That question drew Hanley back six years, to a time long buried in the corners of his memory.
Back then, he was part of Canada's prestigious Aircrew Rescue Team, immersed in a world where every day was a test of endurance and resolve. His training was relentless, pushing him to his limits, particularly in flying and emergency rescues. He'd leap from a helicopter, plummet to the deck of a ship, or plunge into freezing waters, each task more daunting than the last. The underwater rescue drills were the most brutal—where the threat of drowning was not just a risk, but an inevitability that hovered over him like a shadow. Every breath beneath the surface was a battle, his lungs burning for air, his heart racing in panic. He had faced that suffocating terror countless times, the fear of death more real than anything he'd known. No matter how many times he fought against it, he could never quite conquer that primal fear.
Why was he afraid to face death, he wondered? What more could be lost? Yet in the depths of those moments, something inside him always resisted the pull of the inevitable. It was as if a part of him—quiet, unseen—knew there was something still left unfinished, some call yet unanswered. And even in the darkest depths, something inside him whispered that he couldn't give in, that there was still something left to return to. Something he couldn't yet name.
One day, due to the extremely poor weather conditions, flying was grounded and they began preparing to head back. It was then that the Brigadier's order came through. A private ship carrying civilians had encountered an accident in the depths of the Pacific Ocean. A rescue mission in such dire weather was extremely perilous. But once the order was given, there was no turning back. This was Hanley's first rescue mission in his career. Despite all the training he had undergone, an inexplicable fear began to rise within him.
After over half an hour of difficult flight, the helicopter finally reached the ship's location. Below them, the vast expanse of the Pacific Ocean lay in a deep blue spread, while a small luxury ship was tossed around by the raging waves.
Ropes were thrown down to the deck, and one by one, the soldiers leapt down, rescuing the civilians and hoisting them up into the helicopter. Hanley was the last to descend.
By then, the rain had begun to fall heavily, and the weather deteriorated even further. The waves grew in strength, making it nearly impossible to maintain a steady position on the ship's deck. Water began to seep into the vessel from one side. Only five or six civilians remained, four of whom had already been rescued and lifted to safety by the others.
It was Hanley's turn now. As soon as he approached, a man, gripped by fear, rushed towards him, his hands clutching desperately at Hanley's body. The man's panic was evident, and Hanley knew that in order to secure the rope around him, the man had to remain calm. But no matter how hard Hanley tried to soothe him, the man couldn't release his grip or stop trembling.
Hanley realized then that real-life situations were far more chaotic than anything he had trained for. In a moment of resolve, he summoned the strength to shove the man back, keeping his legs steady to avoid harm. With a swift motion, he planted his foot firmly on the man's shoulder, ensuring no injury. Securing the rope quickly, Hanley pulled the man up into the helicopter, feeling the weight of the rescue settle into his muscles.
His first mission was a success, and the rest of the team gathered around him, clapping and offering their congratulations. Yet, amid the celebrations, the radio crackled with urgent news — another civilian was still stranded aboard the sinking ship.
"I'll go," Hanley declared, his voice steady with determination. The ship was close to submerging, but Hanley understood the weight of saving even a single life. The imminent danger didn't faze him; if anything, it strengthened his resolve. As he prepared to depart, the officer who had been by his side reminded him gently to be cautious and return safely.
Hanley gripped the rope tightly and leaped back onto the ship's deck, but as he landed, his footing faltered. The violent sway of the ship made it nearly impossible to keep his balance. With the civilian ship sinking fast, he realized he would need to cut the rope to save the trapped person. Without hesitation, he dashed toward the interior of the vessel. Reaching a locked door, he kicked it open with determination.
Inside, he found a lavish guest hall, but the luxurious surroundings felt eerily out of place amid the chaos. In the far corner, a young woman huddled in fear, her body trembling as she curled up into herself. Hanley rushed to her side, extending his hand with urgency. "Come on, we need to get out of here," he said, his voice calm but firm.
The woman's wide, terrified eyes slowly focused on him. She hesitated for a moment, her hands trembling as she reached toward him. Just as their hands touched, the ship gave another violent lurch. Hanley's heart sank as he realized the vessel was nearing its breaking point.
Amid the panic, the wireless crackled with an urgent call for evacuation.
Suddenly, the ship pitched again, sending Hanley stumbling into the girl. He struggled to regain his balance, his shoulder aching from the impact as he quickly pushed himself to his feet. Though pain radiated from the jolt, Hanley raised a hand to show he was still in one piece, offering her a reassuring smile, his eyes determined despite the mounting danger.
The ship was tilting dangerously, and making his way to the door had become nearly impossible. With every passing second, hope seemed to slip further away. Hanley's heart sank, and for the first time in a long while, a sense of defeat overwhelmed him. He thought, perhaps, this was the end. Struggling to push himself up with only one arm, he felt the weight of his exhaustion. But then, the girl beside him noticed his struggle and stepped in to support him. Gently, she helped him rise to his feet, her hands steady and strong.
As she did, her long hair fell across his face, and in that brief moment, something in him stirred. The scent, the touch—everything about her reminded him of Bella. He remembered Bella's dark, flowing hair, her radiant smile, and the way her eyes sparkled with mischief. It was as if time had folded in on itself, and he was back in the days when he held her close, when the world felt simpler.
Hanley's eyes fluttered open, and for a moment, he could almost swear that Bella was standing before him. Without thinking, he reached for her, pulling her into a tight embrace, lost in the memory of everything he had left behind.
"I'm so sorry, Bella," he murmured, his voice heavy with regret, as though the words were long overdue.