The mild conversational sounds of the restaurant continued as Amara sat in the corner of a small restaurant. Her fingers were idly tracing around the rim of the coffee cup, her heart was drumming in her chest. She had shown up fifteen minutes earlier, shaking too much to sit at home and wait. The café was charming, with tables made out of wood and huge windows that streams of sunlight splashed through. It was the type of place at which conversations felt private yet oddly exposed.Amara's eyes flicked to the door every time the bell chimed, and her nerves knotted closer every second that passed. She hadn't seen Farida properly in years, and the brief meeting at the market had done little to prepare her for this. So many questions raced through her mind. Would Farida ask about her life with Daniel? Would she even know the unspoken truths hidden behind Amara's well-crafted answers?Farida was already moving down the street when she saw the restaurant. The glass window showed her reflection as a calm, confident woman, but her nerves were fluttering on the inside. Amara's text had been unexpected, a sudden crack in the wall that had kept them separated through time and distance. Farida had waited long to respond as she was confused if it was wise to relive the past. Still, here she was with a heart confused by both excitement and fear.The bell jingled as she stepped in, announcing her arrival. A scan of the room had her eyes find Amara's immediately. For a moment, the rest of the café disappeared. Amara stood up, and her anxious smile began to pull at Farida's heart in ways she wasn't ready for."It's so good to see you again," said Farida, warmth in her tone but steadiness too. She held Amara in a brief embrace, the warmth lingering just long enough to stir up quite a few emotions.Amara smiled softly and gestured to the chair opposite her. "I wasn't sure you would come."Farida chuckled as she sat down. "That's not something I'm going to decline. It's not every day one gets a message from her old partner in crime."The words brought a smile to Amara's face, but Farida caught the flicker of something else in her eyes, sadness or perhaps regret. It was faint, but Farida had always been good at spotting subtle hints.As they spoke more, Farida could not help but look at Amara. She was beautiful but also had an air of something unsuspected, something guarded. The pain that once illumined her eyes now seemed extinguished as if the burdens of her life had dulled its luster.Their conversation began with the usual pleasantries, work, family, and the incessant bustle of Lagos life. Farida talked about her gallery, her tone becoming more animated as she spoke about the up-and-coming artists she was currently featuring."I always knew you'd go far," Amara said in a voice that carried undertones of admiration. "You were always so brave."Farida tilted her head and her smile softened. "Fearless? I don't think so. I simply understood that fear is unavoidable, but regret... regret is unbearable."The words were not for Amara, they were a reminder to Farida. For so many years, she had wrestled with the regret of losing Amara, that she hadn't fought harder to keep what they had. But she also knew that some battles could not be fought alone.The forced smile didn't fool her. Amara took a sip of her coffee and fiddled with the edge of a napkin. Farida felt sympathetic. In many ways, the years had been kind to her, but they hadn't been as kind to Amara."Are you happy?" Farida asked, looking into Amara's eyes.The question hung in the air, and Farida could almost see the walls Amara was building up inside her to try and protect herself. "I… I'm good. Life's great."Farida held her gaze, allowing silence to stretch just enough to make her point. "You know, content and happy aren't the same thing."Amara looked away, tightening her grip on the cup. Farida felt all the anguish hidden behind a calm mask and couldn't help but suffer for her. She wanted to reach out, to say to Amara that she didn't have to carry this burden alone, but she knew very well that it was not good to push too much.The rest of the conversation was lighter, cautiously avoiding the emotional minefield that had briefly been tread. As drinks were finished, Farida leaned forward with a serious look on her face."Amara, there's something I've been intending to tell you," she started, her voice was calm although her heart was beating fast.Amara's eyes widened a little, and her fingers froze at the edge of the table. Farida inhaled deeply as her determination tightened."When I saw you at the market, it made me think of many things from the past. The nice things," she said her voice illed with emotion " But it also let me know how much I missed you. How much I still miss you."Amara responded immediately with a sharp intake of breath, her gaze flickering to the door as though she sought an escape. Farida fought the urge to reach out and steady her."I'm not trying to make your life harder," Farida said quickly, as she felt Amara's panic. "I just needed to tell the truth. I can't live with more regrets than I already do."Amara looked at her hands. Her face was a blend of shock and vulnerability. "Farida..." she said, but the word choked in her throat.Farida leaned back, so Amara could have the space she seemed to need. "You don't have to say anything. I just… I couldn't keep pretending like I don't care. Because I do. I always have."On her way back to the apartment, Farida mulled over the conversation in her head. She felt a strange mix of relief and anxiety, not sure if she had made the right choice. Some part of her feared that she had done something Amara was still not ready for, but then again on part of her knew that she can't do that any longer.
As Amara returned home that evening, her mind was a whirlwind of emotions. She knew she was standing at a crossroads, one that would force her to make a choice she wasn't ready to face.
Daniel greeted her with his usual warmth, oblivious to the storm brewing within her. Amara tried to focus on the familiarity of their routine, but the weight of her inner conflict was impossible to ignore.
That night, Amara lay in bed staring at the ceiling while the quiet sounds of the Lagos night filtered into her room. A faint hum from a generator somewhere, an occasional bark from a dog, and some murmured voices from an adjoining apartment filled the air. But none of it could distract her from the uproar of feelings that Farida had stirred in her earlier that day.
Amara wrapped her pillow tighter as her mind replayed every moment of their meeting the warmth of Farida's embrace, the manner in which her voice carried both strength and gentleness, and the honesty of her eyes when she said she had missed her.
A tangle of emotions, Guilty, longing, and confused. She had spent years convincing herself that her feelings for Farida were just a phase, an impulsive youth indulgence she had outgrown. But then seeing Farida again had unraveled it all in an instant.
Her mind raced until at last fatigue dragged her into a fitful sleep, one that brought her into a dream so vivid it seemed real.
Amara stood in a sunlit room, the walls bursting with paintings that seemed oddly vivacious. She knew straight away it was Farida's gallery, though the experience felt more dreamlike than real. The warmth of the air carried a remnant trace of jasmine and lavender.
Amara was alone initially, but soon she heard the gentle sound of footsteps. Turning around, she saw Farida approaching with a beaming smile and an affection in her eyes that made Amara's heart skip a beat.
"You came," Farida said softly, her voice like a melody.
"I couldn't stay away," was the reply Amara gave, her own voice trembling with emotion she didn't understand.
Farida did not look away from Amara's eyes. She stepped a little closer, so that the two of them were just a few inches apart now. Farida reached out her hand. Her fingers brushed against Amara's hand. The shock was immediate, giving Amara a thrill that almost breathless her.
"I've missed you," Farida murmured, her voice laced with emotion.
"I've missed you too," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.
The words hung between them like a fragile thread until Farida closed the distance. She touched Amara's face with gentle hands, a tenderness that made Amara's heart ache.
Then Farida kissed her.
Not at all tentative or hesitant, it was passionate, raw, and unguarded as though years of longing and restraint had finally found their release. Amara kissed her back fiercely, her hands instinctively reaching up to pull Farida closer.
The surroundings seemed to disappear as if they were the only ones left on the earth, embraced in each other's arms. The kiss grew deep in a manner full of hunger that both scared and thrilled Amara. She felt as if she was alive in a way she hadn't for years now, her every nerve endings alight with sensation.
Farida felt the caress of her hands to her waist so she drew herself even closer, and Amara did not want to displease her. It was like all the things she had used to shield herself from her were suddenly torn down , leaving only the raw truth of her feelings.
In that moment, nothing else mattered to her, society, its expectations, or even her fear. All that existed was Farida, the woman who had always held part of her heart.
Amara jerked awake, her breath in shallow gasps. It was dark and silent in the room except for a thin stream of moonlight that had pushed through the curtains. She sat up, pressing one hand to her chest as if to calm the frantic beating of her heart.
Completely a dream could be the only explanation as it was so vivid, so realistic that she was baffled for a moment to understand its non-existence. She touched her lips automatically, almost sure she would feel the faint tingling of Farida's kiss. But there was nothing, just the cold, empty reality of her bedroom.
She experienced a wave of different emotions: desire, doubt and pain so great that she felt hollow. The dream's kiss was the spark that brought back to life something in her, which she spent years trying to bury.
There were tears in her eyes as she pulled her knees to her chest, embracing them with her arms as if to protect herself. 'It was just a dream,' she whispered to herself but the words did not ease the hurt.
The dream only confirmed what she couldn't deny, her feelings for Farida still resided within her, obscured by the walls of denial and fear. It was not like they ever really went.
As she lay back down staring at the ceiling Amara's thoughts raced. The dream had stirred feelings that she wasn't ready to meet yet but it had also forced her to confront a reality that she could no longer ignore.
Farida wasn't a memory or a chapter of her past. Farida was the one person who had ever made her feel truly alive. And now, after years of trying to get on with her life, Amara wasn't so sure anymore that she could do it.
The realization was exhilarating and frightening at the same time. For such a long time, she had permitted herself no thoughts of possibilities, however, now she felt able to wonder what might be possible.