Annoyed, Joe grunted in frustration. While other babies cried or slept peacefully after being born, he grunted and whimpered in despair. "Am I stuck in some trashy, cliché Webnovel or what?" he wondered, his face etched with a dry, ironic grin.
He could only laugh bitterly. His appearance as a pink pigman inevitably reminded him of his first life.
In that first life, before he was isekai'd, Joe had been a narcissistic, overweight keyboard warrior. Living in Germany, he survived on welfare and compensation payouts. Compensation? Oh, yes—compensation.
Because of his provocative and greasy behavior, he often ended up in one-sided brawls, where he always came out the loser. While he was technically in the right in these ridiculous altercations, he was far from innocent.
His criminal record was anything but clean; in fact, it was bursting at the seams:
Name: Joe Winkler
Date of Birth: [1994]
Case Number: 2024-001-JW
Summary of Offenses:
Theft and FraudHate Speech and DiscriminationAssault and ViolenceHarassment and StalkingBlackmail and ManipulationAbuse of Power and AuthorityDefamation and SlanderElection Tampering and Legal ViolationsUnethical Conduct and Disregard for AuthorityCultural Appropriation and Disrespect
…
On a rainy, gray day in Germany, in a moldy hoarder's apartment, Joe stomped heavily across the creaking wooden floor towards the bathroom.
Thud.
Each step made the floorboards creak dangerously, as if they might give way at any moment. But thankfully, German houses were sturdy enough to withstand even Joe.
As he pushed open the moldy, squeaky wooden door, he stepped into the tiny bathroom and plopped down heavily onto the cramped toilet seat.
Most people would assume he was just there to do his business, but they'd be wrong.
In his left hand, Joe held his phone. Suddenly, his right hand began to move downward. He started to pleasure himself.
"Ohhhh~," he moaned.
"Oh~," the sound echoed again.
Joe let himself be consumed by his sinful thoughts. Most people would've been repulsed by the sight, some might've turned away, others might have tolerated it—but hardly anyone would've accepted his actions.
Because Joe wasn't watching harmless videos of adult actors. No. He was viewing content that would disgust any sane human being to their core.
On the screen of his phone were two children in tight blue swimwear, licking vanilla ice cream. Their mouths were full of white ice cream, dripping from the corners of their lips.
"Susie, let me lick the vanilla off your cheek!"
Lick.
Author's Note:
Hello, dear readers,
I want to clarify that I strongly condemn the disgusting portrayal of the protagonist. His vile characteristics are deliberately exaggerated to paint him in an entirely negative light.
Thank you for your understanding and support!
Ciao!!!
Ahhmmff.
When Joe reached his climax, he moaned for two seconds, filling his filthy apartment with the sound.
In the awkward moments that followed, Joe deleted the tab showing the kids licking each other.
While sitting and clearing his browsing history, he noticed his phone overheating.
It suddenly became hot—hot like a radiator set to the highest level.
"Damn it, how is it so hot?!"
It got hotter and hotter, until it slipped from his hand and fell into the toilet.
"NO, WHY?!"
Joe gritted his crooked, black-and-yellow teeth and reached into the filthy, soiled toilet water.
The moment his hand touched the water, a surge of millions of volts coursed through him, killing him instantly in the stinking bathroom.
Most people would've been ecstatic to know such a vile person had died.
Even the author of this shitty story.
But unfortunately, the saying "weeds never die" held true.
And somehow, Joe was mysteriously isekai'd into another world.
"Am I actually the main character now?" Joe thought, devoid of any humor.