping from her pupils, and a desperate appeal to someone, was a side of the moon I had never seen before.
''Hmph, hmph----. Ah, ahh----.
''Aaahhhh! Ooh, don't cry, saintess! Come on, tsk, tsk, tsk!''
Before the shock of the piercing blow to the head had even worn off, a wistful echo filled the otherwise silent white space.
A bang.
The tumultuous scene shook my thoughts so violently that I didn't even realize that the large door directly behind me had slammed shut.
◈◈◈◈
It wasn't until a long time later that the saintess stopped crying.
No, it may not be fair to say that she stopped.
It would be more accurate to say that she collapsed from exhaustion in the weeds after crying and crying and crying, and her wailing, which bordered on screaming, was so full of unexpected thoughts that even a quick glance at her face would reveal that she had been embracing them.
''Haah----.''
It was as if a storm had passed.
If you've ever seen a disaster movie where the main characters are stranded on a mountain with a fire and the rain is falling from the sky, you can relate to how I was feeling right now.
My original purpose and resolve have long since faded away, and only the faint sense of relief that I've successfully appeased the saintess who cries for the world to pass away is soothing my mind and body, which have been taken by surprise by the unexpected turn of events.
Sobbing.
It was hard to shake off the reasonable suspicion that the whole blue incident was actually a daydream, as she was sleeping peacefully in my arms after all the wailing and fussing.
It was virtually impossible to look away from the events in front of me, as the red traces in the corners of the saintess's eyes and the faint ringing in my ears constantly reminded me that it was all real.
''So, what do we do now----.''
The only person who could hold a clue to the case had fallen asleep, further complicating the already turbulent navigation.
Still, I didn't dare to wake up the barely-sleeping saintess again.
The saying that children are the prettiest when they're sleeping is just an euphemism for being a little bit obnoxious when they're awake, a lesson I've learned anew.
Furthermore, even if I could wake her up, it would be a bit unreasonable to expect to find out the reason for the chain of events from a saintess who isn't that great with words.
She had been acting as Saintess's human bed for so long without being able to do anything about it.
''I wonder what would happen if I could even find out what happened between them----.''
I was just about to say something to myself when I realized that the words I'd muttered to myself out of sheer embarrassment were fading into thin air.
A thud.
Like when you hit the pause button on a movie and fast-forward ten seconds.
As if it had been there all along, without any foreshadowing, without any indication.
The man-made sculpture that appeared in front of me out of nowhere had enough presence to snap my sagging consciousness back into shape.
''Uh----?''
A small brown tube television with legs.
As the saintess stared at it all day long, with a penetrating intensity, a small question sprouted in my mind as to why this familiar cube, which was so often in my line of sight, was now in front of my nose when there was no way anyone could have put it there.
Why could there be a 'television' on this side of the world?
Like a fog slowly clearing, a very legitimate doubt crystallized in my mind, long after the fact.
Yes. As if someone had deliberately excluded 'that' from my thought circuitry.
As if someone had imprinted on my brain that 'that' thing, a disconcerting lump that didn't fit in with the conventional wisdom of the world, where magic and rationality are the foundation of human progress, was perfectly natural and not strange to have.
I clutch my head with a throbbing headache, as if the puzzle in my brain is being reassembled back into its original form, eerily similar to the mild discomfort I feel upon waking up from general anesthesia and slowly returning bodily sensations.
[I wonder?]
I rubbed the back of my head, checking first to see if there was something wrong with my vision, as the vivid green words on the screen that was always crackling seemed to be speaking to me.
[I wonder?]
Fortunately, my vision was fine. But that didn't ease the heavy weight on my chest, as I now had to worry about whether there was something wrong with my mind.
''----How are you?''
A stupid human talking to a stupid box was born.
But I thought this was the only way to resolve the questions that were bubbling up in my mind once and for all.
It was an impulsive question that I threw out once, thinking that no one was watching, and that it was the main temple.
[Me?]
And the answer came back. The next thought that flashed through my mind was not one of relief that I hadn't gone mad, but of a vague sense of dread that I had communicated with an unknown entity.
[God]
Oh, no.
I'm just crazy, phew, thank goodness.
* * *