"No." He laughed and sat down on my bed, I made a mental note to wash those sheets tonight. "You don't understand. You're the star player of a good team. You need to be better. You need to be the star player of a state championship team." I just looked at him. I was wondering what the catch was. "I need you in the best position possible to get noticed and recruited by different schools because going on recruiting trips will get you better alibis for some of our "missions". There it was, I thought he only wanted me to win for him not for anything else, just him.
"Whatever you say… boss" I said with all the contempt I could muster. He laughed at my disgust.
"This is what you signed up for Ty. Don't act as if you don't want to be the best. I just need you to be the best, And right now." He crouched down to make sure I heard him. "You're not the best and you and your sister." He gestured out the door. "You're useless to me if you're not the best" He walked out the door. My frustration didn't subside until I fell asleep that night. I wasn't mad at what he said. I was mad because he was right. And I hated him for it.
It was after the game. We had lost and it was my fault. No one said it was my fault, but I felt otherwise. I made the wrong decision. I passed the ball to the wrong guy, and he missed the layup that would've gotten us to state. He was wide open, I was double teamed, but he was the wrong person to pass to. The look on Lucius' face said it all. I pride myself on knowing things. Anticipating what people will do. Making the right decision in everything I do. Especially at sports. I should've kept it and shot it myself, but he was open and while everyone else blamed him, they should've blamed me. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't feel sorry for him for missing the shot. He was wide open. I was just sorry I put him in that position. I was sitting alone at my table. Nick hadn't shown up yet. Most of the team clasped me on the shoulder saying things "Next year" or "Damn man we had it" or worse "All dumbass had to do was make a layup". I didn't respond to any of them. All I did was clench my fists and fester in silence..
"Are you ok?" was Nick's greeting when he finally got to the table. He saw my face. I may have portrayed more than I wanted to so I made my face smooth and unemotional again.
"I'm fine" I responded.
"No you're not. You're mad you didn't take that shot aren't you?" I was dumbfounded. Not one person, not even Lucius was mad at me for passing, Lucius probably thought the same thing but couldn't say it because technically I made the "right" play but here he was and he knew I made a mistake and I hated that I did.
"What makes you say that?" Impressed though I was. I wasn't truly ready to believe that someone just knew me like that. Except CniDaria of course.
"I know you" was his reply. So much for that peace of mind. 'I know that insanely high standard you hold yourself to Thylonius. Only you could think you made the wrong decision on that play. Now don't get me wrong. You probably did have a better chance of making that shot because you are that much better than most people but that doesn't mean that hitting the wide open man is wrong" I looked at him and shook my head.
"That's not good enough. I knew the right play and I didn't make it and it cost us the game. You said it. I'm better so I should have taken that shot because I would have made that shot and everyone wouldn't be blaming that kid who I knew would never make that shot."
"Is this about him?"
"No. It's about me. It's about us" I motioned to him and myself. "We have to be better. You know how much time I spend analyzing every move? Every cut? Every shot? Every rebound? Hours upon hours. I practice shots. I practice passes, I practice no looks. I practice pump fakes. Everything I do is prepared for because I have to be better." Nick looked confused. He sat down
"Better than who?"
"Everyone' I replied
"Do you think you can earn a scholarship with basketball?"
"I don't want a scholarship"
"Then what is this about Ty?" I sighed. I didn't want to reveal the realness of my past or the fire of my anger, but he needed to understand me.
"Look at us. We are young black men. In a world that hates us. Hates us for what we look like. What we could accomplish. So every chance they get. They belittle us. Hold us back. Kill us even. So me I'm not going to give them any reason to hold me down. Whether it's basketball, school or anything else I will be better than them." Nick just looked at me.
"That's unreasonable Ty"
"What?" I wasn't expecting him to be so matter of fact with his response. I was expecting more "Attaboy" than anything else. He elaborated.
"I've been all over the world. I watched the way governments treat young black men and women. Really anyone who is impoverished and lower class. It doesn't matter how great you are. How smart you are. How prepared you are. How talented you are. You have to be more lucky than prepared. You have to hope that you're not the one who is going to get shitted on today. You have to hope that they won't look at your name and say 'No that name is too black', 'No that name is too ghetto', or 'No that name is too poor'. You have to hope that when your name comes up that it's not your turn to be mistreated by a huge faceless government, school, or job. You say you don't want give them any more reason to step on you. Thylonius they already have all the reason they've ever needed. You were born black, poor, and excuse me for saying it but if it couldn't get any worse for you, you were born African." I just laid back. Stunned at the truth of his words. I had seen it my whole life. The reason for my anger. What I was choosing to do with my life. It was right there in those words he spoke. "It's a shame" He continued "I wish the system could be changed. Brought down so that there could be more opportunity for all of us. But short of a miracle that could see most of the world leaders change. That's impossible. It'll always the underlings being shitted on by the elite especially if you're of color. I just..." He paused I didn't interrupt. "I've seen too much to think otherwise of the government. I'm sure you have too." I looked at him sharply. He smiled which seemed to be a difficult task, as it seemed he was on the verge of tears earlier. "I see it in you Ty. You don't have to tell me. I don't think I'll ever tell a soul some of the things I've seen. But I'm here if you ever do want to share." I nodded and replied
"To think this all started because I was angry about basketball" We started to laugh and laugh. It was one of the best laughs I'd ever had.
That conversation for obvious and not so obvious reasons resounded with me. The truth of his words is something I will never forget. But it was the hopeful thought of his words that gave me purpose. When I went home I laid in my bed for a long time. Lucius and my sister didn't bother me thinking I was still mad over the game. The game was completely out of my mind. It was what he said about leaders changing, Us, the disenfranchised, the minority of the world. We deserved better. My sister and I, we had the skill, the drive and the purpose to give them better. I saw it so clearly in my mind. My sister and I. We were going to literally change the world. One body at a time.