They rushed to form a line in front of the gazebo. They were ready to attack, but the thing they were about to fight was not a great beast nor a hideous monster. It came at them from all sides, on tiny legs.
"Wait, those are…?" Dot said peeking over the railing of the gazebo. They kept him behind the line, like a princess inside fortress walls.
Are those the little ones I just saw?
"Carnivorous garden gnomes?" Kama explained as he readied his heavy black hammer. It was not a weapon one would expect to see on a monk, but neither was a tail. "Curious indeed."
"I thought those went extinct in the Alakun purge," added Bax. "During the reign of Ostius the Second, who had them burned and… oh well, I guess he didn't finish the job."
"These things can survive the end of the world," Flarion said calmly, loading a silver revolver one bullet at a time. "Best to kill them all and be done with it."
"Protect your neck. They will go for it first. Then your eyes," instructed Nean. "And don't let them surround you, or so gods may help you."
"Tsk. Too much talk for so little a foe. Leave this to me," said Crow as she yeeted one far over the hedges.
The enemy stormed the gazebo in small formations like they were hiding in every corner of the garden. They could have been there the whole time, invisible decorations hiding in plain sight, waiting for a perfect moment to strike.
This was their hunting ground.
When they got close enough they began jumping at their prey, several at a time, like well-trained parasites.
Their teeth gleamed like razors and their pointy red hats bounced in the air.
They did it all while laughing, but Crow laughed harder.
"Die!" she growled as she sliced them in half with effortless precision. One by one, they fell at her feet, the way a skilled chef cuts vegetables. Some fell to the axe, others were trampled under her boots. The more they tried to topple her, the stronger she hit, until a pile of tiny bodies surrounded her up to her knees.
"Not giving up yet? Huh? Bleed, you suckers."
She hacked and sliced and squashed every little monster that came close until there were no more. The not-yet-dead still twitched their tiny legs as she walked over them in long strides with a victorious glee on her face.
"That's how it's done," she said wiping the blood off her eyes and squeezing the ends of her hair.
So much violence… So much blood.
"Alright, that's done," said Bax, utterly unmoved by what had happened. "What now? Do we wait again?"
A brief silence overtook them as they looked at one another shrugging their shoulders.
I guess this is my life now.
"Wait," Dot cried pointing at the bushes. The pale blue flowers shook like something was eating at their roots and then, before they could react, they exploded in a cloud of petals and dust.
"Oh, no. No, no…" Kama danced on his toes as he tried to shake the pollen off his fur. The fine particles covered his head to paw and his perfect white fur had gotten as yellow as curry. He sneezed and rubbed his nose in frantic movements. "Oh, unholy whiskers."
"Stay sharp," said Bax, "If you feel mild disorientation and… oh, wow, did you ever even notice how perfect my face was? My skin is soooo soft, my face should be minted on coins."
"Who says this place is scary? Look at all the pretty flowers, and other flowers and…" said Flarion in slow motion, pointing the gun at everything and everyone.
"Katrux`marak," said Crow as her pupils dilated into infinity. "Lukus`maral."
"I agree," added Bax and laughed until his stomach hurt and he bent over to laugh some more.
The others joined in and they all laughed at one another. Everything was suddenly funny to them, the grass, the sky, the small gazebo and its princess, even the pile of dead gnomes.
They could not stop themselves.
"Amateurs," murmured Nean, completely unaffected by the Stormflowers. She kept her distance from the giggling crowd awaiting another attack.
Once again, something came rushing at them, only this time, it was bigger, stronger and faster.
"Get a grip you idiots," she yelled as she slammed her hands together and mumbled something no one but she could hear or understand. When she pulled them apart, everything went silent for a second, and then a blast of air exploded from her body, bending every plant and throwing everything without a root, far beyond the walls of the garden.
The gnomes did not stand a chance and only their screams were left to tell the tale.
Was that magic?
Dot did not dare leave his castle. The world outside the gazebo had just gotten a lot scarier, and he could not keep his heart from beating with the pace of impending doom.
"Why would you do that?" yelled Crow, after the blast made everyone's ears ring and pulsate with pain. The party was over.
"More will come. Be ready," said Nean without a grain of remorse.
"I'll deal with it, damn you."
The ground shook as another wave approached.
Shit. How many are there?
With the bloodied axe Crow lounged forward into battle once again. The yellow powder melted with the blood on her armor like a good spice, but it no longer had any effect, other than making her even less forgiving. "Come to die?"
This time the pointy hats were blue, marked with a golden symbol which may have meant something if Crow actually cared. They attacked with strategy, avoiding her hits, jumping at her weak points and biting at everything they could. She gave them no reprieve.
Another pile rose at her feet, and those that made it past her by some coincidence died at the hands of the others.
Time and time again they kept coming back. They got bigger and stronger, until eventually, Crow was no longer able to keep them back so easily.
Then came the beserker gnomes.
They pushed ahead of everyone and attacked with such force, that cutting them in half wasn't enough to stall their advancement. They wore black hats and yellow boots and some had no clothes at all, only their bare buttocks to carry them through to the afterlife.
"I never thought I'd say this, but these guys remind me of my own tribe," said Crow as she swung one off her foot like a cricket ball. "We need to stop this."
"I thought it was supposed to be easy in the beginning?" said Flarion. "This does not feel like easy."
"If this is Level 0, we won't make it past Level 2," said Bax. "We're as good as dead."
"No, that can't be it. Something isn't right about this," said Nean, zapping everything in her vicinity. "We made some mistake. I'm sure of it."
"So what do we do?" cried Crow. "These fuckers will be god-tier soon enough. The more we kill, the more will come, and I don't like those odds."
***
The gnome had a tiny bell at the end of its red hat like a royal jester of some kind. It found its way into the gazebo and had but one target on its mind.
"No, no, get away," Dot yelled as the toothed creature came closer. It was determined to get a bite out of him, one way or another.
He had no weapon to fight with but his bare hands, and no experience in killing anything whatsoever, much less monsters. The only thing he could do was fight for his life with one of the chairs. He swung it around, trying to scare it away, but the gnome had no intention of letting up.
"Don't you dare," he squealed, as he noticed another gnome had already gotten a hold of his sleeve. They were heavier than they appeared, with the biting force of a baby crocodile. "Argh, come on."
He threw the chair at the first and pulled the second by the head until it ripped a hole in his jacket. Then, he yanked it into the treeline, only to realize another dozen of them were about to swarm him from the same side.
Desperately, he tried stomping them and kicking them as long as he had the strength to do so, but the moment he tired they had already climbed all over him.
Faced with defending his bare skin, already full of tiny bites, he tripped and fell, bringing the table down with him.
Everything shattered into pieces, the tea spilt and the fancy cups rolled out in every direction.
This is it. I will officially be killed by garden decorations. What a unique way to go.
Then something caught his eye.
As the gnomes prepared to tie him up and carry him away, he was inadvertently focused on the tiny letters at the bottom of the cup that rolled up to his face.
"Ring the bell,
Three times Three,
And the door
Shall come to thee."
Oh, my…
"I have it," yelled Dot as loud as he could. He was lying flat on the floor, being wrapped up like a gift, as more red-hatted gnomes gathered in the gazebo to help pull the rope tied to his feet.
"Not now," someone yelled from the outside.
The enemies from the latest wave had already crossed the line between hungry little dudes and went straight into the nightmare monster zone. They had grown to a size of big dogs and wielded the strength of bears. They screamed, growled, chanted some words and painted a line across their faces as they went into battle.
These gnomes wore white hats.
"Guys, guys, listen," Dot screeched at his comrades. "I know how to stop this. You need to trust me."
The gnomes around him had already formed a solid line and managed to pull him halfway across the gazebo. Whatever they were planning on doing to him could not have been pleasant.
He was almost scraping the grass when they started to fall one by one. Sparks of electricity flew around them as their beards caught fire. They lost all composure and then began to die. Some were dead on the spot while others exploded in an attempt to flee.
The ropes got looser but Dot had to wiggle his way out of them on his own, like a fish on dry land.
"Speak," said Nean watching him from above, her eyes as bright as the sun.
"The bell," he said pulling another one of the gnomes off his jacket. It was the one with the bell on its hat. Even in death, it did not want to let go. "I know what to do. I need to ring the-".
At that moment the roof of the gazebo had been torn off as a massive gnome warrior flew through it and smashed into the stone wall where the door used to be. He let out a long sad cry before his limbs went nimble.
"Hello there, sorry to interrupt. Would you mind helping a little bit," cried Crow, looking slightly out of breath.
It was not a great sign.
"Are you absolutely certain of this?" said Nean ignoring everything else.
"Yes. Yes, I think so," he said, putting all his hope in three lines of bad poetry.
"Go then. I'll take care of this."
She cracked her neck and took the central place on the ruined podium as the rubble cracked under her feet. Once Dot had gone, she began mumbling some spells and contorting her fingers like she was knitting an invisible sweater.
Another swarm appeared.
This time they were pulling a giant inside a wheeled cage. It was still a gnome, with a pink hat and a beard so long it dragged behind the cage getting caught in everything it touched. Bones covered the bottom of the cage, skeletons of its former enemies.
"Careful, they are bringing the big boss," said Bax now wielding a strange wooden shield in hand. It looked no better than a piece of bark he would have torn from a tree, but whatever it was, it was good enough to kick everything out of his path.
"That is quite literally the biggest gnome I've ever seen," Flarion said as he danced about, with a revolver in one hand and a long dagger in the other. Neither was perfect in such a fight, but he managed to carve a line down the middle of everything he touched.
"The old wisdom says, that when the enemies get bigger, we should also look for bigger friends," said Kama.
"Crow?" added Flarion. "What do you suggest we do about that lump of flesh? I don't think a bullet will do the job here."
"So now you need help from the crazy Karzun? How the tables keep turning. Round and-" She kicked one of the heavier beasts right in the teeth, but another one came for her arm, leaving dents in her armplate. "I still think I liked prison better."
"You're probably right," added Bax.
"Let's show these stale biscuits why kittens walk barefoot," she yelled as they closed the formation.
"I did not understand that metaphor," said Kama quietly, before noticing that Dot was nowhere in sight.
"Hey, where did the little one go?"