The following day, Amara sat in the living room by herself. The air conditioner hummed on its own, filling the silent space with noise but offering no comfort. Daniel had gone to work, and this house was much bigger without him. She focused on the coffee table, and memories slipped in uninvited and relentless. She shut her eyes, and her mind took her back to a time that she had tried so hard to run away from, a time when everything seemed so possible but yet so impossibly confused.
---
In her first year at the university, Amara was virtually a bundle of nerves as she moved through the teeming campus. A large number of students filled the orientation hall, the noise almost blinding in its intensity.
An empty seat in the middle of the room caught her eye and she headed for it, holding her books firmly. When she sat down, she noticed the girl beside her, Farida. She was very pretty in looks, curly hair tied loosely in a bun and an easy confident smile.
"You're new here, too?" Farida inquired, with a warm and welcoming tone.
Amara nodded but her shyness brought the words out barely above a whisper. "Yes."
Farida extended her hand. "Farida. Nice to meet you."
From that moment, some kind of bond began to take shape, one which would deepen and complicate itself day after passing day.
By the second semester, Amara and Farida were practically inseparable. The two spent long nights in the library clustered around textbooks and steaming cups of coffee, their giggles eliciting disapproving glances from the librarian.
"Amara, you're hopeless at this," Farida teased one night, snatching the book from Amara's hands. "Let me show you."
Amara watched as Farida described the problem, her gestures animated and her passion contagious. It was then that Amara felt a warmth she couldn't explain, a pull towards Farida that transcended friendship.
Their friendship developed into something more during a weekend trip organized by their faculty. The two were assigned to the same group for a hiking activity, and by evening they lay side by side on the grass beneath the setting sun.
"Do you ever think life after this?" Farida inquired, her voice tender.
Indeed, Amara confirmed reflectively," All the time. "But it appears to be a mile away".
With a look that seemed to penetrate her soul, Farida broke her heart. "In good or bad times, we are always there for each other. So you remember that too right?"
Amara nodded, her heart swelling. "Always."
Something changed in that moment between them. The air was thicker, pulsating with feelings neither was brave enough to label.
----
One of those university cultural nights told a different story. That was the night Amara had felt the most out of place, noise, and crowd overwhelming her. Farida found her sitting alone on the steps outside, the soft glow of the lanterns illuminating her face.
"You're missing all the fun," Farida said, sitting beside her.
"I don't really fit in there," Amara replied.
Farida studied her for a moment then took her hand. "Come with me."
She ushered Amara to a secluded corner behind the hall, far from the watchful eyes of their peers. They stood there in silence as the sounds of music disappeared into the distance.
Farida reached out, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Amara's ear. "You always are so hard on yourself," she said softly.
Amara's throat closed up with the possibility of breath as Farida leaned in, her lips touching Amara's in a kiss that was soft yet filled with uncontainable passion.
After that night, everything changed. They managed to find ways of being together, stealing moments between classes and meeting in hidden corners of the campus. Their relationship was their secret, a world they had created where nothing else mattered could or would.
Farida made Amara feel important, she would come out of her shell and show her the beauty of little things. They would spend hours on the grass beside the river bank, sharing dreams and fears.
Yet this happiness was always accompanied by the shadow of fear. They did not expect the world to understand and the burden of that conviction weighed heavily upon them.
The differences became most pronounced in the final year. Farida had always been the bolder, more inclined taker of risks and Amara had always been the more prudent person who seemed to watch over her shoulder all the time.
One evening, sitting in Farida's apartment, Farida looked at Amara with frustrated eyes. "Why do we have to hide all the time? Why can't we just be who we are?"
"Of course you do," Amara whispered. "My family… our society…"
Farida stood up and paced the room. "What about our wants? That has to count for something, right?"
Amara looked down again and couldn't meet Farida's eyes. "I'm scared," she said.
Farida stopped pacing and knelt before her, clutching her hands. "I love you, Amara," she said, shaking her voice. "But I can't keep doing this."
The words hung in the air, heavy and final.
Their relationship dissolved soon after college. Farida left for a job in another city, and Amara stayed behind, shackled by family expectations and societal pressures.
The day Farida left, was the last day they met at the riverbank. Sitting there in silence, the burden of their spoken words was light yet almost bearable.
"I will always love you," Farida said as she got up to leave.
Amara watched the woman, her heart breaking as she went further. She wanted to say something in outcry or beg the woman to stay, but the words could not be found.
---
Amara blinked, the memories fading as she tried to return to the present. It was a tight feeling in her chest, the past doting on her.
Farida had been her first love, her safe harbour and her greatest regret. And now, years later, she was back in her life, bringing to life emotions Amara thought she buried forever.
Her phones buzzed as she thought. It was a message from Farida "We need to talk".
Amara's heart raced as she typed a reply: "Okay. Tomorrow."
She knew she couldn't keep running from the past, but facing it felt like standing on the edge of a cliff. The memories of her time with Farida were both comfort and a curse, reminding her of what she had lost and warning her of what she could lose again.
As she sat quietly, Amara realized that she was at a crossroads. The choices she made now would shape the rest of her life, and there was no turning back.